Anxiety Attacks on my days off......

LPNTara · Dec 6, 2011

Also do you have to be part of the in crowd on here to get a response or have someone write back to you? Feels like I'm at work lmaooo! being ignored and feeling dumb.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Dec 6, 2011

In the hour and a half between your posts, it's quite possible that none of our members read the first one. After all this isn't a chat room, it's a discussion forum. It's also quite possible that the members or guests who did read it didn't know how to respond to it. There are a number of other threads that are in a similar vein and a lot of the comments posted to them would apply to your situation. You should remember that everyone has their own opinions, and the comments your coworkers are offering you are just that, their opinions. Would I have called 911 for a COPDer with sats of 84%? Probably not. Would I have arranged a transfer to a higher level of care? Absolutely. Would I have given Tylenol for a temp of 99.1F? No. Would I take the previous days' or weeks' data into consideration. Sure. But I wouldn't give an antipyretic unless the temp was at least 101F. Tylenol isn't as harmless as many people think, especially in people who have multiple comorbidities. Would I have made you feel stupid for giving it anyway? Not likely. Perhaps you could talk to your supervisor and ask for his/her input.

You asked if your behaviour is normal. You answered that yourself by using the words "obsessively" and "obsessed". I think your behaviour is a bit excessively anxious but it is early days for you in your profession. You're still on the learning treadmill. You need to find something to distract you when you head down the woulda-shoulda-coulda path. No one of us gets through a shift without some sort of flaw, big or small, in our performance. It's not possible. And you MUST find a way to eat something on your shift, even if it's energy bars. I know they taste horrible, but without adequate nutrients your brain cannot function. You also need to ensure you're getting adequate fluids. Who knows, you may find you're not as anxious is you're still thinking clearly at the end of your shift.

If you find you're still having these anxiety episodes a month from now I'd recommend you see your family physician for advice and perhaps some form of treatment. You won't be able to function like this for long.

LPNTara · Dec 6, 2011

Thank you so much! I agree that I need to take a step back and I was entirely joking with my last post

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Dec 6, 2011

You sounded more like you were upset, which wouldn't be out of line considering how distraught you are about your life right now. Trust me when I say that there is NO shame in admitting you're struggling. It's better to nip things in the bud than to try and reconstruct your world after a meltdown. I've been there. Twice.

I've been thinking about the two examples you offered in your OP. The next time another nurse says you messed up by giving a PRN when s/he wouldn't have, or by calling the ambulette instead of 911, turn it around! Say something like, "You know, I'm not using this as an excuse, but I don't have a lot of experience yet so I'm going to have some moments when I'm not sure what I should do. Could you help me learn how to manage this kind of situation better? Why and how would you have done things differently?" Then the ball is in the other nurse's court and only a real nasty person would continue to tear strips off you. And don't forget to eat!

LPNTara · Dec 6, 2011

Thank you Janfrn. yes I'm upset for sure, I'm still crying but trying to snap out of it. I am having a hard time and I need this job for my family to eat so I think the pressure of not being able to financially survive puts this fear in my head "I'm fired" all the time. Every time I get a paycheck I convince myself it's the last one I'll ever get... Even typing this I realize how crazy I sound. I know I def need to eat and drink fluids and use the restroom... I go entire shifts without urinating...it's stupid bc I'm burning myself out and I go into work exhausted from crying on my off days lol. Now I'm back on tomorrow for five days and panicked.. I need to take a chill pill.... I may need to see an MD I'm thinking I can't do this on my own.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Dec 6, 2011

Thank you Janfrn. yes I'm upset for sure, I'm still crying but trying to snap out of it. I am having a hard time and I need this job for my family to eat so I think the pressure of not being able to financially survive puts this fear in my head "I'm fired" all the time.

I've been there too. When I graduated I couldn't get hired anywhere; I applied for 164 positions over 6 months before I was hired by an agency that only promised they'd call me for casual shifts. No guaranteed hours, no guarantees of anything. My spouse was unemployed at the time too and we had 3 kids aged 11-15. I did some things I never dreamed I'd have to do so that I could bring home a pay cheque.

