A Hero-In-The-Making Learns about Grieving From Real Heroes

PrayeRNurse, ASN, RN

Shifting in my rocking chair sent my Med-Surg book to the floor. I send a silent prayer that my ten year old was still asleep. She was. Many times I have thought of placing a small desk in her room for nights that require me to sit up with her. I am afraid that I would lay my head down, dose off and miss something. I had studied all day then gave Beatrice her Methadone for her bone pain. It was her third day on this medication.

While she did not seem to have a decrease in pain she was not having any reactions. That is until her night dose when she reacted to it with swollen eyes and lips, chest pain, and itching.

Several phone conversations with her doctor had all of us assured that she was responding to her Benadryl and that if I stayed up with her we could avoid the ED. Armed with my school books and a pot of coffee I hoped to achieve a lot of learning tonight. What is ironic is that I am learning about end -of-life- pediatric care and here I am living end- of- life pediatric care.

Last year in the final weeks of LPN school my daughter was placed on Hospice Outreach. I struggled to maintain class and clinicals and her needs. I am a single mom with two special needs children. I am also driven to be a nurse.

I sought my LPN as a starting point towards my Masters in Nursing. After passing NCLEX-PN I realized that I would not be able to enter a traditional school to obtain my RN.

That is when I found Excelsior Collage.

I love it.

My text suggested that when children die parents should have a grieving process of two years. I look over at my little girl and wonder that someone could write that. A tear lands on my book.

I will grieve forever.

Period.

It will be healthy grief but I will grieve non- the- less. Anger tries to take hold of me. I stop reading and think about all the nurses who taught me in clinical, those that touched dirty ED patients, who listened to the elderly patient that was lonely, the nurse who rejoiced with the transplant patient and their family. She was also the nurse who asked me if I wanted to learn transplants from admission to transplant; and helped me gain permission to stay till midnight. I admitted the patient and followed to surgery and then to ICU!

She was an awesome nurse.

Nurses have taught me as they have cared for my daughter.

They took time to teach me, to comfort Beatrice, they encouraged her to be a kid.

They told me it was ok grieve (ok that is anticipatory grief) but it was also ok to have fun, it was ok for each of us to live today, to enjoy today. I have come to understand that there is book knowledge and then there is "real life" nursing.

I am grateful that I am learning so much and have such great text books to guide my learning. But I am most grateful to each and every nurse who has taught me in clinicals' and in all of the hospital stays and the doctor visits.

They have shown that for all the knowledge that is taught in nursing school, compassion and caring mixed with skills is true nursing.

That is when nurses are heroes.

I will be a hero~ but for tonight I thank each of my daughter's heroes. I am a Mother, a LPN, and a student, and I am a Hero-Want-To-Be learning every day from all the hero's who sign nurse behind their name.

To each nurse who has given more than skill care to my daughter "Thank You". I wish you would sign your name and RN, Hero after it. You earned it.

A Hero-In-The-Making Learns about Grieving From Real Heroes

About PrayeRNurse, ASN, RN

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