Casualty of the System?

[Icareaboutthis]

I've been a nurse less than a year and so far my experience has been pretty discouraging. I was pretty misinformed about the position (I didn't realize how small the unit was, that I would be the only nurse on the unit at times, that I would be the only new grad around, etc.) I was pushed out of orientation before I was ready, bullied by some of the older nurses, and injured on the job. I filled out the required paperwork to cover my back and had to go through a long period of physical therapy (which was thankfully covered by my workplace). I was always told that there are resources available for nurses in trouble, but I found very little help other than compensation for my recovery treatment. I had to jump through loop hole after loop hole:

1)First with an issue with the website that wouldn't allow me to log in and search for new jobs as an internal employee.. I had to climb the ladder until I was finally talking to the head people over the entire software system to get it sorted out.

2)Then with HR, after various attempts of calling to get in touch with whoever I needed to talk to about my situation, I finally just showed up and walked into the office and found out myself. Though my meeting seemed to go well and the HR rep said they would help me in a couple of different ways, they failed to respond to any of my efforts/questions/emails in my attempts to follow up with them like they had told me to.

During this time of trying to find another position while still being employed, I became extremely stressed out about going to work. I had already re-injured my back a couple times due to unsafe working conditions. I almost got in trouble for not following my work restrictions strictly enough though I was regularly placed in unethical situations. There were rumors started about me and my situation. Short staffing meant that I was sometimes the only nurse on the unit even though they were supposed to be fully staffed without me while I was on work restrictions. I felt incompetent and judged and was referred to as "half a nurse" at one point. After conversations with management about my concerns, I was then floated to several other units that I had never even been oriented on, which only increased my stressed.

I wasn't sleeping well, I was in pain all the time, I was leaving my unit to have panic attacks in the bathroom almost every day, I'd go someplace to cry during my breaks, I'd be so stressed out that I'd have diarrhea every morning before work. I'd hope for anything bad to happen just so I wouldn't have to go to work (car crash, getting sick, etc.) But I never called off. I made sure to keep up great rapport with everyone I worked with. I always had a positive attitude. I was never late. I did my absolute 100% best every day, but I mentally got to a point where I couldn't take care of myself and still come to such a negative workplace and really put myself into my work. Eventually, after a good deal of advanced notice, I put in my two weeks. I figured that if I would rather be dead than go to work, I should probably quit my job. I was immediately removed from the system and no longer had any of the benefits of applying for jobs through internal employment.

I am a compassionate, sensitive person. I'm hard working, honest, easy to get to know, and easy to get a long with. Everyone told me I would make a great nurse! I feel like nursing damaged me. It hardened me, made me cynical, resentful. All I want to do is make a living, feel safe in my work environment, and at least be somewhat competent. I don't have to love my job. I don't feel entitled to something unrealistic. I know it takes time. But right now, I don't have a nursing job even though I've applied for dozens. I have an awkward-looking resume with a very short-lived nursing job on it. I also can't work in certain areas that require a lot of lifting because of my back.

I don't know where to go from here and I'm not sure why I went through four years of school for this. I've tried to reach out, get advice, find out what my options are, but with little luck. I'm beginning to feel like a casualty of the system, but I need to keep my chin up. Can anyone else relate or give any advice? Should I remove my only nursing experience from my resume if it was so short-lived and negative?

If anything, even if no one responds, I hope at least one person knows they are not alone in having a hard time with nursing.

[paulinejoyRN]

I feel so much for your experience. This is the terrible reality for some nurses at some units. Don't take this experience as the only experience possible for you. I understand the frustration of your situation, but don't think that your short resume will completely keep you from future nursing positions. You were put in unsafe nursing environments. Spend your time recovering-- your body and your mind. You deserve to regain your personality, drive and sense of self before looking for another job. If you need anyone to talk to, we are always here.

