Admission Letter

[jessikhamarie]

Hello,

I'm writing my admission letter and need some feedback before submitting it. This is my rough draft. I can handle criticism so please be honest. The questions are;

• Your understanding of the role of a nurse in today's health care environment and how you envision yourself embodying those roles
  
• Your interest in this particular nursing program at Michigan State University
  
• Your characteristics, experiences, abilities and plan that will enhance your ability to succeed in this program
  

Nurse's today play an interdependent role, working alongside many other healthcare workers and their patients. The nurses' role is to provide constant care throughout the patients stay, coordinating care from healthcare providers and helping the patient with the transitioning from the hospital to their home setting, while showing compassion and maintaining their patience. To better understand what a nurse deals with on a day-to-day basis, I volunteered at my local hospital in the hospice unit, where I got the chance to learn the skills and knowledge to know how to address individuals facing an end of life issues, and how proper palliative care is administered, in addition, learning how to correctly approach mortality. I admire Michigan State University Nursing program, as many graduates become leaders in the healthcare setting. The faculty shows passion and understanding to their students with many programs to help students transition to the nursing program. I believe that MSU rigorous nursing program will help prepare me for the NCLEX-RN exam. The nursing program will be a challenge and an adventure for me, but I plan to be successful in the nursing program by staying organized, being prepared, joining a study group, communicating with my fellow peers, and balancing my social and work life. Although, balancing multiple classes, work and family life has been difficult I've managed to show perseverance and a strong performance in my classes. I have accomplished many of my goals thus far in my life and I am determined and dedicated to doing what it takes to accomplish my dream goal of becoming a registered nurse. By applying my prior knowledge and skills I have learned throughout my healthcare experience would help guide me through the nursing program and becoming successful. With my experience and knowledge, I believe that I can make an impact on society and my fellow peers in the nursing program due to my strong work ethic, communication skills and my drive to succeed can influence and motivate those around me. I feel that I was given a gift that most people don't have. I`m hoping that I will be given the opportunity to contribute to my community and to help change lives. I don't believe there is any other profession that would bring me as much joy and happiness than becoming a nurse.

[idkmybffjill]

First off, I'd break this thing up into paragraphs. It's super difficult to read one big block of text, and you don't want to make it more difficult for the people at MSU to get through it (or even people here, as they will be less likely to read it and offer crit).

Second, I think you need to think a bit more about the first question and delve deeper. Yes, nurses coordinate care, working with patients and other healthcare workers, and they physically care for the patients until discharge, but that's very surface level. That's just stating duties, and it says nothing about how you view the profession. What is the nurse's role in the healthcare system? What does their job mean to that system? How does it fit in? What does it give to patients and other workers within the same system? What do they DO beyond just their duties? For me, I see nurses as patient advocates and educators, providing that vital role of pushing for proper care and procedures as well as ensuring that patients are given the information they need to make the decisions that are best for them, not just what we think the patient /should/ do, or the information they need to continue with their life after a hospital stay. Nurses also work as the backbone of the system, a key piece that prevents a total breakdown of communication, and are vital for everything to run correctly. So think more about what nursing means as a role, not just what the duties are.

Also, your story of volunteering at a local hospital doesn't turn back around to show how you will embody the role of a nurse. What characteristics allow you to be uniquely qualified over someone else who also volunteered at the hospital and observed palliative care? What is it about YOU that embodies the role?

Otherwise, I'd say maybe include at least a small something about how you will be contributing to the MSU nursing program to show that they would be getting something out of you attending. I mean something like, "I desire to be in a program like MSU's that truly cares for its students as much as its students care for the program, and I look forward to being able to join the nursing association and show that by becoming active its service projects and activities." (I have no idea if MSU has a nursing association, so that's entirely an example.) Also, the last bit feels a little all over the place in that each sentence is entirely separate from the previous one. You could rearrange the order completely, and it would read the same. Instead, you want your sentences to flow into one another.

Finally, make sure you proofread. There were some sentence fragments and some typos/errors that looked like it occurred when you were editing the sentence.

[kaylee.]

Just curious what you meant at the end when you said you were given a gift that many people dont possess?

Without clarification that statement is a little off-putting, and when taken at face value, adds absolutely nothing to your credibility. It even takes away credibility because its so easy to say but difficult to prove.

Up until that last part, which i would consider deleating, it was a pretty good read.