About those really "hateful, crotchety" patients...

mother/babyRN, RN · Jun 24, 2004

Your patients will not ever forget you....Go with you heart.. You sound like an amazing nurse and wonderful person...Patients are fortunate to have you in their corner and in their hearts...{{{}}}

ktwlpn, LPN · Jun 24, 2004

Ever have any of these?
The kind who truly think their face will crumble if they crack a smile?
Well, we have one. Just ONE, mind you... the only one we've ever had, and she's relatively new.. about eight months or so. In her early seventies.
I'll tell you, this woman LIVES to be miserable.. it's her life's mission. It looks like her frown is literally CARVED into her face.
Sooooooooooo... I have made it MY mission and daily challenge to bring a smile to this little lady's face, no matter HOW much it hurts her !!!
Yep, I do my darndest to make her smile.. (and shhhhhhh... don't let this get out... but possibly even to make her LAUGH !) :uhoh21: ... once a day.
Yes.. in spite of herself, and out of pure spiteful enjoyment on my part. :chuckle
Heh... so today she comes in, all grumbly and frowning as usual.. it's raining, and she despises the rain.. (but then she seems to despise just about ANYthing)... so I promptly ask her (in my most stern voice and serious expression) just who gave her permission to order all this rain? And that we sure would like to see a speck of sun at least ONCE in a great while!!!
Well, she was taken aback by that, and really looked at me kinda funny.. then before she knew it, she laughed !!! Just as quickly, she realized she was laughing, and stopped. :rotfl:
Later , as she was waiting on the wheelchair van to pick her up, it really started coming down... and I mean in SHEETS ! I saw her angrily glance out the window at the pouring rain, and said... " * her name* , now aren't you glad you didn't come in here on your motorcycle today?"
Well, she must have thought I had totally lost it... she was stunned, and once again, before she knew it, that sheepish grin crept across her face, threatening to steal her gloom... and then it happed.. AGAIN !!! For the second time in one day, this woman LAUGHED !!! Just as soon as she did, however, she caught herself, frowned, looked down and put on her grumpiest face and said in her TRULY thick, country accent " I ain't NEVER rode no motorcycle.. "
heh heh heh
Wow.. what a rewarding day it was, indeed ! My efforts paid off. That was a first.. two laughs in one day !
So, to reward HER for her generosity, I made a point to accompany her out to the WC Van, holding an umbrella over her head. Secretly, she was tickled by this.. you could just "sense" it. Then as she was being hydraulically lifted up into the van, she looked at me, and said "what about you? Now you're getting all wet." (this little woman has never showed an ounce of concern for ANYone's wellbeing other than her OWN, mind you.)
I patted her hand with a big smile and replied.. "not too worry... I won't melt.. I'm not sweet enough."
And that time, she smiled.. a genuine, warm smile... the first I've ever seen from her.. it was even in her eyes.
Life is good. :)

Great job! I'm with you-it's my life's mission to get those people to lighten up...I took care of an old Parkinson's gal-very independent and stubborn.One day I took her to the bathroom and she b*tched and moaned through the entire trip-the toilet seat was too high,too hard,too big-the paper was too hard-I used too much,etc...She asked me for a drink of "ice cold water" afterwards...As she took a sip I asked 'Sugar-Is it wet enough for you?" It was SO HARD for her to try not to laugh....but she gave in and let it out....That become a running gag with us until she died .She would say " I want a drink of water and make sure it's cold and wet" What a stinker....I am working on another one now-I helped pass lunch trays one day-I asked her if I could butter her bread for her...Then I said " OK -which side do you want it on? Right or left? Top or Bottom? That did it...We both cracked up.I will practically stand on my head to get a rise out of some of these folks..I love to laugh with them....It's healthy-brings the b/p down....

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Jun 24, 2004

I count so many of my lessons in nursing from those patients. For instance, as a new grad I worked with an elderly gentleman who the term crotchedly was made for...As we were going on the elevator for his discharge, I was happily chattering his discharge teaching to him when he took my hand, smiled a rare smile and softly said, little one, you are a wonderful person and a special nurse, but sometimes you can't fix things and sometimes patients are just not going to do the things they should...It struck me that all the teaching I had done had been for me because he was a known uncompliant diabetic and my idealism was not going to change that. From him I learned that you can't save everyone and as he eloquently told me in his own way, you have to let some people be and just hope for the best....After that, he took my chin in his arthritic hands, gave me an eskimo kiss, thanked me, got into the car and went out of my life..I remember him because of that and the lessons he taught...We can only do what we can do...Life does the rest....