I know I def need to eat and drink fluids and use the restroom... I go entire shifts without urinating...

You're asking for kidney stones, my dear. I learned THAT lesson the hard way too. Between severe hemorrhagic UTIs and multiple stones, I force myself to carry around a bottle of water so that I then HAVE to go to the restroom at least twice a shift.

it's stupid bc I'm burning myself out and I go into work exhausted from crying on my off days lol. Now I'm back on tomorrow for five days and panicked.. I need to take a chill pill.... I may need to see an MD I'm thinking I can't do this on my own.

It's imperative that you get control of this anxiety now. Too much depends on your being able to function. Self-care is always the last on our lists, when it really should be first! And then there's the personality trait we all have that tells us we need to be able to handle everything that comes our way all by ourselves - and that's just wrong. I don't know why there's such a prevalence of this in our profession but we have to learn to ask for help when we need it. At work, at home, for our physical health and for our mental health. And as with so many other things, identifying the problem is the first step toward a solution. Please do talk to someone.

allnurses Guide · Dec 7, 2011

Hi Tara! Just wanted to let you know I saw your post last night but wanted to think about how to respond as there are a number of issues contained in it. I just checked to make sure you got an answer - not tooting my own horn here just letting you know how things work around here at times.

Jan touched all the bases there. I'll just add a couple of personal observations. Anxiety is normal when you start anything new, but how much is too much? Is the anxiety caused by issues you can do something about or not?

It sounds like you've been put in a position of authority as a new grad. That alone would be a huge source of stress. How long was your orientation? Was it enough for you? Do you have a supervisor on site for support or only available by phone? You can't expect yourself to make all the right judgement calls when you're new and don't have a support person available who won't ridicule your questions.

It sounds like in an effort not to appear "dumb" (you're not dumb) you make a decision just to make a decision rather than ask for guidance from more experienced people. You really sail out to risky waters when you do that, but you did contact your supervisor over the 84% sat lady, right? Whatever any other nurse thinks should not be your concern then. In nursing you really need to grow your duck feathers and learn to disregard feedback from people who aren't supportive of you or are your superior in the food chain.

Some of us (like me!) are just anxiety prone by nature. You've got to know yourself and what you can realistically handle. If anxiety continues to disrupt your life (ie eating, sleeping, and family relationships) you may need to seek counseling or visit your doctor, but be very careful if he or she offers you a real "chill pill" :) They are not the solution to long-term issues like this.

Anyway, I'm glad you took the leap to post here. Hope it gave you some ideas on how to proceed forward. Best wishes to you!

NewPICURN · Dec 7, 2011

I know the feeling. I'm a new grad in a Pediatric ICU and I occasionally have feelings like this. I know that I feel fine at work and once I get going. I feel like I just never know what's coming. It helps me to remind myself that I have made it through it in the past and I'm not expected to be an expert right now, just to do my best. Just do your best.. that's all you can do. I'm sorry that the people that should be your resource are being so rude. My coworkers are a source of confidence and comfort to me.

imsarawithnoh · Dec 7, 2011

I'm in the same position as you are, only one month in. When I'm not there, I always worry about what I did wrong, this time. Documentation is my kryptonite. Every little thing, no matter how inconsequential has to be documented. It's not part of nursing school and it seems like I'm always missing something. Work related nightmares when I do sleep and now I'm getting sick. UGH!

Well, I just got the call I feared, "we need to talk about some things, when can you come in?"

Follow-up later

fsh1986 · Feb 14, 2012

The next time another nurse says you messed up by giving a PRN when s/he wouldn't have, or by calling the ambulette instead of 911, turn it around! Say something like, "You know, I'm not using this as an excuse, but I don't have a lot of experience yet so I'm going to have some moments when I'm not sure what I should do. Could you help me learn how to manage this kind of situation better? Why and how would you have done things differently?" Then the ball is in the other nurse's court and only a real nasty person would continue to tear strips off you. And don't forget to eat!

I'm going to remember this, just in case!