Anyone overly sensitive that over came it?

stellina615 · Oct 21, 2009

Hi!

I tend to identify myself as pretty sensitive, and it's something I've sort of learned to deal with over time. I haven't tried to "toughen up" so much as I've tried to change my degree of sensitivity to the situation as it's appropriate. For instance, my sensitivity is really useful when a patient is opening up about his/her concerns or fears. People can perceive that characteristic about me (or you, as it were) and sometimes will connect more easily with me than they would with one of my "tougher" colleagues. I try to put my sensitivity away when it might encourage someone to take advantage of me (for instance, an addict might say "the other nurse will only give me my klonopin every 6 hours. I know it's only been 4 hours, but you're the only nurse who understands how anxious I really am!"). The point is to season your sensitivity with critical thinking, not to lose it entirely. Your sensitive nature is part of what makes you a compassionate nurse. I'm not sure if that's exactly the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helps. Also, I'm reading a book right now called The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine Aron. Haven't read enough of it to tell you whether it's good or not, but you might want to check it out. Good luck!

Benedina · Oct 21, 2009

Hi, Kittyhawk. Just a few quick thoughts.

*Any* trait we have, whether it's strong sensitivity, a hair-trigger temper, you name it, has a kernel of strength in it we can use to support our work and relationships. (People with bad tempers frequently have WAY more energy than others; if they chose to use that energy to serve instead of to blow up, they could probably change the world--or at least their world.)

You nailed the kernel of strength in sensitivity. Instead of being turned in on ourselves in our hurt we can turn it outwards and use our sensitivity to connect to others. And you nailed a second important part of the equation, too: to be able to use sensitivity as a strength we need to give ourselves the care it takes to not be overwhelmed by painful interactions.

We all have different ways of doing this, but I think a key is not to spin over an unpleasant incident or unkind person in our thoughts. You identify exactly the appropriate response to professional criticism: let it help you seek out more knowledge and skill. Just because you're not where you want to be as a professional yet, you *can* use your professional experience to sort out what was useful in Nurse Snarkster's reaction and what was not. Deal with the useful the way you know how: study and practice.

Deal with any useless snarkiness by dismissing it--and make learning *how* to dismiss it a part of your professional life. Because meditation is central to my life, I try to use a short prayer or mantram to keep my thoughts focused. (This is especially helpful to me in the moment of attack, when I'll be using it at about the speed of 60 mph.)

Any time my mind starts brooding over a real or imaginary hurt, I would gently start saying my mantram. If I didn't meditate, I might simply seek out a task I could give my full attention to. One that let me give my attention to another person might be especially useful.

In the aftermath of the incident, it's worth noting that Thomas Acquinas supposedly advised four remedies for sadness: talk to a friend (not necessarily about the rotten incident--do you have a friend who makes you laugh?), take a bath, have a good cry and read a good book. He may have been the brainiest guy in the 12th century but I would also add: take a brisk walk.

It's a really great question, and I hope people, not just with professional experience (which I do have), but with nursing experience (which I don't have) give you tips, too.

Dina

PurpleLVN · Oct 21, 2009

Hi Kittyhawk-As time goes on in your career you will become more confident, tougher and stronger. I am a sensitive person by nature but don't mess with my children or my license:nono:-I just automatically go to another level when my kids or job/license/career are involved. The tough skin will develop but only after you've gotten the callouses. Each "bad, negative, or constructive criticism will only make you stronger, wiser and better!! God bless!!:angel:

RN1982 · Oct 21, 2009

It's good to be sensitive towards the needs of your patient. On the other hand, if one is so sensitive that they cannot handle constructive criticism, that is a problem. I followed a nurse a few days ago, she missed all of her restraint checks, all of the q1 hour neuro and vascular checks plus the patient's fentanyl and versed drips were discontinued that morning at 6am so the patient could be extubated but it was unsuccessful. Yet, the fentanyl and versed drips had not been reordered and had been infusing all day.

I was very nice, non-confrontational about it and explained why these things were important. The nurse told me she called pharmacy and told them to continue the fentanyl and versed but they did not as they needed a new doctor's order for it. And I explained that to her. It doesn't matter that you called pharmacy, the meds were still discontinued at 6am and needed a new order. As for the restraint checks and neuro/vascular checks, I explained the whole "If it wasn't documented, it wasn't done." She says she didn't know where to document neuro and vasc checks and never asked anyone if there was a place. Ok, so I cut her some slack, showed her where to document the checks. She knows where to document the restraints so I didn't need to show her that but i'm not sure why she didn't do it all day.

Anyhow, she emailed my manager that morning and I guess she started crying and told one of my co-workers that I had a list of those things that she didn't do. Well, yeah, because I wanted to remember what to tell her. I wasn't nasty about it, it was a "just so you know, make sure you do this in the future"...management audits charting all the time, you will get in trouble. Anyhow, I didn't get into trouble with my manager as of yet, though she says she doesn't know why this other nurse emailed her to complain about me giving her constructive criticism. I guess this nurse has issues at home, but don't bring them to work with you. I care about the patients not about what is going on in your home life and it's not excuse to not document something or not follow up on orders. I don't want people to think I'm insensitive but don't bring your problems to work with you, they don't belong there.

