Icareaboutthis

Thanks, TakeTwoAspirin, I appreciate your honesty! It was a bit of a meltdown and it definitely did exacerbate all other issues in my life. I never realized how much of my identity I placed in what I did for a living. But I have gotten the help I needed. I think the combination of it being my first job out of school, being a brand new independent adult, suddenly questioning everything I worked so hard for, etc. just compiled into a bit of a crisis...and I'm still a little traumatized! I am sensitive and was clearly insecure and isolated as a new nurse, but I want to believe that there is still a place for me in nursing. I'm sure I will handle any future work issues with much more ease than I did in the past knowing that I got through it once!

sistrmoon, I heard about that NPR series as well! I have been applying to a lot of out-of-hospital opportunities, such as clinics and outpatient services, but the issue of not having the acute care experience is probably the biggest barrier I'm facing right now.

HouTx, thank you for your advice! Unfortunately, it seemed that the benefits were much better described than they were made available. For all the hours I have spent trying to get in touch with the right people and find out answers my questions, any available resources seem awfully out of reach. But I did learn a lot in the end about the whole process, especially about how to be more assertive and how to stand up for myself. I'll definitely go into my next position more prepared.

I've been a nurse less than a year and so far my experience has been pretty discouraging. I was pretty misinformed about the position (I didn't realize how small the unit was, that I would be the only nurse on the unit at times, that I would be the only new grad around, etc.) I was pushed out of orientation before I was ready, bullied by some of the older nurses, and injured on the job. I filled out the required paperwork to cover my back and had to go through a long period of physical therapy (which was thankfully covered by my workplace). I was always told that there are resources available for nurses in trouble, but I found very little help other than compensation for my recovery treatment. I had to jump through loop hole after loop hole: 1)First with an issue with the website that wouldn't allow me to log in and search for new jobs as an internal employee.. I had to climb the ladder until I was finally talking to the head people over the entire software system to get it sorted out. 2)Then with HR, after various attempts of calling to get in touch with whoever I needed to talk to about my situation, I finally just showed up and walked into the office and found out myself. Though my meeting seemed to go well and the HR rep said they would help me in a couple of different ways, they failed to respond to any of my efforts/questions/emails in my attempts to follow up with them like they had told me to. During this time of trying to find another position while still being employed, I became extremely stressed out about going to work. I had already re-injured my back a couple times due to unsafe working conditions. I almost got in trouble for not following my work restrictions strictly enough though I was regularly placed in unethical situations. There were rumors started about me and my situation. Short staffing meant that I was sometimes the only nurse on the unit even though they were supposed to be fully staffed without me while I was on work restrictions. I felt incompetent and judged and was referred to as "half a nurse" at one point. After conversations with management about my concerns, I was then floated to several other units that I had never even been oriented on, which only increased my stressed. I wasn't sleeping well, I was in pain all the time, I was leaving my unit to have panic attacks in the bathroom almost every day, I'd go someplace to cry during my breaks, I'd be so stressed out that I'd have diarrhea every morning before work. I'd hope for anything bad to happen just so I wouldn't have to go to work (car crash, getting sick, etc.) But I never called off. I made sure to keep up great rapport with everyone I worked with. I always had a positive attitude. I was never late. I did my absolute 100% best every day, but I mentally got to a point where I couldn't take care of myself and still come to such a negative workplace and really put myself into my work. Eventually, after a good deal of advanced notice, I put in my two weeks. I figured that if I would rather be dead than go to work, I should probably quit my job. I was immediately removed from the system and no longer had any of the benefits of applying for jobs through internal employment. I am a compassionate, sensitive person. I'm hard working, honest, easy to get to know, and easy to get a long with. Everyone told me I would make a great nurse! I feel like nursing damaged me. It hardened me, made me cynical, resentful. All I want to do is make a living, feel safe in my work environment, and at least be somewhat competent. I don't have to love my job. I don't feel entitled to something unrealistic. I know it takes time. But right now, I don't have a nursing job even though I've applied for dozens. I have an awkward-looking resume with a very short-lived nursing job on it. I also can't work in certain areas that require a lot of lifting because of my back. I don't know where to go from here and I'm not sure why I went through four years of school for this. I've tried to reach out, get advice, find out what my options are, but with little luck. I'm beginning to feel like a casualty of the system, but I need to keep my chin up. Can anyone else relate or give any advice? Should I remove my only nursing experience from my resume if it was so short-lived and negative? If anything, even if no one responds, I hope at least one person knows they are not alone in having a hard time with nursing.