...Advice?

ParkerBC,MSN,RN, PhD, RN · Dec 3, 2014

Hi Sunny-

You do not need to be perfect. Grades are a way in which we measure performance. I wish there was another way. In fact, I would prefer to see either pass or fail. Students put so much emphasis on grades. I have had students who excel in the classroom, but who have subpar performance in clinical. The opposite is true. All you are required to do is your very best. That is all anyone including yourself can ask for.

You know, I made a lot of friends when I was in nursing school. Today, I do not speak to any of them. It was not a conscious choice; it was rather a matter of life. The place where you want to make friends is your employer because that will be the second place where you will spend the majority of your time. Some people are funny about being friends outside of work. Some, including myself, are simply private people. It is not a reflection of the other person’s character or personality.

What I will say though is that if there are some who “tolerate you” because you are able to contribute in some way to them, they aren’t your friends. In fact, I would not put myself into a position to be used that way. It’s not cool! Start networking with instructors and nurses at your clinical sites. This will be beneficial upon graduation. Log into AN and meet people.

Awkward or not, you’re a person deserving of respect and courtesy. I hope the very best for you!

SunnyTrailRunner · Dec 3, 2014

Hi Sunny-
You do not need to be perfect. Grades are a way in which we measure performance. I wish there was another way. In fact, I would prefer to see either pass or fail. Students put so much emphasis on grades. I have had students who excel in the classroom, but who have subpar performance in clinical. The opposite is true. All you are required to do is your very best. That is all anyone including yourself can ask for.
You know, I made a lot of friends when I was in nursing school. Today, I do not speak to any of them. It was not a conscious choice; it was rather a matter of life. The place where you want to make friends is your employer because that will be the second place where you will spend the majority of your time. Some people are funny about being friends outside of work. Some, including myself, are simply private people. It is not a reflection of the other person’s character or personality.
What I will say though is that if there are some who “tolerate you” because you are able to contribute in some way to them, they aren’t your friends. In fact, I would not put myself into a position to be used that way. It’s not cool! Start networking with instructors and nurses at your clinical sites. This will be beneficial upon graduation. Log into AN and meet people.
Awkward or not, you’re a person deserving of respect and courtesy. I hope the very best for you!

Thank you, ParkerBC! Reading that really helped me to feel a lot better. It is so difficult to not compare my progress to that of others. This first semester taught me so much! Oddly, I learned more about how to be a nursing student and how to treat my classes/clinicals more than I learned about how to be a nurse. I'll definitely take your advice about true friends. I agree that if people just stick around with me because I help study, etc., it isn't a friendship.

From your post it sounds as though you are an instructor. If so, I hope your finals week runs smoothly. I know things can be just as stressful for you guys. Happy Holidays to you!

ParkerBC,MSN,RN, PhD, RN · Dec 3, 2014

Happy holidays to you too, Sunny!

Thank you, ParkerBC! Reading that really helped me to feel a lot better. It is so difficult to not compare my progress to that of others. This first semester taught me so much! Oddly, I learned more about how to be a nursing student and how to treat my classes/clinicals more than I learned about how to be a nurse. I'll definitely take your advice about true friends. I agree that if people just stick around with me because I help study, etc., it isn't a friendship.
From your post it sounds as though you are an instructor. If so, I hope your finals week runs smoothly. I know things can be just as stressful for you guys. Happy Holidays to you!

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Dec 3, 2014

It's hard. Chances are that many of your classmates aren't juggling nearly as many duties outside of class that you are. I was you--wife, mom, worked full time, nursing infant, etc... That said, I did make a couple of VERY good friends in nursing school that I keep in touch with today, but it took time.

Yes, having friends is great, but do keep in mind that you are there for an education, it's not meant to be a social occasion, that was for HS =)

Red Kryptonite · Dec 3, 2014

Maybe you could study more, but your grades are good and you're doing well. Balance is important in life.

As to domestic responsibilities, how old are your kids? Do they have chores? If not (and they're old enough), WHY NOT? You can't do everything. Do you have a spouse/partner? Are they chipping in on the household duties to help support you during school?