RN1982 · Oct 21, 2009

When I was a new nurse, I was rather sensitive when other nurses criticized me. You have to learn to grow some rubber skin and let some of the outlandish things other nurses will say bounce right off of you. There are more important things to worry about.

kk637 · Oct 21, 2009

Hi, Kittyhawk. Just a few quick thoughts.
*Any* trait we have, whether it's strong sensitivity, a hair-trigger temper, you name it, has a kernel of strength in it we can use to support our work and relationships. (People with bad tempers frequently have WAY more energy than others; if they chose to use that energy to serve instead of to blow up, they could probably change the world--or at least their world.)
You nailed the kernel of strength in sensitivity. Instead of being turned in on ourselves in our hurt we can turn it outwards and use our sensitivity to connect to others. And you nailed a second important part of the equation, too: to be able to use sensitivity as a strength we need to give ourselves the care it takes to not be overwhelmed by painful interactions.
We all have different ways of doing this, but I think a key is not to spin over an unpleasant incident or unkind person in our thoughts. You identify exactly the appropriate response to professional criticism: let it help you seek out more knowledge and skill. Just because you're not where you want to be as a professional yet, you *can* use your professional experience to sort out what was useful in Nurse Snarkster's reaction and what was not. Deal with the useful the way you know how: study and practice.
Deal with any useless snarkiness by dismissing it--and make learning *how* to dismiss it a part of your professional life. Because meditation is central to my life, I try to use a short prayer or mantram to keep my thoughts focused. (This is especially helpful to me in the moment of attack, when I'll be using it at about the speed of 60 mph.)
Any time my mind starts brooding over a real or imaginary hurt, I would gently start saying my mantram. If I didn't meditate, I might simply seek out a task I could give my full attention to. One that let me give my attention to another person might be especially useful.
In the aftermath of the incident, it's worth noting that Thomas Acquinas supposedly advised four remedies for sadness: talk to a friend (not necessarily about the rotten incident--do you have a friend who makes you laugh?), take a bath, have a good cry and read a good book. He may have been the brainiest guy in the 12th century but I would also add: take a brisk walk.
It's a really great question, and I hope people, not just with professional experience (which I do have), but with nursing experience (which I don't have) give you tips, too.
Dina

Thanks Dina, I enjoyed what u had to say. Very helpful after the day I had today. I am a new grad nurse who just came off my 12 week orientation. I busted ass today with 4 patients and I was so busy. After giving report to one nurse, of course she had to come back and nit pick on everything I gave her in report, plus throw in a few lectures of her own, like I don't have my own preceptor teaching me. Nonetheless, I agree with what you say to take what's useful and "dismiss" what is not. I like that part. Thanks!

Super_RN, BSN, RN · Oct 21, 2009

Some things still bother me, so I haven't really changed in that aspect. What has changed is how I choose to deal with the situations. As you progress in your career, you will gain more skills, confidence, and knowledge and will be better equipped to deal with certain issues. I am not knocking you, just speaking from experience, so please dont' take it the wrong way. It's good that you're sensitive--you need to be to a certain degree! I will also add that if certain people know how to push your buttons, they will and will continue to do so if they think they can get away with it!

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Oct 21, 2009

I've been told I dont take constructive criticism well. And when someone is bitter/mean/rude to me in an nonconstructive way, I tend to form a grudge from it.

I come from the school of though that when something we are doing is non-productive for our lives (temper, overeating, critical, thin skinned......w/e) it comes from a flaw within us that reflects itself in that fashion.

For example, most abusive people.........were abused themselves and live their lives in fear of being abused again. Their abusive nature stems from fear.

For me, not taking constructive criticism well and being resentful about less than pleasant remarks stems from my want/desire to be liked by everyone. Its an ego thing.

I had to stop trying to be the friend of every single co-worker first. Second, not trying to win a popularity contest all the time had to be done away with. When I have these issues under control, remarks by other people take on a new/realistic light and priority. They will affect me if they should, and if they are not that bad, they wont.

Batman24 · Oct 21, 2009

Most of my instructors were pretty good but I think almost all of us have put up with some that were less than kind, constructive, and helpful. I always told myself I just needed to get through x amount of weeks and I could be done with this person forever. I also tried to have compassion for them because people that are so mean and angry really aren't happy people. That helped me to see them in a different light and to realize it wasn't really about me. It was about them.

I was very fortunate to work with nurses right out of the gate who were nice and wanted to help. As a new RN you are already petrified. You really don't need any more stress.

You won't be new forever. Sometimes in the beginning it is best to bite your tongue a little. Take what they say and see if you can learn something from it. As time goes on and your confidence goes up you can let them know what you know and that their tone is less than professional if it continues long term.

Hang in there. It gets better.

BmoreCRNP · Oct 22, 2009

This thread is helpful for me to read. I'm actually an experienced RN, but a new NP! Not only do I have to deal with doctors who resent what I'm doing, but I have to deal with nurses who want to make sure I don't think my education makes me smarter than them. So they are extra defensive, snarky, sarcastic, etc. I am an extremely sensitive person. So much so that I pay attention to the non-verbal cues (eye rolling, fish mouth, etc). Another frustrating thing is feeling as if you are not respected for non-clinical reasons like your appearance, your personality, or your age. I'm in my mid-thirties and some of these women still want to treat me like a kid! I'm like look I've already started getting grey hairs. How old do I have to be before you people think I'm seasoned????