About to Graduate, Having a Hard Time and Want to Give Up

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Specializes in Hospice.

I graduate from my RN bridge program in December. I've started precepting and have 40 hours left. Give or take. I don't know anyone at all where I live. I'm alone and I've struggled but I'm making it. The past few years have been a little hard because I don't have family support and I've not made the best decisions which has put me in some pretty impossible situations.

I'm having a hard time finding steady work as an LPN but thankfully have found an agency that has really steady work and I get at least 1 shift every week. Usually more. So I'm trying to work and go to school in the middle of lots of other really terrible things. I'm honestly not someone that anyone would ever believe was capable of becoming an RN. Not from the situation I've come out of. In any case, I keep going because no one's life is easy. It's not supposed to be easy, just worth it.

But I've come to the end of myself. They say that the last semester is when student nurses get to feeling like they're ready to quit. And I'm no exception. But Ireally just want to give up and walk away. Many of the people in my class are precepting at their own jobs. They can come and go as they please. Or their preceptors at whatever facility they're at just don't care as long as they show up and it can be documented. My preceptor has made it clear that she expects me there at the beginning of her shift and to stay until the very end. Absolutely understandable. Unfortunately I recently had a room mate who robbed me blind. I've had to struggle to make up for the rent she took and the utilities she ran up before she left. Needless to say, I'm worn out. My preceptor has made it very clear that when I'm not there when she expects me that she has to do the work and she doesn't appreciate it. She said this almost verbatim. I don't have any issues w/being late for work at all. But after going to school and trying to study and going to work, I'm done. She frequently disappears for long periods of time and lets me know that she's happy that I'm there to take up some of the slack for her. Honestly, she can do whatever she wants and I have to suck it up and get through it. Which is my personal philosophy on dealing w/this sort of thing in life normally. But I th ink I've reached my breaking point.

I woke up late again this morning. Instead of calling my preceptor, I e-mailed the instructor I answer to and I was very honest. I told her that I just was not capable of meeting the standards that my preceptor has set. I explained that I simply cannot show up an hour late and listen to this woman tell me that it's my fault that her work hasn't been done and that I've ruined her day. I apologized to my instructor and asked her if she could put me elsewhere, or what needed to be done in order for me to complete the requirements of my program. Otherwise, we would need to discuss my withdraw from school as I've reached my wits end.

My teacher actually came out to my preceptor facility and talked to both me and my preceptor. My preceptor explained that she expected me there to do the AM charge nurse assessments and that she had to do them since I was late and she can't do her job like that. She said that precepting is very intensive and if I'm not there on time it messes up her daily plans. What she didn't say is that HALF THE TIME SHE'S OUTSIDE SMOKING FOR A HALF HOUR OR MORE. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE'S TAKEN ME WITH HER WHEN SHE GOES AND NO ONE CAN EVER FIND HER. Her boss actually jumped on me for doing Q15 minute observations (it's a pscyh facility) because as a student I'mm not allowed to do anything w/out the RN right next to me and she no longer wanted me assuming tasks on my own as my preceptor had informed me to do. And again, all of this is moot. It's not supposed to be easy or fair. But I've had enough.

I'm watching other students precept w/nurses they've been friends with for years. Or at facilities they already work at. My preceptor's schedule is so ridiculous it's hell getting my hours in and I've had to not work to be able to make it to complete my hours because of this. I can't go in for just half a shift. She wants me there the entire time or to not come at all. I just don't know what to do and I'm so frustrated I can't see straight. This morning when I woke up late, my heart just broke into a million pieces. I realized that I'm not able to do this and I'm ready to give up and walk away. I don't want special treatment at all. I just resent the hell out of the fact that I look incapable and like a huge train wreck because my preceptor isn't my friend or co-worker. And my preceptor happens to be someone with the worst attitude ever. I'm not in a place where I can be strong enough to get through it and that I would lose it all over this is killing me. Any advice as to how to proceed would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. You guys have gotten me through this since before I was an LPN and I couldn't have kept going if it wasn't for the encouragement i've gotten from coming here over the years.:redbeathe

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I say DON'T GIVE UP

You came a looooooooong way, you are such a strong woman for getting through nursing school even thou you have so many barriers. You should stand loud and proud that you are doing it on your own.. This proves you don't need anyone in your life to accomplish things. Trust me .. No one needs anyone either. You are cabaple of being an RN and so much more.