Shew... this gave me goosebumps... still prickling up and down my arms.

Wow... and so very, very true. Thanx for sharing that.

And ktwlpn... yes, I can see you being that way ! :chuckle Good for you !!!

missmercy · Jun 25, 2004

You just about made me cry! My grandmother had altzheimers and lived in a nursing home. Before she was ill, she was an outgoing, pleasant, wonderful woman who would do anything for anybody, smile constantly and always find a way to make whatever was wrong a bit better. When she was in end stages of her life -- she became one of those nasty, mean, unlovable ladies -- pinched, bit, slapped... the whole nine yards. I always wished that the nurses could get a glimps of who she used to be -- to look past the illness and it's results and really SEE her. Your story reminded me of the nurse who I overheard talking softly to Grandma before I came in her room. She was saying, "margaret, i know that somewhere inside of you there is a wonderful lady... a lady who would be absolutely mortified to behave like you do sometimes -- I want you to know that I understand that YOU are not pinching and biting, it is someone else, someone who is ill -- I am going to find that good person Margaret -- I will always look for her in you -- I know she is there!" Granted, Grandma's behavior didn't change much and she died shortly after that, but to have a nurse, who ( like you) saw past the difficult crusty person and found a way to reach the real person inside -- it meant sooooo much!!

Great job!! Keep up the great work!

Gromit · Jun 26, 2004

Jnette, shucks! You actually managed to bring a tear to this old bikers eye. :)

I always try to make my patients laugh -I'm an odd cookie, and I play on that (grin. I tell the ones that laugh, I'm just an out-of-work comedian!)

I just got off shift, and will be "off" for about 4 days. These last two shifts, I had a patient who went in to have a whipple, and found out he had pancreatic cancer, metzed to the liver (and they believe elsewhere). In a nutshell, hes' terminal. Hes busily working through the "Anger" phase. I've been feeling pretty bad for this guy (cancer took two of my family while I was in nursing school, so it kind of gets a little personal). This isn't a candidate to joke with, and I've been trying to be as helpful and available as much as humanly possible for the guy. He has to work through this stage himself. Hopefully he has decent family support.

But its kind of gotten me down a bit, and I'm greatful to be off shift for the next several days -the odds are good he will be off of the Step-down unit by then -and I feel a little guilty for even thinking that way.

Your story, well, it did me a lot of good.

Thanks for sharing it.

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Jun 26, 2004

Great story, Jnette- I really enjoyed it a lot.

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Jun 26, 2004

Jnette, shucks! You actually managed to bring a tear to this old bikers eye. :)
I always try to make my patients laugh -I'm an odd cookie, and I play on that (grin. I tell the ones that laugh, I'm just an out-of-work comedian!)
I just got off shift, and will be "off" for about 4 days. These last two shifts, I had a patient who went in to have a whipple, and found out he had pancreatic cancer, metzed to the liver (and they believe elsewhere). In a nutshell, hes' terminal. Hes busily working through the "Anger" phase. I've been feeling pretty bad for this guy (cancer took two of my family while I was in nursing school, so it kind of gets a little personal). This isn't a candidate to joke with, and I've been trying to be as helpful and available as much as humanly possible for the guy. He has to work through this stage himself. Hopefully he has decent family support.
But its kind of gotten me down a bit, and I'm greatful to be off shift for the next several days -the odds are good he will be off of the Step-down unit by then -and I feel a little guilty for even thinking that way.
Your story, well, it did me a lot of good.
Thanks for sharing it.

So sorry to hear of your patient, Gromit. Tough all the way around.. believe me, I know.

And all we can do is attempt to make what time they have the very best possible. Be it a smile, a laugh, a hand to pat or hold... or even to allow a tear to roll down our own cheek... yes, even in their presence.

P.S. Like your avi.. hope to have my bike avi up there soon as well. Whooot !

leslie :-D · Jun 26, 2004

it is usually the crotchety patients that have the most soulful eyes.

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Jun 26, 2004

it is usually the crotchety patients that have the most soulful eyes.

aah, the eyes do tell it all, don't they?

I've always maintained a person isn't smiling unless their eyes are.