Crisis in Family...Advice Needed

shoegalRN, RN · Oct 6, 2009

WOW! I'm sorry to hear about your son. I know how it is to be distracted while in nursing school.

As far as withdrawing, make sure you exercise all your options before you just withdrawal. See if clinical time can be made up (most programs allow make up clinical time). Speak with your instructors about classroom time. Make sure you get a copy of their lecture or powerpoints and ask classmates for their notes if possible.

Is it possible to speak with a lawyer to get an idea of how much money you will have to pay back? If so, that will atleast give you an idea of what you are up against. Then if I were you, I would make a decision based on that, considering if I have to go back to work fulltime to pay it back.

To get your mind off your son, maybe studying is the best thing right now.

Good luck!

DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN · Oct 6, 2009

If you do withdraw I think you shouldn't share any more details than you need. Apart from that...make sure you know all of the facts -- such as will you really be in and out of court this semester. Not all cases get going that quickly.

My mother had a heart attack 4 weeks before the end of one semester and then dozens of complications followed. I had to manage my anxiety in order to complete the semester. I was lucky and I did OK.

I think you need to speak to an advisor at your school and get more information. Only you will know if this will distract such that you can't complete the semester.

ORTech2RN · Oct 6, 2009

WOW! I'm sorry to hear about your son. I know how it is to be distracted while in nursing school.
As far as withdrawing, make sure you exercise all your options before you just withdrawal. See if clinical time can be made up (most programs allow make up clinical time). Speak with your instructors about classroom time. Make sure you get a copy of their lecture or powerpoints and ask classmates for their notes if possible.
Is it possible to speak with a lawyer to get an idea of how much money you will have to pay back? If so, that will atleast give you an idea of what you are up against. Then if I were you, I would make a decision based on that, considering if I have to go back to work fulltime to pay it back.
To get your mind off your son, maybe studying is the best thing right now.
Good luck!

I'm going to speak to my advisor later today or tomorrow. I do plan on getting more information regarding how much money we could potentially be out, etc. Either way, I'll need to make a decision by next week or so.

TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN · Oct 6, 2009

Even if you have to pay restitution, you will be able to ask for a payment plan (I know, we were awarded restitution for a case years ago and the man involved asked for and was given a payment plan - never saw a penny, but that's another story).

Regarding school, you may find that with all this other stuff going on, school is a welcome relief! Just a thought. You may need something else to focus on in your life or this problem with your son might just consume you. I would try to keep going if you can, but I totally understand why you may feel conflicted about this. I don't think you should stop taking care of your own needs at a time like this is all.

Good luck with everything, I'll be thinking about you.

pharmgirl · Oct 7, 2009

i agree with that latter poster about school giving you something else to focus on. My very first semester coming back to school after 20 years, we had a very trying ordeal with my teenage daughter. Details of such, I would rather not get into but let's just say I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I stayed in school, it was the only place I could go where it was a break from the craziness at home. I swear school saved my sanity that semester. Make sure you way your options, you may be able to do it.

Good luck to you and am so sorry you are going through a rough time.

AOx1 · Oct 7, 2009

Consider all of your options. As you mentioned you will be seeing your advisor, this can certainly be a great sounding board. As an instructor, I can say from my experience that what seems to cause the most problems for students are personal and financial issues. It is very difficult to recover from, and I hate it when students fail a course due to personal reasons. Before you are in that situations, there are a few questions I would ask:

When will you be eligible to re-enter the program?

What does re-applying entail? Is is a guarantee you will be readmitted?

Can you still receive a grade of withdraw or incomplete at this point?

I certainly won't presume to tell you what to do, but I will say this. Nursing school will likely still be there in the future. You are wrestling with a lot of shock, grief, and disappointment right now I'm sure. Try to take care of yourself and your family first, and proceed when you know you can safely care for your family and self and patients without extreme distraction. You are the only one who will know when the time is right.

MammaNurse2Be · Oct 7, 2009

I guess I would have a few more questions...

1. Where is the dad in all of this?

2. Why do you and the mom have to pay vs. the dad and the mom?

3. If your stepson did something to mess his life up, why should you put your positive life experiences on hold because of that?

4. If the dad is in the picture, why would you have to go to court too? Why can't he go with the mom?

I realize that you may want to go for moral support but I would not quit nursing school if there was any way possible to keep it going. It seems the one positive in the whole mess.

Hope you can work it out.

Junebugfairy · Oct 7, 2009

i hate to sound "mean".. are you actually legally responsible for paying for your stepson??

if not, i would not pay, make the father or mother pay.

can the stepson be forced to pay?