Death is just a little too close...

leslie :-D · Mar 17, 2011

you are perfectly normal, esp where you're so young.

if you're not in the medical profession, it's hard to understand the dying process.

but once you see how peaceful death can be, i think you'll feel more reassured.

besides, if you do work ltc, you can be an advocate for your dying pts, and ensure they get the meds they need and deserve.

give time and experience, a chance.

you'll be fine.:balloons:

leslie

thenameismac · Mar 17, 2011

you are perfectly normal, esp where you're so young.
if you're not in the medical profession, it's hard to understand the dying process.
but once you see how peaceful death can be, i think you'll feel more reassured.
besides, if you do work ltc, you can be an advocate for your dying pts, and ensure they get the meds they need and deserve.
give time and experience, a chance.
you'll be fine.:balloons:
leslie

Thanks so much! I feel a little better about it now. It's just so scary. And besides you never know if you'll dislike something if you don't try it (I keep forgetting that). It's hard to think of death as peaceful but I guess it is. No more suffering in the current physical state.

annister · Mar 17, 2011

I can remember being obsessed with this fear that I had of death and dying for most of my childhood and teenage years. I dwelled on all of the potential (negative) possibilities that my imagination presented. Fear, of anything, is a terrible state to live in. (worse than Florida maybe).

I can say with absolute certainty that being a nurse has drastically improved my outlook on death. I have worked only in oncology since becoming a nurse and I honestly have no idea how many of the patients I have cared for have passed away, quite a few right before my eyes.

I no longer see death as "the ultimate worst thing that could happen.". I think of it as complete freedom from any of the troubles, worry, pain or sorrow that one is burdened with while alive. I truly believe that the only negative impact death has is on the living and I no longer feel the need to consider how my own death could negatively affect me....Do I sound bat**** crazy at this point?

I am sorry for your loss(es) and I hope you can feel a sense of relief and peace in the concept of death one day, instead of anxiety and fear. Sorry for being so long winded....it's a bad habit I can't seem to break.

thenameismac · Mar 17, 2011

Annister, thanks for your reply. I've been quite the opposite growing up (actually until this past weekend). I was/am curious about what's on the other side if there is another side. I want to live a fulfilling life and have dreams come true and experience so much. If anything I should want that even more knowing that tomorrow isn't promised today. I don't know what it is but death is just...scary. I am so glad to know that there are others out there who are in or have been in my shoes. I would hope to be in your shoes someday and see the positive in the "negative".

MissBeanerRN · Mar 17, 2011

I feel you on your view of death. I can say I am definitely freaked out when it comes to thinking about death.

The thought of being gone from this world is not what scares me, its the thought of dying a painful or slow, and painful death. The thought that I have not made peace with a lot of the demons that plague me is what scares me. I wouldn't be ready if I were to die tomorrow, and making peace with your lifes issues and especially yourself isn't necessarily a fast proccess.

Now although death freaks me the h*** out, I also find death scientifically facinating and seen some very peaceful deaths among the not so peaceful.

I cope by finding inner peace and living in the now and plan ahead but not too ahead because you never know. I do things I enjoy, spend time with family have fun and do my job. When I experience a death that trully affects me, I spend time alone. If it was a death that ****** me off, Ill yell and cuss and just be ****** off alone in a place I can do that and not direct it at anybody, or Ill work out and channel the anger by running, lifting, or punch a boxing bang. Ill talk to someone that will listen, or Ill cry if I need to, or listen to music. Sometimes Im in a place where I can't cuss or yell and have to keep it in, if its bad enough I have to run to the bathroom or small private area and just have a good cry...then I go about my day. You have to let it out somehow or it will eat you up, or worse you will take it out on someone that had nothing to do with it, or youll get into some trouble, I should know.

I also feel you on the death of Nate Dogg, I grew up listening to Nate, he's the one I'm listening to when Im working out, angry or not, after a good cry, or when Im just kicking it. We lost one of West Coast best, may he rest in peace...cuz like Cube said..."it ain't a hit till Nate Dogg spit":redbeathe.

MouseMichelle · Mar 17, 2011

Death used to scare me until I started nursing. It's a peaceful process, and a release for the person to go and leave all their pain behind them. It's a blessing actually. It's tragic of course if it's sudden.

martymoose, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2011

I started being "aware" of this when I started seeing more and more pts that were in my age group with heart attacks and the such. Sometimes these people were younger than me! really made me think.Even the docs say" the're getting younger and younger" But I do realize that for so me of them it is due to poor lifestyle choices- smoking, ETOH, cocaine, obesity/diabetes etc. But still. And then I think oh crap- Im over weight, poor food choices, stressed out to the max lifestyle(my job......) probably too much coffee. no smoking as I have quit years ago, and know I would have an asthma attack if I did now. But when stressed out to the max, and if someone else is smoking, it is sooo tempting. BUt no- wont do it. Unfortunatelt eat wrong instead. well my point is "why hasn't anything happened to me yet?" I now kinda feel my time will be soon if I dont change.it's just scary to be aware- almost like the Adam and Eve thing.

anyhow- I am so sorry for your recent losses, and sorry that at 22 you have already dealt with this.

Oh and regarding P. mortem care. I actually lost one of my pts the other day- wasn't really expected. I find I still kinda talk to tem even so- that I am sorry they had to leave, but I wish them well whereever they may be going.I feel there is a separation of body/spirit. So for the cares somehow My brain justr distances my self . Maybe its self preservation. I dunno.

Anyhow, it's always good to talk these things out. And as others have said- thats when you really learn to be an advocate- if it's a hospice situation, to give the person the best most comfortable care you can. When itt can be peaceful- it seems such an honor to help them out.

Best wishes to you in your schooling- sounds like you will be great.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Mar 17, 2011

does your job offer employee assistance programs for counseling, etc? If so, take advantage. Sometimes talking to a professional gets things in perspective. You might also weigh in on your own life, if these deaths are threatening you. Are you working towards any goals? Are you content spiritually? Do you have solid relationships with family and friends? Maybe other areas of your life (besides work) need to be assessed. Again, I think it helps to have a pro guide you.