100% of america's ers would be 50% as busy if 75% of patients would try the home pregnancy test.
75% of patients presenting to ers don't need emergent treatment; 20% of patients do need emergent treatment; 5% of patients should have listened to the nurse giving d/c instructions yesterday to prevent becoming a part of tomorrow's 75%.
3 nurses out of 1 are needed in america's ers.
100% of drunks presenting to ers consumed only 2 beers.
9 out of 10 nursing home patients requiring er treatment have poor nursing home care.
more to follow.....
carotid
supplying oxygen-rich blood to billions of brains globally
of all the departments and nursing floors in any given hospital in america, the er remains the only unit that never runs out of beds and can always accomodate any and every direct admit.
100% of patients presenting to the er because their private doctor told them to "get there right now" never anticipate any form of wait.
i have never met the driver of the car that rear-ended someone else and was at fault.
9 out of 10 nurses have college friends (not in the medical field) that did not apply themselves in school, had a botched gpa, sucked at interviewing, and still make more money than we nurses do, go home early, urinate every 2 hours, get an hour for lunch, and have their holidays off.
10 out of 10 "disabled" drunks that have seizures because they can't afford their dilantin are wasting taxpayers dollars.
6 out of 10 ena members don't see the benefit of membership.
this is so true! i have never, ever cared for a single patient, drunk or sober, injured or no, that contributed to a traffic accident in any way. they were all rear-ended, t-boned, or the innocent victim of someone running a stop sign/red light or driving on the wrong side of the road. not one of them was ever speeding, applying make-up, talking on the phone, or even in a hurry. come to think of it, i don't think i've ever had a solitary mva victim, either- they've all come in with friends, relatives, employees, complete strangers, etc who were in the car with them and they all want to be checked out.
so....... 100% of drivers who cause mvas escape them with no injuries whatsoever.
Most who come in with a foreign body to the rectum either
A) I don't know how it got there
or
B) I slipped and fell on it
(In miami atleast) People see a hurricane as a good time to head to the er during the storm cuz "I figured it would not be busy now"
80% of chest pains can magically be cured by ativan (especially in miami with the latin crisis factor)
50% of baker acts are drunks who some "innocent by-stander" saw passed out on the floor.
And as mentioned before ( I thought we were the only ER with this problem) census would decrease dramatically if Docs would see there pt's in their office instead of sending them to the er for check and call. :angryfire
When polled, 96%percent of interns wondered why nurses thought that listening to 90's club music would calm a pt down, the other 4% saw no connection between WW2 aircraft and medicine
Most who come in with a foreign body to the rectum either
A) I don't know how it got there
or
B) I slipped and fell on it
(In miami atleast) People see a hurricane as a good time to head to the er during the storm cuz "I figured it would not be busy now"
80% of chest pains can magically be cured by ativan (especially in miami with the latin crisis factor)
50% of baker acts are drunks who some "innocent by-stander" saw passed out on the floor.
And as mentioned before ( I thought we were the only ER with this problem) census would decrease dramatically if Docs would see there pt's in their office instead of sending them to the er for check and call. :angryfire
So true about the hurricane situation. Here in Tampa is the same. Everyone decides to "hunker down" in an ER b/c to them, "it's the safest".
LeahJet, ASN, RN
486 Posts
That is sooo true!!
~~hiding my arms and whistling nonchalantly~~