Hi Everyone, I am new to posting although I have been reading posts on all nurses since I came across this site. I am 25 years old and will be starting school next month to become a nurse (2yr ADN program). I have worked in healthcare since I was 19, mostly as a phlebotomist but also as a CNA. I am very acquainted with the healthcare setting and feel like I know what I am getting myself into. With that being said, I feel like I might be crazy to think I can actually handle a career as a nurse. The reason I say this is because of some things that have happened in my life recently. Let me explain:
About 19 months ago both of my children were diagnosed with a rare genetic condition (not obvious at birth). There is no cure and it is terminal. My oldest son (4 in December) started showing some signs of regression at about 18 months old after developing normally up until then. He now can no longer walk, talk, eat, etc. We immediately tested our then 6 month old son and he was also diagnosed. With this condition, it diagnosed before symptoms present, (which usually only happens in situations like mine when an older sibling is first diagnosed) then you have the option of doing an umbilical cord blood transplant. It does not cure the condition but it can delay onset of symptoms and slows down the normally rapid progression of the disease. At 8 months old (May 2009), our younger son had the transplant. He did exceptionally well with minor complications until about 6 months post transplant when his issues became more serious. 3 months later, 3 days shy of 18 months old our sweet baby boy passed away. Tomorrow will mark 6 months without him:( My 4 year old is currently stable, smiles all the time, and even attends pre-school for 3 hours a day. The thing is with this condition- he could have 3 months he could have 3 years. He will most definately, (unless they come up with a cure) not make it to his early teens.
While this is a lot to deal with, the grief is and always will be there, I feel the need to do something. I left my last job when my son started his treatment and I am ready to start picking up the pieces and get my life back together because the reality is that life goes on without him. Let me also say that if my almost 4 year old developed ANY issues that I would drop out and put nursing school on hold-He is my #1 priority. Now that that is all out, Nursing is something I have always wanted to do. I actually started nursing school at 19 but was working full-time also and wanting to "just be 19" and then the kids came along and life happens. Now is the first time in my life that nursing school is an option again. I feel like eventhough my circumstances are rough that I can make it through school and do good at it. I am not a half-asser- I either give it my all or don't even attempt it. My problem is my heart is in pediatrics. I just wonder with my history is it something that I could REALLY do. Could I handle it? Who knows maybe I'll get into pediatrics and hate it and find a passion for something else. I've thought about even looking into being a flight nurse which I know would entail experience in critical/intensive care which are other fields I am also interested in. I guess there is really not a point in this post- I am just kind of thinking out loud. Your opinions would be greatly appriciated on this matter though.
Another thing that I really worry about is the job market in my area. There are several nursing schools around so there will be lots of competition. I plan on furthering my education past ADN but with my situation, it could take me a long time to get to that point.
I appreciate every ones response weather I agree with what you have to say or not. It has made me really think more about it. I plan on moving forward with full time for the first quarter and then depending on how that goes decide what I want to do. I have the option of going part time at night (it will take twice as long to graduate that way) but if that is the better route for me then that is what I will do.
Thank you all for your kind expressions of sympathy. While I did ask for your opinions-I am feeling totally judged. To the person who told me to consider putting my child first instead of myself: Please come walk a few days in my shoes. I firmly believe that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others. What good am I if I sit home depressed all day everyday? I feel that some of you (most of you) get the impression that my son is not my priority. Honestly, when it comes down to it I don't care what anyone thinks or assumes-no one can truly understand my situation. I just wonder if my friends and family who seem so supportive are really thinking these things in the back of their heads.
i too, am so very sorry about your past and future losses.
the bottom line is, no one can possibly understand your feelings, unless they have lost a child themself...
as i have...when she was 6 yo.
that's all i need to say about that...only to point out that i do understand.
and i fully agree with you and the others who assert that you will likely do more damage to your son and yourself, should you remain home and spend that "precious" time.
trying to make the most of ltd time, is, believe it or not, only a very small part of the big picture.
you want your son to see you and remember you as engaged, functional, productive, involved...
and not an irreparably depressed mom, who is near incapable of experiencing anything gratifying and worthwhile...
not even her own child.
and that's what depression does to many of us.
it can immobilize you to the point of isolating yourself from cherished relationships.
with everyone's advice in mind (re the commitment that nsg school commands), i would see if i could do nsg school part time...
and take on more classes if you find yourself adjusting well.
we cannot stop living while waiting for a loved one to leave us.
and that is essentially what it sounds like others may be suggesting.
regardless of the outcome, you will forever be a loving, devoted mom, whether your children are here or elsewhere.
i applaud you, for wanting to make your 'mark' in life, clearly for the benefit of your children and all other children who need top-notch pedi nurses.
stacey, you've been in a dark place for a long, long time.
time to reach for the light and make yourself shine.
prayers for peace, faith, wisdom, and strength.:redpinkhe
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Thank you all for your kind expressions of sympathy. While I did ask for your opinions-I am feeling totally judged. To the person who told me to consider putting my child first instead of myself: Please come walk a few days in my shoes. I firmly believe that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others. What good am I if I sit home depressed all day everyday? I feel that some of you (most of you) get the impression that my son is not my priority. Honestly, when it comes down to it I don't care what anyone thinks or assumes-no one can truly understand my situation. I just wonder if my friends and family who seem so supportive are really thinking these things in the back of their heads.
I have not lost a child, but I do get your point...which is why I did say and believe that you need something for YOU. While I know that you sincerely love your children, I think that you need something else to challenge you, distract your mind from this a bit and allow you to use your mind in a different way. Taking classes can most certainly do that.
Make sure you read the policy of the school regarding lateness and absences, in case an emergency does, in fact, occur with your surviving child or even yourself. I was just reading in another thread here (or was it this one?) how a student's father passed away the same day as his final, and he didn't inform the school on time, thus, they failed him.
stacey914
17 Posts
I appreciate every ones response weather I agree with what you have to say or not. It has made me really think more about it. I plan on moving forward with full time for the first quarter and then depending on how that goes decide what I want to do. I have the option of going part time at night (it will take twice as long to graduate that way) but if that is the better route for me then that is what I will do.