If you give up now you WILL regret it later. Do what ever it takes to graduate and pass the NCLEX. What ever it takes. Find that motivation to not give up. Once you have your RN you can decide what path to take. You are so close to the prize. When your graduation comes and you pass the aisle with your white uniform you will be so proud of your self. You will be a new and better YOU.

It is not about becoming an RN either; it is about accomplishing goals that you start. Even if you have doubts, you should finish what you started because it says a lot about your character. Daughtersofzion doesn't give up, she works hards, commits and accomplishes. Remember it's about your self confidence so keep pushing yourself.

Forget about your preceptor, she puts that pressure on students so she can help weed out the weak links. You are NOT a weak link. Yes it's unfair, life is unfair but you are lucky to have the opportunity. Prove to her and your professor, the students in your class and your co workers but most importantly to yourself that you CAN DO IT!

Watch this motto video and maybe it will fill some inner strength. It's about achieving success.

Listen closely to the message. I hope you like it.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Emergency Medicine, Flight.

:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah: DONT GIVE UPPP!!!!

you've worked so hard and the light is finally at the end of the tunnel. you can do it... be strong :)

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Specializes in LTC.

Don't give up. I'm also a LPN and I graduate in RN school in December. I never thought it would be possible. I too work and go to school so I know its not easy. We are almost there !!!

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Don't give up! Your situation is stressful and you are feeling it. Seek some help in terms of stress management and anxiety management. See your school's mental health services. Your problems will only compound if you drop out now.

That being said, yes you ARE asking for special treatment. Going in late is not acceptable in ANY profession and the point of transition is for you to become the nurse, not the student anymore. Being on time is important. How else are you going to get accurate report on your patients? Working half a shift? Part of the purpose is to get you used to working 12 hour shifts. I am frankly confused why you would expect these requirements to be waived due to your personal life. And what everyone else is doing has ZERO relevance to you and your life. If you get stuck in the childish thinking of "fair and unfair" you will be unhappy every day for the rest of your life. Nobody gets equal footing. You are making your own difficulties in this thought process and in not maintaining professional standards. If you are late or leave early in my program you fail.

We are assigned preceptor sites and preceptors in my school, so nobody I know gets to pick a preceptor. It sounds like yours has issues (ie: leaving you unsupervised, taking extended smoke breaks) that you need to address and get assigned to someone who is invested in teaching you. But that person is also likely to require basic professionalism, such as showing up on time and working a full shift. Waking up on time is a basic of life. Everyone has to do it or they don't get to be employed. Waking up late doesn't just happen. Especially not more than once.

Hardships happen. You are better than the complications that are going on right now. Your screen name tells me you are a person of Faith - There must be a very important purpose in you becoming a nurse or there would not be so many obstacles being put in front of you - some of which are internal. Gird your loins for battle and take this on. Wake up on time. Show up. Do everything you need to do. Cry on the way home if you must. Pray. Pray all through the day if it helps! Ask for strength. Ask for tolerance. Ask for solutions. Ask as if it is a given these things will present themselves. Praise Him in this storm. Work as much as your schedule reasonably allows. Sleep. Eat well. And wake up (on time) and do it all again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And then walk across that stage with your head held high, knowing YOU. DID. IT. Even when you didn't want to anymore, even when it was harder than hard. You will come to know your inner strength. A gift to your future self. Your situation will only worsen if you drop out, with the added sense of failure on top of everything else you are feeling now and an internal loss of purpose that will be truly tragic. And that is the LAST thing you need or that God intends for you. The only way to the other side is through. You can keep the hard life you have now. Or you can get through this and become who you are intended to be. You can do this. You really really can.

Hang in there.

