Conflict with no Confrontation

I don't understand.. so your coworker went to the ADON and accused you of exhibiting these behaviors that she is guilty of?

Why would she accuse you of her own behaviors and not make up something? I've never heard of anyone doing that before.

Well you admitted that you didn't answer the call lights for five minutes either, because "she caused it" to happen. Your coworker is really crappy, but that doesn't give you the excuse to not answer call lights. So in that respect, yes you deserved some of the blame. I know when I worked LTC we were all responsible for call lights, weather they were our assigned residents or not.

What did you do when she refused to help you change the resident? Did you ask another coworker or a nurse?

You should have gone to your supervisor about this coworker a long time ago. Do any of the other staff witness her behavior and can back you up? She sounds like a sorry employee, I agree, but you need to realize that you aren't blameless either.

Go to work, smile, do your job. If she refuses to assist you when necessary or doesn't answer a call light, document it and report it to your supervisor. If she refuses you can say, "just so I am clear, you are refusing to help me?" And while she is ignoring a call light "that is your resident. I have gotten the last few call lights, can you go help them?". As she refuses you can be documenting. Document any specific things she says, like "I hate these Fing patients".

Be factual and objective, not emotional.

Pretty much. It's not uncommon for us to be on our phones when it's quiet. It's just an unspoken rule that we don't say anything and phones are away by 5am. She's just mad because I won't do her work for her.

But when I tried to tell the ADON that it's really her that does these things, it just looked like I was trying to pass blame. Even the nurse on the unit (who is very new) couldn't understand why I was the one getting yelled at.

Edited to add: basically, she's threatened by the fact that no one ever complains about me, her patients are angels for me (because I actually take care of the), and I'm young and going to school to become a nurse so one day I'll be her superior.

Well you admitted that you didn't answer the call lights for five minutes either, because "she caused it" to happen. Your coworker is really crappy, but that doesn't give you the excuse to not answer call lights. So in that respect, yes you deserved some of the blame. I know when I worked LTC we were all responsible for call lights, weather they were our assigned residents or not.

See, that's how it's supposed to be where I work as well, but that isn't usually what happens. I could have 3 lights going off down my hall and she won't get up to help me. Never has for as long as I've been working with her. I will answer her lights for the patients sake but I try not to make a habit of answering them before she gets up because then she'll expect me to always answer them.

My biggest problem was that I walked into a unit where the regulars had been working together for years and years and no one would take my side in it. The newer nurse saw exactly what I saw, but again didn't want to rock the boat because of this coworkers attitude and vindictive actions (which management is aware of but has yet to do anything about)

"distant, unfocused, absent mentally"?!?!?!?! What the heck does THAT mean?

So how was it left? Did you get a write up? What was the conclusion?

If there are call bells going off, and you answer them--(and regardless of whose hall it is, I would answer them) is there documentation that needs to be filled out? Do you have to chart turn and repositions every 2 hours? Then I would chart them. And initial them. That way, when the ADON has a bee in her bonnet, you have proof that you have been working.

And put your phone away. Even if it was an "unspoken thing" in the past, it has been spoken to at present. So just don't take it out. Further, if they want to get the low down on who is using the wireless for their personal phone use, they can get that information pretty quickly from IT.

If your co-worker says that she "can't stand these f-in people" do an incident report. Every time. You don't need to have to hear her foul language and other random issues that she has with residents. But apparently the ADON does.

I would go along the thought process of you perhaps were not 100% perfect 100% of the time, but neither is anyone else. That you will improve where you can. That you will document accordingly, so that the ADON knows what is happening on the night shift. That you will ask the nurse on duty if there is anything else you can do.

All of this contingent on if you are invested in this job. If not, it may be time to move on.....

I used to answer more than my share of call lights. I prefer to keep busy. Then I noticed I was answering call lights more and more often while the CNAs and the other nurses sat and waited me out.

I stopped answering call lights that were not my patients. The other nurses and CNAs started complaining that I didn't do my share, because my "share" had always been "most". People behave in weird ways. Perception is everything.

There's really not much you can do as your co-worker beat you to the ADON. As others have suggested, I'd start initialing the turn schedule. I'd keep a log of every light I answered for at least 2-3 weeks. Lastly, drop the cell phone. It's against the rules, and it's one thing you can point to that's concrete evidence.

I have discovered a simple truth in the 50 something years I've been alive. It's not carved in stone, but for me, I've found this is the way things work.

The first day of any new endeavor sets the tone/standard for everything else that follows.

The first date. The first day of marriage. The first day on the job. The first shift with new co-workers. The first night you answered most of the call lights, you re-set the bar.

You can make changes, but it may not sit well with the other person.

You assumed the lion's share of the work, and now you don't want to do it. You shouldn't have to do it, but the other nurse isn't going to give those easy nights up without a fight.

I used to answer more than my share of call lights. I prefer to keep busy. Then I noticed I was answering call lights more and more often while the CNAs and the other nurses sat and waited me out.

I stopped answering call lights that were not my patients. The other nurses and CNAs started complaining that I didn't do my share, because my "share" had always been "most". People behave in weird ways. Perception is everything.

There's really not much you can do as your co-worker beat you to the ADON. As others have suggested, I'd start initialing the turn schedule. I'd keep a log of every light I answered for at least 2-3 weeks. Lastly, drop the cell phone. It's against the rules, and it's one thing you can point to that's concrete evidence.

I have discovered a simple truth in the 50 something years I've been alive. It's not carved in stone, but for me, I've found this is the way things work.

The first day of any new endeavor sets the tone/standard for everything else that follows.

The first date. The first day of marriage. The first day on the job. The first shift with new co-workers. The first night you answered most of the call lights, you re-set the bar.

You can make changes, but it may not sit well with the other person.

You assumed the lion's share of the work, and now you don't want to do it. You shouldn't have to do it, but the other nurse isn't going to give those easy nights up without a fight.

That's exactly what has happened here. I used to be overzealous and hop on every light that rang...until I realized I was answering every light without objection from the other aide. It started to get to be too much doing everyone's work and I've been stretched so thin as it is that I had to cut back. But now that I'm not doing her work too, she wants to act like I'm not doing any work at all.

I admit, the phone needs to go away more often. But it bothered me that the other aide complained about me when she normally has not 1 but 2 phones she's playing on all night, along with using the work computers for personal use.

Conduct yourself impeccably.

Put away your phone, answer call lights, never say anything negative about any of the residents.

If you have down time or things are quiet, find something productive to do, such as stocking or general tidying up.

Do not give this co-worker any ammunition.

I always figured homework would be an acceptable thing to do in my down time when all of the actual work to be done was done. It's far more productive then sitting there tidying up what's already been tidied up. There's only so much work to be done on 11-7 without disturbing the patients.

I actually worked with this coworker for this first time since this happened the other night (not that I was trying to avoid her, it just worked out that way) and she said about 2 words to me all night.

It was extremely awkward, especially considering the last night I worked with her was normal as anything. She knows I know it was her that reported me.

My ADON had asked if I wanted off the unit so I didn't have to work with her but I told her no, I enjoy the patients and the work on that unit.

I won't let this bitter woman hold me back. The unit I usually work is great experience for if/when I decide to move on.