Am I just not meant to be a nurse?

[MamaBear2326]

As a little bit of background info, I should start off by saying I’m taking my last pre-req before I apply to the nursing program this coming semester and I’ve been so excited about starting this journey! I’ve done great in all of my classes and have a great GPA. My overarching goal is to become a NNP after gaining experience as a NICU nurse.

Anyway... I started as a PCT in the ER about 2-3 weeks ago and the other day, I walked out. I was SO excited to start and work PRN throughout nursing school. However, when I started, my anxiety skyrocketed to a level it has never reached before. I’ve never worked in healthcare so this was a culture shock for sure. I felt overwhelmed with everything I was supposed to learn. (Techs in the ER that I worked at also do Foleys & Straight caths, EKGs, and blood draws).

Keep in mind this is also the busiest ER in the state due to the wide geographical area we serve. So the day I walked out, my 4th day on the floor, I was “walked through” on how to insert a foley. I had watched my preceptor do it a couple of times, but there was only one set of sterile gloves that were there so I didn’t have any additional hands to help, other than them holding the pt. I had never taken a class on it. In orientation, we were shown what a foley looks like, but not how to insert it. I thought it was crazy that they could have someone who had never worked in healthcare before insert a catheter by themselves on their 4th day on the job!

Same with EKGs. Although less invasive, my preceptor had me doing those by myself while she stood in the room. Again, never taken a class over it or shown the proper way to place the stickers/leads, I was just basing it off of what my preceptor did (who had only been working there 6 months). I was waiting to take a class for that at the hospital too and I was supposed to shadow someone, but they have to have so many people in the class and they didn’t yet. So they just let me start doing it!

All of this to say I was overwhelmed, anxious beyond belief, and uncomfortable doing such invasive things so early on that on my break, I bawled and had to leave because I couldn’t compose myself. I felt like I was making a fool of myself in front of patients and their family members because I was doing stuff that I had no idea how to do. I also came to the conclusion that I would NEVER want to work in the ER as a nurse. I don’t have the personality for it.

Am I not meant to be a nurse? Was that a normal feeling and I just didn’t have what it takes? I’m kicking myself for not toughing it out and trying harder to learn, but at the same time I’m questioning why I was not being trained like I should (in my eyes I guess, I’m not sure what the norm is). I’m shadowing a NICU nurse soon at a different hospital and I’m excited about that, but also scared that I’ll realize it’s not for me even though it’s been my dream. Any one have any advice? Has anyone ever loathed a certain specialty? Thank you guys in advance.

[NICU Guy, BSN, RN]

1 hour ago, MamaBear2326 said:

I was “walked through” on how to insert a foley. I had watched my preceptor do it a couple of times, but there was only one set of sterile gloves that were there so I didn’t have any additional hands to help, other than them holding the pt.

This should never have happened. She should have walked you through it by having you do it not her. There may have been only one set of sterile gloves in the kit, but there are many sterile gloves available in sizes 5 -8 (even half sizes) in ERs.

1 hour ago, MamaBear2326 said:

Same with EKGs. Although less invasive, my preceptor had me doing those by myself while she stood in the room. Again, never taken a class over it or shown the proper way to place the stickers/leads, I was just basing it off of what my preceptor did (who had only been working there 6 months).

I am assuming you are meaning 12 lead EKGs. Go online for a picture of the placement of the leads and print it out. Carry it as a reference until the point that you no longer need to use it. There are also several YouTube videos that explain it.

1 hour ago, MamaBear2326 said:

Am I not meant to be a nurse? Was that a normal feeling and I just didn’t have what it takes? I’m kicking myself for not toughing it out and trying harder to learn, but at the same time I’m questioning why I was not being trained like I should (in my eyes I guess, I’m not sure what the norm is)

You need to push through your anxiety and keep at it until these tasks are no longer anxiety provoking. When you encounter the next new task that you need to preform, you will have the knowledge that you struggled through foleys and EKGs, but you pushed on and now you can do them without the anxiety. The same will happen in the next new task.

You need to build self confidence that you will survive the moment and things will get better the more you perform those tasks. Nursing school is a series of hurdles, some are big and some are small. You just need to attack them one at a time and keep looking forward towards the next hurdle. When you finish nursing school, you will look back at all the hurdles you jumped over and be amazed at how far you have come from where you started and where you are at now.

[rnhopeful82, ASN, RN]

If this hospital is a big one due to the geographical area, and one of only a few around, you might want to make sure that your walking out won't impact possible clinical rotations for your school or any possible future hirings. Good luck!

[alexia8]

I agree with the above poster. The more you do tasks the more comfortable you will feel. I suffer with some anxiety too and all throughout clinicals it never really went away, I was always nervous. But, the longer you are there the less nervous you will be. It's nervewracking for sure, just try to be confident in yourself! I learn best when someone shows me how to do it and then walks me through how to do it myself.

[MamaBear2326]

Thank y’all for your replies! Yes, I definitely know that I need to work on pushing through the nerves/anxiety of it all. It probably didn’t help that it was my first job since having my both of my children, so I was having some separation anxiety on top of it.

There is another big hospital in my area that has a WAY better reputation than the one I worked at that I actually aspire to work at since it has a more advanced NICU, which is the one I’m shadowing at in the near future. I will still have clinicals at the one I worked at, but not sure where I’ll be for my ER rotation. My preceptor mentioned that they go through techs fast, so since I was only there for a few days, they may not remember me in a year or so if I even have clinicals there.