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Have you received any word from the instructor/nurse in charge of everything (the one you emailed)? I think you should wait to see what her response is, to see if you can change clinicals and finish out the very little time you have left! You have come sooo soo so far and it would be a shame to have you leave because of one ridiculously incompetent nurse! Getting a different clinical site can be the answer to it all.. or it could be a sign that your heart isnt in it. But it seems that you need a change of environment, far far away from this lady. Let us know how it turns out and good luck!

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Specializes in Hospice.

I sincerely appreciate all of y'all's responses to me. It felt good to read them after a long day today!

As for special treatment, no way am I asking for that. After staying up all night studying, when my agency calls with 4 hours notice to go work a 12 hour shift at a men's medium security correctional facility, you better believe I'm there, early, with bells on. And I've gotten TONS of compliments for my work ethic while I'm there or where ever else they send me.

My issue isn't that I'm being asked to be professional. It's that I'm the ONLY ONE who's being asked to be professional. I don't want to be singled out for being unprofessional when the status quo is such that none of us are. I'm just the only one that doesn't know anyone in this town so I don't have a a preceptor who also happens to be my friend when I decide I just dont' feel like showing up today. Which I NEVER DO.

I'm an uninsured diabetic. I now have a massive staph infection IN MY FACE. I'm on 2 different antibiotics for the next 2 months that between the two of them, are making me look like I'm dying of influenza they make me so sick. I am working crazy hours trying to pay to go to the doctor, and to keep from being evicted after my room mate stole every penny I had. I've gotten to the point that I come home from work, get ready for school and sit on the couch and wait until it's time to go to my preceptor sight because I have to be there at 7 and it's 2 a.m. and I'd rather stay up all night than be late and get kicked out of school. I end up falling asleep and sleeping through the alarm. And I'm late. And not 1 soul knows any of this. I never EVER make excuses or tell anyone my issues. Nobody else's problem but mine. I just apologize and kill myself trying to make sure it never happens again.

The day that I wrote this post I e-mailed the director of my program and told her nothing of my personal situation, just that I wasn't capable of meeting the standards my preceptor requires and that I needed to withdraw from the program because I couldn't maintain my end of the agreement. She called me and asked me to come see her, and I did. And she told me that her opinion of my preceptor wasn't any of my business. But that she wouldn't be used by the school any more. I don't want anyone to know anything about my personal life whatsoever. I don't want help I don't want anything I just want to be left alone to do what I need to do, whatever that's supposed to be. I honestly don't know anymore.

She gave me a new preceptor that abides by the program standards that no one has ever had an issue with. Thus far I haven't been late once. My problem was that my former preceptor made a new schedule that wansn't the one my school gave her. And she told me I had to abide by it or she was going to report me to my instructor for inability to follow my schedule . My new preceptor isn't doing that. Whatever I'm told to do, no matter how crappy it is, is just going to get done and that's it. Life isn't supposed to be fair, just worth it in the end. I accept that. But everyone has a breaking point. And for me to open my mouth at all, even anonymously, means that I've met and exceeded mine. I don't come here too often anymore. But when I do, someone always shows up and says exactly what I need to hear whether I want to hear it or not.

And y'all have done that for me. I desperately miss my children. My faith has been dead for awhile now. I know no one in the place where I live. Or anywhere really. And I have no idea how I'm doing this because my own strength has come and gone. So that total strangers would care this much about me means that much more. Thank you.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Hang in there. I recently had a staph infection of the bridge of my nose...very scary, very painful and very ugly :laugh: Be sure you are eating before you take your antibiotic. It will help with the flu-like symptoms it gives you.

You are going to be SO proud of yourself when you finish this. You really, really are going to look back at this as a defining time in your life. You never know how strong you are until you have no choice but to be. You can look this thing in the face and know there is not much on this earth that can ever get you....because no matter what it is, you can handle it. What a great peace that will give you in the coming years, once this crisis has passed. :hug:

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There must be a very important purpose in you becoming a nurse or there would not be so many obstacles being put in front of you -- Hi There! I was really touched with what you said. All these time, I was thinking that Im probably not meant to be a nurse because of the many obstacles that seem to be on the way of me becoming a nurse. I am thinking, if I am meant to be a nurse --shouldnt things be easier? like how it is when things are meant to happen.

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