Let me start out by saying that I am a HUGE proponent of Hospice and the Hospice philosphy, and I am sure that my recent experience is FAR from the norm. But I still feel the need to share as both an education to others and as a way to deal.
Recently I have had a close family member die while in the in-patient services of Hospice. During that time she and the immediate family received the best of care. The husband of the woman (married for 45+ years- seemingly happilyy) is obviously going through a dysfunctional grief process (AEB recent events). The husband became very close to the nursing staff due to the length of stay (approx 60 days). After the wife's death, the husband had a very strong need to reach out to one nurse in particular for comfort.
Here's the cincher:
Within less than one after the death of the spouse, the Hospice nurse (single and 20 years younger than the new widower) gave this man her home phone number and agreed to meet with him for dinner and a movie on a weekend evening to "talk" (about two weeks after the spouse had passed). Hmmm, sounds like a "date" to me.
OBVIOUSLY this is a no-no. I have made the director aware of the situation and am hoping this RN receives some re-education and I plan to continue to go further if the RN continues in this behavior.
Also obviously this has caused family conflict at a time when family interpersonal relationships need to be at their most open.
So, what policies/in-services does your Hospice facility provide to the staff about boundaries and appropriate termination of the nurse-pt/family relationship and these types of situations?
It totally sucks that I have to deal with this now too, as it was totally unneccessary. What sucks even more is that I will never forget it, and it will always leave that sour taste in my mouth.
Just to update. I did talk to the director, who was mortified and agreed that this was inappropriate behavior. I did find out that this nurse was new to Hospice care (worked less than 6 months).
Next thing I know, I find out that she called the family member and told him that it would be better if they waited a year until they went out.
Phew! Hopefully this sounds like she got some much needed re-education.
I know that in hospitals, this may happen, but Hospice is different. The director told me that direct family members (i.e. spouses) are considered as much as the patient as the dying person is. So she assured me I wasn't over-reacting in being upset about this.
So sad. With Hospice, you anticipate the staff to help you grieve for your loved one in an appropriate manner, not aid you in dysfunctional behavior.
first off I am sorry too for your loss and the dilemma following - then again: do we really need MORE policies? are we not taking common sense out of daily life with more and more policies? and people who have no common sense not necessarily follow policy.... any chance the rest of the family sit down with this nurse and tell her you do not want her to continue this? or sit down with the widowed husband? people make their own choices and some are poor, no doubt; this close to the death of some one makes some people reach out the wrong way.... i am not excusing any ones behavior here, just forget the darn policies this is life (after some one died);
Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
And....policies aside, maybe the two of them have found something they need in each other? I agree with the previous poster that the logical thing is to talk to THEM!
first off I am sorry too for your loss and the dilemma following - then again: do we really need MORE policies? are we not taking common sense out of daily life with more and more policies? and people who have no common sense not necessarily follow policy.... any chance the rest of the family sit down with this nurse and tell her you do not want her to continue this? or sit down with the widowed husband? people make their own choices and some are poor, no doubt; this close to the death of some one makes some people reach out the wrong way.... i am not excusing any ones behavior here, just forget the darn policies this is life (after some one died);
I agree with Ginapixi. People are going to do what they want to do. But then again, during training, something should be mentioned about this. Not too sure if it would stop everyone, because some people look for love in all the wrong places. And this is sad. Sorry.
This is def a boundary violation, even if the facility is lackluster in their policies you can bet the BON revised codes are not. Look at your nurse practice act of your state. I do not know of any state that allows nursing professionals to date patients, patient family members or anything that even resembles a nurse/client relationship.
Its nurses like that, that give the ones the behave professionally a bad rap.
You can go online and email the BON practice area and they will answer your question appropriately.
Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.
The hospice will continue to have a relationship with the bereaved for 13 months. It is extremely inappropriate for a hospice professional to become engaged in a personal relationship, particularly a romantic one, during that period of time.
first off I am sorry too for your loss and the dilemma following - then again: do we really need MORE policies? are we not taking common sense out of daily life with more and more policies? and people who have no common sense not necessarily follow policy.... any chance the rest of the family sit down with this nurse and tell her you do not want her to continue this? or sit down with the widowed husband? people make their own choices and some are poor, no doubt; this close to the death of some one makes some people reach out the wrong way.... i am not excusing any ones behavior here, just forget the darn policies this is life (after some one died);
In this case, yes I think policies are needed. For a couple reasons, anyway.
First, not everyone has common sense, and even those who do will have different standards.
Second, there are those who won't follow common sense or policies, but at least with policies there is a legally viable way to initiate a discipline protocol if necessary.
