Berevement gifts for parents

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2008

I could not think of anything more personal than a heartfelt hand written condolence card stating personal stories or things (A silly smile or pretty eyes) about thier child. Along with any photos you may have of thier child. I am not a peds nurse, but I know I did a rotation on a great peds unit and they always had the digital camera out shooting pics of kids and staff.

If it is an "item" your wanting to give, a soft blanket or a cermaic angel I suppose, but I think of those as just things, where as a heartfelt letter is something very personal.

pedsnurse9 · Jul 28, 2008

What we currently do is take hand and foot prints, clip a lock of hair and take photos if the parents choose. We also send them home with a few booklets to help with grieving. In the bag they also recieve a packet of flower (Forget me knots), a picture frame and a stuffed teddy bear.

I was wondering if people use clay or mud molds to take imprints of feet or hands and if they had a name or somehow that I could order them.

RNAnnjeh, MSN, CNS · Jul 28, 2008

We have bereavement boxes on all of our peds units. They have a disposible camera, a condolence card that the staff sign, a double-heart locket....it's 2 ceramic hearts, one inside the other. The outer stays with the parent and the smaller can stay (and be burried) with the child.

We also do hair if the parents want, and our hand/foot prints are done with glitter so that the skin is not marked.

There is also a soft blanket, hat (for the wee babies) and books for siblings on death and grieving.

I know I'm missing something, but they are great boxes.

scribblerpnp · Jul 28, 2008

Here is a website for infant photography. There is a link inside which will give you the number for a local photographer in your area. The hospital near by has used this successfully and the photos and services are free. The photographer who lives in our area requests that the hospital call, and not the parent. That way if they can't do it due to scheduling, they don't have to turn down the parent. Our photographer is great and so far has come every time we have called, even later at night if her schedule was full. They will usually even do post mortem photographs if necessary.

Since we live in a small area, our local photographer has even taken pictures of older kids, so it may not hurt to ask your local people.

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com/

shelly304 · Jul 28, 2008

I lost my son at birth. Even though it has been 10 years this month, there are days I have to let myself sit down and have a good cry. I have all the little items mentioned here, but for me, it would be having a staff that showed empathy and compassion. Those are the two things I didn't walk away with from this terrible event in my life. The entire birth was a horrific thing to go through and I almost died too.

I can't begin to count how many nurses constantly told me, "Oh, you can have another one" You will just have to try again" You will have lots of babies." I never could have children after that.

Along with the wonderful keepsakes you give parents, make sure you give of yourself, while they are still in the hospital. I only remember the one person from my stay because of her wonderful, caring attitude toward me. No one else stands out. She held me, cried with me, and never told me I would have other children...as if they could replace what I lost. Her name was Elizabeth and she was the chief resident.

I think it is so very nice of you to post this and ask for suggestions.

Bless you and all the other nurses who work in peds. I couldn't do this on a daily basis.

debthern · Jul 28, 2008

the NICU I worked in we gave them the bereavement boxes but also gave the mother's a baby ring that they could wear on a chain...

Mom2Chaos · Jul 29, 2008

I lost a son (age 4) in PICU several years ago due to TBI. The hospital gave me a folder with hand and footprints, a picture and lock of his hair. To this day, I cherish these remaining remnants of my final moments with my first child. The staff was wonderful and had a profound impact on my decision to pursue nursing.

Do not feel that any gesture, no matter how small is "lame". While they may not acknowledge immediately, trust me... it is truly appreciated.

Working in the ER, I have often wished that there was something similar that I could do for parents. Fortunately, only once since I've started has a child expired, but I wanted so much to do something similar for the mom of this little boy and sadly, didn't have the resources.

RNAnnjeh, MSN, CNS · Jul 29, 2008

I should also mention that we routinely do follow up phone calls with families to check in....espcially around holidays, birthdays, anniversary of passing.

Our families have reported that they find this comforting, and they can choose to not receive the phone calls if they find them upsetting.

Eirene, ASN, RN · Jul 29, 2008

I have all the little items mentioned here, but for me, it would be having a staff that showed empathy and compassion. Those are the two things I didn't walk away with from this terrible event in my life.
Along with the wonderful keepsakes you give parents, make sure you give of yourself, while they are still in the hospital.

I too, lost my baby girl at five-months of age. Compassion is the greatest gift you can give. We were in the emergency room and the nurse allowed us to hold her for as long as we wanted without rushing us. I will never forget her kindness. Her name was Kim.

I really like the idea of the heart-within-the heart necklace. We have baby footprint pins.

leslie :-D · Jul 29, 2008

when i was doing peds hospice, we would give the parents a stepping stone:

a piece of slate that depicted baby/child boy or girl angel, with name, birthdate and deathdate.

a volunteer who was an artist, would have the basic outline of the baby/child already painted, and when we got a pt, she would paint on the distinguishing characteristics of that child, with name and birthdate...

and then deathdate when the time came.

parents loved it, and would put it either in their gardens or inside their home.

we were also considering giving engraved ornaments but never reached that point.

leslie