Advice needed about co-worker issue=LONG

[Nightcrawler, BSN, RN]

I just need a little advice about a co-worker who has become hyper sensitive in the past few months, and who I feel is getting out of control.

There is a nurse on my unit who, after her hysterectomy last fall has become hypersensitive or critical to any teasing or joking. Now before you all jump on me, I am not attributing the change to the surgery, she is. The first instance involved some light-hearted ribbing from the relief charge after a repeated minor error occured on the floor, requiring the charges assistance in correcting. The charge nurse said, in a very joking tone "Again! Now, now _____, if this keeps up I will just have to send you home." There was some general ribbing, and I do see how she could have taken it wrong. I heard later that she was upset that I giggled. I felt bad, so I was very careful to catch her alone and to the side to apologize to her for having hurt her feelings. Her response was to loudly and publicly lecture me in front of the entire oncoming shift how inappropriate the situation had been, and how she has become sooooo much more sensitive since the surgery. This embarrassed ME as it was meant to put me in my place, but I just sucked it up and let it go, being very careful not to joke around her.

Flash forward a couple of months to a night when she is relief charge. A new grad accidentally called her by the name of another nurse on the floor, and she proceeded to tease her mercilessly, going as far as to joke later in the night that she wouldn't help the new grad with a patient because the poor girl didn't know her name!!! My jaw nearly hit the floor, but I didn't say anything because I was afraid to offend her again. She also uses her religious convictions to make disparaging remarks about patients and co-workers behind their backs, saying that she pities them for how they live their lives.

Now you might think that she has adjusted better since the surgery, but within the last couple of weeks she turned in a complaint to Human Resources about a nurse that said something that she thought was inappropriate and that hurt her feelings, earning this nurse who was the relief charge during the first instance that I mentioned a counseling session with the unit director.

I would love to complain about HER behavior, but anything that is turned in now will just be seen as retribution from the floor for her actions. Worst of all I feel as though she is holding the floor hostage with her 'sensitivity' while not holding herself to the same standard. Because I was a part of a past 'incident' although peripherally, I feel that I may be a future target.

Sorry about the rant, now I throw it out to all of you wise souls; how would you deal with this situation.

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Wow... sounds like permanent PMS! Seriously, could she be going through menopause? I think you have handled the situation admirably so far. Do you feel that you know her well enough to approach her with the problem? Maybe she will jump at the chance to talk about it, and perhaps she doesn't realize just how extensive her behavior is. If not, then I would go to your supervisor and explain the whole situation, including the fact that you are worried it might seem like retribution. Perhaps a few of you could meet with the supervisor. That way at least this nurse's complaints may be taken with a grain of salt. Sounds like SHE needs counseling to me.

[CIRQL8]

If she had a BSO, then she IS going through menopause!

Anyway - Around her, what I would do is: Be only professional, only business. No personal, no jokes. 24/7. That's all. Maybe (maybe not) she will miss the 'personal touch' that the others at work are experiencing and change her tune.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Would this be excusable if she still had her uterus? Doubt it. So her excuse isn't washing.

And it sounds like a big case of her dishing out applesauce that she's not willing to take a bite of herself.

I'd only speak to her when i had to, and probably chat to the supervisor about what has happened.

[Nightcrawler, BSN, RN]

Thanks for the responses. I try to work with her as infrequently as possible. And yes, menopause is in full swing as she elected for no hormone replacement. I would feel more sympathetic for her if she wasn't participating in the department humorous give and take herself. It seems to be okay for her to laugh and joke and tease, but let anyone else crack a joke and she heads straight for Human Resources.

Thank you for the responses. Keep them coming......

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Or even better, threaten to go to Human Resources when she does start picking on you. If she asks why, say "Well, thought that's what we had to do when someone gets a sense of humor. We have to put a stop to it."

[Nightcrawler, BSN, RN]

Or even better, threaten to go to Human Resources when she does start picking on you. If she asks why, say "Well, thought that's what we had to do when someone gets a sense of humor. We have to put a stop to it."

How funny!!!!

[sanctuary, BSN, MSN, RN]

:chuckle :chuckle :yeahthat:

[GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN]

I would avoid her as much as possible. Only discuss work related things with her, that HAD to be discussed, with HER. If I had questions, I would look for someone else to ask first. I would NEVER joke with her, but I would let her see me joking with others. If she joked with me, I would keep a poker face and suddenly become busy. Maybe others would follow suit, and she would relize she needs to lighten up. If you're gonna give it, ya gotta take it.

[prmenrs, RN]

Been there, done that. I didn't yell @ anybody, and, fortunately, was not in a position of authority. BUT. I was really cranky and sad and moody--until I went to a gyn endocrinologist and got the hormone thing regulated.

Menopause is not fatal (a decision I reached on my own), but it sure can be miserable to the owner and friends. Your co-worker is suffering, believe me!! About all I can suggest is that you document a few of these incidents, go to her superior and say, "Look. I know she's going thru a rough patch, but it's affecting all of us. Is there any way you (the boss's boss) can suggest she get some medical help?".

Meanwhile, just try to be as pleasant as possible to her. If she jumps on you for something, say, (calmly, if possible) "You know--the way you told me that hurt!"

I feel badly for your whole team, including your co-worker. I hope things get better.