Are all L&D/Post-Partum units like this?

[PetiteOpRN]

I've had two children in two different hospitals, and two horrible L&D/post-partum experiences.

When my first baby was born, I was 20 and didn't know how to advocate for myself. The nurses were overtly critical of just about everything, from the family members I chose to have present at the birth to my religion's teachings on breastfeeding. My baby was taken from my room for assessments and feed formula against my request on multiple occasions. When the nurses came in to "teach" me, they belittled me and were condescending, to the point where they brought me to tears.

My second child was admitted to the NICU because she was delivered early for late decels. A couple of the nurses (who were completely ignorant of my health history) felt it was appropriate to tell me that I was responsible for my child being on a ventilator because I chose to work while pregnant and put her at risk (one shared this opinion with my minister). One nurse told me I was a bad parent because I didn't want to fill out a form that asked me to specify the state of my child's genitalia and my weight gain during pregnancy. They argued with me because I wanted to spend time with my child in the NICU instead of watching videos on taking the baby home (which I wouldn't be doing, so that was very difficult for me to watch). My smart, happy three-year-old had obviously survived my parenting, and I'm not sure where they got the evidence that I was such a terrible parent and that arguing with me at every possible opportunity would remedy the situation.

I'm sorry if this comes off as aggressive, but I'm frustrated and quite frankly dread having another child because I felt like I was being bullied by the nurses. Is there something I was doing as a patient that provoked animosity? What are your perspectives on this situation?

BTW, I don't think I am hypersensitive. I am an OR nurse, and it is my job to be yelled at by surgeons on a daily basis.

[guiltysins]

Not all hospitals are like that. Unfortunately you got the unlucky pick of having two bad ones, sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with both. Maybe you can consider a birthing center or a home birth if you have another child?

[ocmama]

Had three kids at home and I had great experiences. Just make sure you get a good midwife. Not sure what your health history is, but consider it. Also, not all hospitals are like that. A good friend of mine works in L&D at a local community hospital and they have a great floor. She actually helped another friend of ours deliver a 10 lb! baby boy lady partslly. Check to see if the hospital is "baby friendly" and you might have a better experience. Sorry to hear about your not so steller experiences, but it certainly can be better no matter where you choose to deliver.

[HappydayRn]

I planned on having a home birth based on my experience during my orientation on L&D. It wasn't that the nurses were mean it was that the experience of birth was diminished by the baby factory I felt L&D was. Push Pit no matter what the mom wants! Ick. (IMHO)

Your experience was far worse and I'm sorry a difficult time was made worse. I'm sure not all units are like this but that doesn't undue the damage those nurses did. Shame on them for treating you like that.

[RNCoastiewife]

Oh my goodness! You had a terrible experience, I am so sorry!! No, they are not all like that, I promise. I have been in that situation as well. I was 18 when I had my son and I was treated like I was some dumb kid. I was thankful to my dad and husband as they were the ones to really advocate for me. My son was in the NICU asstic well and they didn't do the greatest job at keeping me informed of tests and what nots. They would come and talk me into signing consent forms and such. Giving me very minimal information of what they were for. Now that I'm a nurse I know I would have disagreed with some of the things. I hate to say it b/c this hospital gets has a good name but I didn't enjoy my time there at all. On the good side though, when I had my daughter (at a different hospital) I had to spend two months in the hospital prior to deliever, my nurses were fantastic. Loved them, again my daughter was in the NICU (incomp cervix with both and early deliveries) They kept me very informed on everything. I am happy to say the name of that hospital Providence Alaska Medical in Anchorage.

[PetiteOpRN]

With two NICU babies, I don't think home birth is in the cards.

It seems like the hospitals are "baby-friendly," just not mother-friendly.

I saw the attitude when I was doing my OB clinicals in nursing school. One woman asked for Motrin, and the nurse brought her Motrin and her narcotic analgesic. When the patient tried to refuse and said, "I'm being discharged soon and I don't want to be out of it," the nurse said, "oh, so you don't want to be comfortable" and coerced her into taking the narcotic.

Other nurses would sit around the nurses station for most of their shifts and complain loudly about their patients, especially if the patient was particularly young. I've just never seen this in any other area of nursing, even on really busy floors where the nurses are overworked and burnt out.

I'm hoping that an L&D/PP nurse can explain why this attitude and type of nurse/patient relationship seem so pervasive.

[1uvakindmom]

I am so sorry that you had such bad experiences! I dont think all places are like this. I have had all four of my kids at the same local hospital and the nurses were all wonderful to me each time. Granted, this is a hospital that isnt terribly busy in the L&D, so I feel that this may have had a lot to do with it, but I never felt bullied or pushed into anything.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Is there something I was doing as a patient that provoked animosity? What are your perspectives on this situation?

It's impossible for me to answer this because we weren't there. There are always three sides to every story. That said, some people say that "perception is reality" and if you felt bullied by the nurses, that's all that matters. I'm sorry that happened to you. No, not all places are like that. I hope that your next birth experience is a good one.

[RNCoastiewife]

Did you do something to provoke them? Hm.. Well as the previous poster said we weren't there, but my guess is NO. I have only been a nurse for a year and I can say that some nurses can be catty! They like to puff their chest out when they are treating an equal. So maybe it was simply b/c your a nurse they wanted you to feel inferior to them since youre in a different specialty. At least the second time. The first time they were probably just being jerks bcyou were so young.

[jessiern06]

I am very sorry to hear that you had two different horrible stays after having your babies. I work in L&D and when I was expecting my son, I pick my hospital based on the amount of deliveries they do a year. I picked a hospital that was smaller but still had the level of care that was needed for my son and I during and after delivery. Hospitals that are very busy seem more pushy than hospitals that have a slower pace and are "baby-friendly" If you have strong my I suggest a religious hospital. They are more geared for mothers and families that have strong religious practices. I am sure you are a great mother and hope that they have not changed your mind about more children if you had set your mind on a larger family.

[jennylouwho]

IME, your nurse plays a great deal into whether you'll have a pleasant experience or not. I've had three births and the first one was the worst. The nurses did not like that I wanted a natural childbirth, going so far as to tell me in recovery that all the ones who wanted a natural birth end up with a c/s. Great, thanks for that tidbit. My second and third births were fantastic. I really had great, supportive nurses and because of that had two great VBACs. Same hospital for all three births.