Any advice for smoking/non-smoking relationship?

[thetravellertoplaces]

I am in the best relationship of my life and soon to be married, however the one thing that really is a barrier between us is smoking. I've never smoked, and she's smoked for about 20 years. She's not a real heavy smoker, but more of a stress smoker and at other times a casual smoker. She already knows my feelings towards her habit all too well, but at the same time she's a firecracker sometimes which makes it hard to talk about it with her. I can't stand the smoke and it hurts me to see that she's putting all those poisons into her. While she is trying to quit, I'm going through my own battle on how to deal with her smoking. It doesn't help that most of her family smokes as well.

Any advice on nonsmoker-smoker relationships would be very much appreciated.

[markuskristian]

Google search for "snus"

It's actually snüs. It comes from Sweden. It's a smokeless tobacco like regular dip. I know that sounds disgusting for your wife, but hear me out.

It's steam-cured rather than fire-cured like American dip, meaning it has a dramatically lower carcinogenic rate. Also, they sell them in tiny packets that are used in the upper/side lip.. They're invisible to other unlike American dip.

Anyways, here's what I'm getting at.. MANY MANY people have used it as a means to quit smoking. You can order them in different nicotine amounts so you can accurately lower the nicotine content without suddenly dropping a smoker's "oral fixation." Furthermore, the flavors out there cover all the tobacco smell/flavor. Instead of ordering though, Camel just put out there own snus product so you can buy it at Walmart now.

[*ac*]

I feel like I've been dealing with this issue my entire life.

I grew up with it, took it up, put it down (while watching my mother die a painful death following a miserable 10 years), now live with someone who was never able to put it down after many, many years of trying, despite promises before getting married.

My advice is, don't expect her to EVER quit. If you marry her, expect that she will age way faster than you, not be as active/able bodied as you, her health will decline, you will end up taking care of her, and there's a good chance she won't join you in your old age.

The smell is a teensy, tiny part of the problem.

[sasha2lady]

well...i am a smoker....tried to quit several times...failed each time so far but i have cut back with alot of will power ....however...some people are so anti smoke and seems like you're one of those....maybe the relationship just isnt meant to go as far as marriage cuz when you get married its for better or worse and when you say your vows ...you essentially say that you both accept each other for better or worse...and that might include smoking.....its a true addiction....kind of like alcohol..its not just something that you can realistically expect her to give up b/c you dont like it. I myself wouldnt quit for anyone but me....i would not let a man tell me to quit..if anything it would make me smoke more probably but then again..thats just me. I wouldnt predict her just up and giving it up anytime soon.....maybe you 2 should have a true heart to heart and if you truly cannot accept her smoking maybe it would be a good idea to go separate ways...even temporarily. ....might give her an incentive to wanna quit maybe.....

[HippyGreenPeaceChick]

Im still dating, however being a nonsmoker, I will only date a non smoker.

[wayneh3891]

I get where you are coming from:

I am going out with my bf who smokes at the weekend, we got engaged last week (he asked me), when we first met me he smoked all the time, I told him that I didn't like it because I was worried about his health and that I didn't want to have to visit him in hospital in 20 years or maybe earlier because of this awful habit, so he cut down and now only smokes when he goes out at the weekend (he works in a pub so I understand that stopping smoking in that kind of environent would be difficult). It still makes me very upset everytime I see him have one, it breaks my heart because I don't ever want to lose him and I hate seeing him poisoning himself. I love him with all my heart and will be with him for the rest of my life I hope, as I write this now thinking about what he is doing to his body is getting me so upset. He loves me and has told me that he will give up eventually, I have told him that I will love him forever but I cant be around him in say 2 years if he hasn't stopped by then (who knows in 2 years time if he hasn't stopped smoking I may not care) but I know that may sound selfish but I don't want to put myself through the agony of having to visit him in hospital if he ends up dying because of cigarettes, I would die of a broken heart, knowing that the addiction of cigarettes has ended his life . He tells me just to live for today and not to worry about the future, but the thought of him not being with me when we are old is just unbearable.

I totally understand where you are coming from, when you love someone you cant help it, I fell in love with him at first sight, years ago I said I would never date someone who smokes because I couldn't handle the pain of probably eventually losing them. Stick by her, ask yourself this, how upset would you be if you broke up with her now? I know that I couldn't break up with Jayms as my life would be unbearable without him but at the same time it would be unbearable to lose him due to health problems related to smoking. Just give her some time. :-)