A question for moms...

Laura77598 · Jun 21, 2006

Are you kiddin'?

I was soooo ready to get back into doing something justfor me after I spent 8 yrs as a SAHM! How old are your boys? Are they in school? I understand you not wanting to leave them, but a little time away from your kids will make you a better parent. You won't burn out on your kids if you invest a little in yourself. Besides, they won't be kids forever, and you have to show them that adults sometimes do things that are hard. You will be amazed at how they might perceive your decision.

I have 2 daughters, so boys mightbe a little more self-centered, but my girls tell me all the time how proud they are of me! My oldest is 9 yrs and my baby is almost 6yrs. Time flies!! Really, don't beat yourself up! This is actually a better decision in the long run. Woould you rather have your sons think that mom is there only for their personal needs and has no life other than waiting on them hand and foot? I'm not saying that SAHMs ar any less than working moms, I myself am a SAHM, but I don't want to never try anything on my own just because it might upset or inconvenience my kids. (heaven forbid! You mean the world DOESN'T revolve only around me??)

You also don't want to go through your life wondering: What if I took this chance and it paid off? You kids will adapt. Don't worry.

Laura

ladybugsea · Jun 21, 2006

I have a two year old, and I can understand what you're worried about. I work outside the home 3 days a week and I'll be starting the evening nursing program in September, which is 4-5 nights a week. I'm scared!! If I could quit my job and do school at night, I would be so happy. To me that would be a great balance; being with my daughter almost all of her waking hours, yet doing something for myself (and for our family in the long run) at night. You will figure it out!

RDH-NrsgStudent · Jun 22, 2006

I am married and have two boys (ages 6 and 9). As long as your husband is very supportive, your kids will follow suit. My boys and hubby are my biggest cheerleaders. It's also important that your husband understands that he will have to help with housework and taking care of the kids, or you'll never get any studying done!

Kids adapt SO easily, and you'll come to find that school is actually a nice break from them sometimes (a "you" time, if you will). You'll be a great example for them to witness....that if you commit to a dream or goal and work hard for it, anything's possible!

Gr8ful C · Jun 22, 2006

Going back to school is difficult and I totally relate to what you are saying. Whether it's better to be home while they're little and be broke or be gone part of the time and have a more comfortable life is a debate I've had with myself for years! Fortunately, I have a husband who supports me either way - even though I know he'd rather have the money! LOL I don't think men feel the tug like we do sometimes.

When my own kids were 1 and 3 years old I went back to school full time and did my nursing prerequisites. I did very well the 1st semester, but by the winter I was burned out for many reasons, mostly due to my husbands health issues at the time. I decided to stay home then and when our third child was born I started doing daycare from home and my husband went back to school (IT diploma). The daycare money has been ok and I am here with my kids, but it's time for me to move on! My youngest is starting school (will be 1st grade by Sep/07 when I want to start) and my older ones are teenagers so I feel I've been here enough and I'm ready for something different.

I've often wondered what life would be like if I'd stayed in school 11 years ago and becaome a nurse. We would definitely have more money but I have grown up a lot in the years since (I got married and had kids young) and I know I have more confidence and life experience to bring to it.

You and your family are unique and what I have done or what another is doing may not be right for you. I don't believe that there is one right way. Whatever you decide will work if you make it work and you children will be fine either way.

A word about putting children in child care: Many parents feel guilty about putting their children in daycare, but the only kids that get stressed are the ones who pick up negative cues from their parents! I have seen very many children thrive in a loving daycare environment. If you feel guilty, maybe you need to look at what kind of social conditioning you have experienced vs. what you really feel is best for yourself and your family.

Sorry so long. This is one of the few posts on this forum where I have experience to share! LOL

Best of luck to you

C

marinemommy · Jun 22, 2006

I guess it depends on your perspective.

I have 3 boys (6, 3, and almost 2) and up until this February, I was a working mom. Since my boys were in daycare, I learned to make the absolute best of my time together with them and they haven't suffered a bit. We have a tremendous relationship and I think that it is the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity. Just my opinion though.

I don't feel guilty about going to school. Yes, I am going to miss them but I know that my career will allow us to buy a house, live nice, put them through college, take actual vacations instead of staying home all summer because we can't afford it.... etc. Considering the short period of time you're in school, it is worth it.

Plus, my kids love their daycare. If you find the right place, it can be an extremely positive experience. They all have great little friends, teachers that they love and are extremely adaptable to whatever is thrown at them.

Good luck, you CAN do it!