It shouldn't fall to a grieving family to sit down with a nurse who's behaving inappropriately. It likely destroys trust in their minds, and can quite possibly cause them anguish over what kind of care their loved one actually received. Dying is a spiritual and psycho-social as well as physical journey, and the Pt and family should feel that the best care was given in all these areas, w/o the taint of possible ulterior motives.
I am sorry to hear about this, and I know how you feel. I had a very similar experience.
When my mother was terminally ill, we had a visiting nurse come into the home to care for
my mom. This nurse turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing her greed and disregard
for my mother's welfare were absolutely horrid! When my mother first told me that she was
having an affair with my stepfather, I didn't believe it, I told her that nurses have a code of
ethics, and besides, what would she want with a senile old man in poor health. I thought that
maybe it was just the drugs that were influencing her. She was very upset!
Unfortunatly at the same time my mother was dying, I was going through the worst period
of my life. Me and my wife were struggling to keep our restaurant from going under, and we just
about became homeless and I regret that I was unable to see my mom as much as I would have
liked to. After my mom passed away, the truth came out! This nurse who gained access to my folks
home abused her position of trust and it soon became very clear what her motives were.
About a week after my mothers death my stepfather confided in me that he had a new girlfriend
I was speechless, this just wasn't like him. His girlfriend was 25 years younger than my mom, and
she was after him. He never went out looking for romance she went after him. Obviously I was not
very happy about this relationship, and what I considered a betrayal of my mother.My stepfather
then went on a 2000 mile trip to see some of his relatives back east, including his two biological
daughters. His daughters later told me that she was calling him all the time. When he got back from
his trip this woman really went to work on him, and he told me of their plans to get married. She
was actually helping him do some minor remodeling of her new home.This gold digger acted so fast
that I couldn't believe it. To make a long story short a blind man could see what her motives were
this vile woman totally devasted the relationship that my sister and I had with our stepfather she
gained a foothold in the house from being my mothers nurse, and never let go of it! she had complete
control over a senile old man and had him sign everything over to her.It didn't take much of a woman
to do this, and it makes me wonder, that if she was capable of doing this, what kind of care did my
mother receive from a woman who was so anxious to take everything away from her.
I never actually met this woman,I would spit in her face if I ever did. The last time I ever spoke to my
stepfather, he told me don't be a stranger she's not poison. I regret very much that a woman of such low standards actually got away with this. My mother always wanted her home to go to her children, she worked
very hard to make it possible,instead the woman who violated her rights now resides in it. My mothers will, mysteriously
disappeared while this so called nurse occupied the house, she had total access.
What really bothers me the most is what she said, and didn't say in my stepfathers obituary,
she makes a big deal about being a Christian (which she is not) told others lies , and failed to mention
that my stepfather had a wife of 50 years and 3 step children. The question why would she want to
do this to the memory of the lady whom, it was her sacred duty to protect her welfare. She would
have nothing if it were not my mom, and me and my sister are absolutley outraged.
This woman is without a doubt the most cold, vicious non caring health care professional that
I have had the misfortune to ever come into my life. My moms kids never even got one penny, nor
did my stepfathers biological children. My sister never even got my moms jewelry. There isn't a day
that goes by that I don't think about her foul deeds and how she enriched herself at our expense,
she hurt us financially, spiritually and emotionally and probably the biggest victim of her greed was
my stepfather. I really can't fault my stepfather, she took total advantage and stepped way over
the boundaries of ethical conduct into criminal conduct. We want justice
Bad bad all around. I had a nursing colleague of mine who kept in contact with former family ( widower, and daughter ) of her dead patient.
I heard that she was dating this wonderful man who gave the best kisses ever. Turned out to be the dead patient's spouse. Our agency had not policy against this.
I lost ALOT of respect to my friend... it was only 6 months since the patient died and she started an intimate relationship with him! ( that is just creepy )
scribblerpnp
351 Posts
Just to update. I did talk to the director, who was mortified and agreed that this was inappropriate behavior. I did find out that this nurse was new to Hospice care (worked less than 6 months).
Next thing I know, I find out that she called the family member and told him that it would be better if they waited a year until they went out.
Phew! Hopefully this sounds like she got some much needed re-education.
I know that in hospitals, this may happen, but Hospice is different. The director told me that direct family members (i.e. spouses) are considered as much as the patient as the dying person is. So she assured me I wasn't over-reacting in being upset about this.
So sad. With Hospice, you anticipate the staff to help you grieve for your loved one in an appropriate manner, not aid you in dysfunctional behavior.