My point is that you feel like you're burning out because you do so much, so is there a way to lessen your load?

On the kids and chores thing, don't underestimate what they can do. My youngest started emptying the dishwasher at 4 as her regular job. She's now 7 and does all the same jobs as her older siblings, sometimes with a little help if something requires height or strength she doesn't have yet. I've got 5 of them ages 16 down to 7 and they do dishes and laundry, vacuum, pick up after and care for the dogs, wipe down the kitchen and bathrooms, sweep floors, and occasionally cook. I told them I don't make 90% of the mess so there's no way I'm cleaning it all up myself!

As to feeling insecure or "stupid," I'm college educated but never in a million years expected to enter nursing. I start LPN school in January and fully expect to feel overwhelmed and like I know nothing, at least early on. Even with 3 years' CNA experience, I'm aware of how much I don't know. Nursing is so demanding and so uniquely unrelated to almost anything else in life that I think feeling out of your depth is normal.

Julie Reyes, DNP, RN · Dec 3, 2014

I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you a hug.

Other than that - I am terrible with advice, so I will let those who are good with words give you great advice. In the meantime - HUGS!

Shagce1 · Dec 3, 2014

I know how you feel. I too, am finishing my 1st semester. I have never been filled with so much self doubt and insecurities. I am doing well, but always think I am missing something and could be doing better. Don't worry about the friends or lack thereof. Work with them in a professional respectful way, but sometimes friendships can just get in the way. One more thing to keep up with. You are exhausted. 1st semester is hard. You will be done soon and can take a break. Good luck.

SunnyTrailRunner · Dec 4, 2014

Thanks, everyone! Your comments have really helped!! After focusing on the positives of some things happening in my journey, I'm feeling a lot better. My husband and kids have been amazing and supportive. I just have a really hard time when I see things like laundry or dust accumulating and knowing finances are really tight for the holidays. We may have to come up with an alternative to having a Christmas tree this year. But, that will be an opportunity to teach the kids life isn't about what you own.

Thanks, again, for all your kind words! Sometimes help is needed to get out of one's own head. Now I'm really excited for a break and a fresh start to a new semester!!

SunnyTrailRunner · Dec 4, 2014

I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you a hug.
Other than that - I am terrible with advice, so I will let those who are good with words give you great advice. In the meantime - HUGS!

Thank you, Julie! I have been following your journey through the articles. They always make me chuckle out loud while reading them. Thanks for sharing your experience!

SunnyTrailRunner · Dec 4, 2014

I know how you feel. I too, am finishing my 1st semester. I have never been filled with so much self doubt and insecurities. I am doing well, but always think I am missing something and could be doing better. Don't worry about the friends or lack thereof. Work with them in a professional respectful way, but sometimes friendships can just get in the way. One more thing to keep up with. You are exhausted. 1st semester is hard. You will be done soon and can take a break. Good luck.

I know exactly what you mean! The first half of the semester it seemed as though I was just in a fog. Everyone always came to me to find out what was due or going on. Apparently I fake confidence pretty well, haha!

Farawyn · Dec 4, 2014

I agree with Red Kryptonite 100% with the chores. My comments to you are to leave "cook" and "maid" off your list. My kids were scraping their plates and putting them in the sink by age 3. They are boys, teens now, and pretty self sufficient. Letting them do chores or even cooking is a great way to make THEM independent but also gives you a break. The more they do of the busy work, the less you have to.

One thing I have to bring up. You said you were awkward? How?

I did notice you mentioned your grades etc. right of the bat, but then also mentioned the insecurity...also that your classmates only come to you when they want info. It does sound insecure, maybe that's being conveyed and putting people off? It is hard to go from a big fish in a little pond to just one of the school. Maybe you don't want that to bug you, but it does, anyway. That's okay! Just think about WHY this may be happening on your end. If it's truly nothing, put your head down and do YOUR work. It will come, I promise. You make the best friends "in the trenches"- when you and another student weather through something together.

Best of luck! We have ALL been there.