Kristin

Homiebear · Jun 22, 2006

I will be having my first baby in more or less 10 weeks. I am planning to go back to school in January Spring 2007 semester and finish my pre-clinical class. I know its pretty hard to part with you beloved children, but it's better for long run. being able to provide good healthy environment for your kids is also our job as parent. you can move to a better neighborhood with the extra income you are getting after you finished school. also you might able to send you kids to private schooling, which is also a positive thing to do for you kids. And your kids will appreciate what you do for them and will be very very proud of having you as their mom. Goodluck and stay strong.

sdmommie · Jun 22, 2006

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I certainly don't remember what my Mom was doing before I was in the 3rd grade. I think if the kids taken care of (emotionally and physically), they will feel loved. It'll all be worth it in the long run.

stpauligirl · Jun 22, 2006

I am 29, married, and the mother of two young sons (ages 3 and 1). For a year and a half, I have been a SAHM. I have really enjoyed staying home, but we really need more income because we are just "getting by". Also, I want to have a degree that gives me marketable skills for the future when my sons are older. I have a journalism degree, but it is so difficult to find anything fulfilling that pays anything!
Anyway, my question is -- I am starting school this fall, and though I am very excited, I am starting to feel guilty for taking time away from my little boys to do this ... My husband says to think of it in terms of "I am doing this FOR them, to provide more for them in life." I know this is true, but I don't want them to think Mommy is all of a sudden "gone" all the time. I know nursing school is going to take away a lot of the time I am used to spending with them. I guess I just need some encouragement from other moms who are in nursing school ... How should I cope with this guilt? I know my future nursing salary will benefit my children greatly. Is this what you focus on when you miss your children or feel "guilty"? I need to come to terms with all of this soon, before I start school ... otherwise I am afraid I will be unfocused at school because of worrying that I am "abandoning" my sons. Any advice?
Thanks,
Alli

As long as you have good quality childcare and your husband's help and support things will be just fine. I am also one of those moms that feel guilt and I was very attached to my 2 infants. My youngest is now 8. We as women need to do whatever makes us happy....if mom ain't happy nobody is happy :lol2: Go after your dream....do whatever makes you happy, your husband is right...it will benefit all in the long run.

Good luck!

amybethf · Jun 22, 2006

I am 29, married, and the mother of two young sons (ages 3 and 1). For a year and a half, I have been a SAHM. I have really enjoyed staying home, but we really need more income because we are just "getting by". Also, I want to have a degree that gives me marketable skills for the future when my sons are older. I have a journalism degree, but it is so difficult to find anything fulfilling that pays anything!
Anyway, my question is -- I am starting school this fall, and though I am very excited, I am starting to feel guilty for taking time away from my little boys to do this ... My husband says to think of it in terms of "I am doing this FOR them, to provide more for them in life." I know this is true, but I don't want them to think Mommy is all of a sudden "gone" all the time. I know nursing school is going to take away a lot of the time I am used to spending with them. I guess I just need some encouragement from other moms who are in nursing school ... How should I cope with this guilt? I know my future nursing salary will benefit my children greatly. Is this what you focus on when you miss your children or feel "guilty"? I need to come to terms with all of this soon, before I start school ... otherwise I am afraid I will be unfocused at school because of worrying that I am "abandoning" my sons. Any advice?
Thanks,
Alli

I am a SAHM of 2 (5 and 16mo) and I start in Fall 07 and I too have the guilt trip but it's like i know I have do this for me, my husband and kids and for the future. This living on 1 income really stinks. What I would do to just to take a vacation! So I think if you look at it as you are doing this for them and most importantly to have a career you can be proud of and love, that at the end of the day you will just cherish your kids that much more.

Hopoe this helps!

ARNISARN · Jun 22, 2006

I agree with marinemommy. It's all about how define spending time with your kids. In todays world lots of mom work out of need and wanting to care for self. (men don't come with a guarantee). In our society women are taught that they are less of a parent if they work outside the home. I want my kids to love me and their father unconditionally. They do not feel he is less of a father becasue he goes out to work. I want to get the same happy face and hugs when I walk through the door. I have done both I did the stay at home thing first. I really did not feel that I was an active contributor to the home. Once I started working my self esteem just sored and my husband says he could tell a big difference in me. Go with your heart and don't feel guilty with the choice you make.

HARRN2b · Jun 22, 2006

Here is the payoff. I had my kids, stayed home while they were very small. My youngest is 7, oldest is 11. They LOVE the fact that I go to school. It is so funny. My chem prof has not posted our test scores to the internet yet. My son keeps asking if we can check to see what kind of grade mom got. And boy, if I get below an A, you can imagine what it is like. My 8 year old came into the bedroom the other night when I was studying and said he wanted to start his chemistry lesson!