Comparing myself/feeling inadequate

[ladydanger]

I am a fairly new nurse (2.5 years) and have been employed in an ICU since February (ended orientation in May). I cannot help but compare myself to a colleague who has 6 months more experience than myself. Everyone always praises her and the charge RN allows her to take challenging patients; she has even precepted (as a fill in). It makes me feel inadequate. I feel I perform well at work. However, I am introverted, quiet, and I have never been (and never will be) a nurse who gets praise. I have been described as having a "quiet strength." I am not sure why this bothers me. Can anyone relate?

[slauren]

I think because you are quiet some people may just need to get to know you better. I bet after you've worked there for awhile they'll know your strengths and weaknesses. Don't compare yourself to other nurses. When I first started nursing there were nurses who were just spot on with their job and well respected. I just admired and paid attention to how they handled things (and listened to their suggestions). Just because you don't get praise as much as someone else does, doesn't mean you aren't as appreciated. Other people may just know the other nurse better or even understand the obsticles she had to overcome to get that good. I'm the quiet type too but after a few years everyone is familar with me and I always greet everyone with a smile and greeting. The first 6 months at my current job were brutal and I was far from perfect, even got on some co-worker nerves at times. But I stuck through it and some reason I'm popular now and the go-to person - for other nurses, management, and even patients that aren't mine [lol]. Give it time.

[bronte3]

I too, am an introvert but after hours.

At work some of the time I was an extrovert but rarely when there was management around (if that makes sense).

My patients often remarked they wanted me for my next shift and asked to see the NUM to complement me on my professionalism and care both to them and their families, as have students that have been just 'given' to me as no one else was available and they also complemented the way I helped them.

Although it was somewhat nice to be praised it was always rained on by management including other nursing staff on the wards by the way they treated me.

I am a quiet achiever but staff knew that I could be depended on when it counted. That's when I actually felt like I was needed and staff had confidence in my ability. Otherwise I mostly felt tormented whilst at work and that I was quite useless.

At the end of the day my patients were happy with their care and appreciated everything I did for them. Nursing in that respect gave me a great sense of personal satisfaction. It's nice to be acknowledged but it may not always be from the people you want it from and as a PP wrote you know you are good when they prefer you over another nurse.

[babilidose]

If someone has complimented you saying you have quiet strength, how is that not praise? The detriment of every new nurse is comparing themselves to someone else's trajectory. If you've only been in the ICU a few months, be forgiving of yourself. Everyone has different experiences. And maybe she just appears more confident.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

OP, there is so much to be said about flying wayyyy under the radar. You can go home and sleep at night.

And although the most challenging patients are a cool thing to figure out on occasion, quick way to burn out.

Observe everything, file it away, and when the time comes you get complex patients, you know what to do and how to do it.

Remember, people who continue to get praise are either looking for it as a means to fill an emotional hole, or get so jaded by the constant grooming that it becomes meaningless blah, blah, blah.

It is the ones with quiet strength that mean the most to the patients and to their families.

Nurse on, and best wishes!

[LockportRN]

I have met so many like this and the sad part is that often times, the only reason for the praise is that management likes them. Yes, I said management. Not necessarily the patients, their families or other staff. You see, it seems they spend too much time ahem, sucking up, to actually do their jobs.

Now, before I get crucified, this is not always the case but too many times, in my experience, this was the case. And sadly, staff would watch this and scratch their heads wondering why. After many years and finally management changes with subsequent firing of these types showed me the truth.

Don't look at others expecting what they have, it isn't always as it seems. Do what you were trained to do. Keep learning and adding to your knowledge. Take extra CEU's and use the more experienced nurses for their knowledge. Go home at the end of the day knowing that you did the best you could for your patients and be satisfied.

It is funny how much your patients, perserverance, and calmness will be noticed and appreciated.

[scottaprn]

Don't compare yourself to other people but do compare yourself to yourself. Are you a better nurse today then you were six months ago?

You mentioned you were an introvert and I can certainly relate. There're a couple of great books you can find on Amazon that discuss the power of being an introvert. Susan Cain also gives a great ted talk on the power of introverts.

Susan Cain: The power of introverts | TED Talk | TED.com

Don't try to change yourself into something you are not but do try to change yourself into the best version of yourself you can be. That is what life is about

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I urge you to read Susan Cain's "Quiet" - in praise of introverts. It's really eye opening to explore all of the advantages associated with this personality type. In bedside nursing, I think we underestimate the value of our coworkers who take the time to observe, analyze & reflect before jumping in and assuming control.