Conversing with parents in NICU

Baby Wrangler · Apr 30, 2016

I'm not the most outgoing person either but often times it's the caring attitude and attentive listening that is more important to parents than constant babbling and incessant small talk. I mean, their baby is in hospital and they are not there to make friends with you. That being said, some small talk can help parents feel more at ease with you and their environment.

I usually try and focus on the baby. If you've just met them and baby is in a stable condition, you might ask (if baby has an unique name or something) how they came up with that name, have siblings met baby yet (obviously first make sure they haven't had a twin loss or something), if they live far and how their commute is going, etc. If I've had baby a couple of times, I might say oh they've gotten bigger since I saw him last, he seems to really like his soother, he looks like he's going to have your hair colour. You'll find parents are happy to go on about their babies at length.

Also, try and converse while you're doing something. It makes like less awkward and less like you've reheorificed a speech. Something like when you're changing a diaper or taking a temperature, that gives you something to do but doesn't require your full attention like bloodwork or ETT suctioning. Also involve parents more in the care and give them teaching tips. That way you won't feel like they're staring at you waiting to fill the silence.

Hope this helps. From one introvert to another. :)

rnkaytee · May 1, 2016

I am not a natural talker with parents, and it's something I've just started being "good" at after 16 years! Like you, I tend to just focus on the baby and I'm not a person who's going to shoot the breeze with parents. That being said, I agree with ^ Baby Wrangler says and to also say that most moms love telling their birth story so I will usually ask about that (unless I know it might be a sore subject).

babyNP., APRN · May 1, 2016

It will come with time. We've all been there with awkwardness talking to parents and learning the appropriate things to say and how to say them.

Coffee Nurse, BSN, RN · May 2, 2016

I tend to talk to the baby a lot too (if s/he's awake, obviously), with asides to parents. They seem to appreciate that their baby is being treated like a person, and it puts the focus on the one interest that you definitely have in common with them.

Mhays · May 26, 2016

Hi, I have been there many times regarding what to say to parents or client's families when it comes to their loved one's diagnosis and cause of the problems. When I was a student nurse, I was instructed by my professors to say what I needed to say in plain English, use small phrases, and try to explain the diagnosis without a lot of medical jargon. For example, if your patient's diagnosis is an ulcer, just tell them that there is an ulcer inside of your stomach. An ulcer is like a small circular object and it is not cancerous. Making sure that you clearly say what the diagnosis is and the cause of the pain is extremely helpful to the patient. I would also check with your teachers to see what their tips are and go from there. You can also ask to see if any of your friends from nursing school have any recommendations about how to talk to patients. I wish you the best of luck. Marcy

jdub6 · Jun 7, 2016

OP, i feel for you! I started out in peds though not nicu and am kind and even funny but reserved . Know that this is a skill that comes with time in nursing in general.

During my assessment if i can I'll verbalize basic findings ("joeys lungs sound good, active belly which is what we want to hear, vitals in a good place"). some parents are more talkative and will start talking about baby or making small talk when you make intros or now which is fine and will usually lead the conversing from there- make sure to ensure they have no questions

Others are more quiet or nervous. As another poster said you don't need to make friends with them- there is the occasional nurse who becomes lifelong friends with families, goes on Make a Wish trips with them etc. That is not the expectation! Just keep them informed and as comfortable as possible. I got used to narrating pretty much everything i did either as i did it or if more serious then before or after for the patents. Keep focus on baby (right now we're putting the bladder catheter in to get the urine culture and he's mad at us which is normal but he's doing very well and the catheter is in the bladder, we are just waiting for the sample to drain so the test is going well. We should be done in just a few min- you could say that to baby or parents-and then he [you] will feel much better pretty quickly. His vitals look totally normal for a mad baby, that alarm is just because his heart is beating faster than usual because he's upset, that's a normal healthy response and should go away quickly as he calms down...etc) make sure you are asking if they have any questions or concerns at start of shift and when you discuss rounds, procedures or changes in condition/ POC.

You said you know how to educate them on clinical stuff so i won't go father into that except to say I found that narrating as i discussed above filled some silences, made them more comfortable with me and have now opportunity to ask questions. In terms of small talk in between, this may vary by family but to start keep it either focused on baby or on things they have in the room or talk about (if they talk about or have pics of pets that can be a great conversation starter). If they just got back from dinner, have they foundsome favorite places to eat nearby and which ones? If they have pics/discuss other kids, what do the siblings think of being siblings?

As others have said just non clinical observations about their child can be much appreciated- maybe they have striking blue eyes, or lots of hair. Are they a big eater? Seem to have a preference for a particular toy? If it's a hammer toy are there carpenters in the family? Dsd they do something cute while parent was away? Some nurses also discuss the parents and try to find common ground to talk about- are they locals or transplants? What about you? If you are both transplants what do they think of the area and ? And of course the weather is always good for a quick little convo-a perk of working nights is you see some amazing sun rises/ sets to share with families.