I'm sorry for your experience. This is not right.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Hmm - most organizations are much more serious about dealing with people who have sustained a workplace injury because of the liability associated with this area. For instance, OP could probably engage the services of an attorney & sue for damages if they failed to adhere to workplace restrictions that were prescribed by her physician.

I know that OP's sincerest wish is to re-engage with her profession in a suitable job, but I would also advise her to make sure she is fully informed about any disability benefits to which she is entitled. If the back injury prevents her from direct patient care positions, she may be entitled to some sort of re-training program that would enable her to move into a different type of job... such as clinical informatics or quality/patient safety.

I surely thought I'd see the reality of a "no lift" workplace for nurses in my lifetime, especially since the literature has clearly established that there is no safe way to lift a patient. But it looks like it's not going to happen.

[sistrmoon, BSN, RN]

Actually there was just an NPR series/expose about some injured nurses and the facilities who refused to pay medical bills and essentially abandoned them despite it being no question their injuries were work related.

To OP: I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I'm wondering about something out of hospital. I know that might be hard if they require a year of acute care experience. But just wondering if you've tried with those opportunities?

[TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN]

Aside from working on getting your professional life back on track, I would urge you to talk to someone about your panic attacks, anxiety and depression. It sounds to me like you are in a very bad "head space". As nurses we try to brush off our own problems and deflect them by diverting attention onto something else (in your instance your crappy job and the fact that you got hurt at work). While everything you describe sounds like you had a bad experience with this job, the symptoms you are describing do not sound to me like you have positive ways of handling the stress and that will be destructive to you in the long run.

[Icareaboutthis]

HouTx, thank you for your advice! Unfortunately, it seemed that the benefits were much better described than they were made available. For all the hours I have spent trying to get in touch with the right people and find out answers my questions, any available resources seem awfully out of reach. But I did learn a lot in the end about the whole process, especially about how to be more assertive and how to stand up for myself. I'll definitely go into my next position more prepared.

[Icareaboutthis]

sistrmoon,

I heard about that NPR series as well! I have been applying to a lot of out-of-hospital opportunities, such as clinics and outpatient services, but the issue of not having the acute care experience is probably the biggest barrier I'm facing right now.

[Icareaboutthis]

Thanks, TakeTwoAspirin,

I appreciate your honesty! It was a bit of a meltdown and it definitely did exacerbate all other issues in my life. I never realized how much of my identity I placed in what I did for a living. But I have gotten the help I needed. I think the combination of it being my first job out of school, being a brand new independent adult, suddenly questioning everything I worked so hard for, etc. just compiled into a bit of a crisis...and I'm still a little traumatized! I am sensitive and was clearly insecure and isolated as a new nurse, but I want to believe that there is still a place for me in nursing. I'm sure I will handle any future work issues with much more ease than I did in the past knowing that I got through it once!

[Selfie]

HouTx, thank you for your advice! Unfortunately, it seemed that the benefits were much better described than they were made available. For all the hours I have spent trying to get in touch with the right people and find out answers my questions, any available resources seem awfully out of reach. But I did learn a lot in the end about the whole process, especially about how to be more assertive and how to stand up for myself. I'll definitely go into my next position more prepared.

OP, these aren't benefits that are determined by your employer, they are benefits determined by state law. If you are still having back problems, I would go see a doc, let them know it's a work related injury, and find a workers' comp attorney. You may be entitled to a payout for your back, and/or payment now for missed work.

Don't ever quit your job if you have a work related injury. By law, your employer has to accommodate your restrictions, and if they can't, they are required to pay you partial payments for the missed work.

At the very least, get a free consult from an attorney, and see what they advise, per law by your state. This back injury may affect future employment.

[Anna S, RN]

Did you keep a written record of every time you work short-staffed/alone when you were supposed to be on restricted duty?

Maybe an employment/labor attorney could help you?

Nursing is a very hard career, and some places will ruin you and spit you out. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

(((hug)))