Single mom of 3, disorganized, discouraged & stressed

[seattleattic]

I'm hoping to hear from parents out there who have almost full-time care of their children, who have struggled to study and be organized.

To be fair, my kids' dad will help if I give him enough notice, and my mom lives with me, so making the time to study should not be an issue. I try to be organized, but I am disorganized, for one. I need tips on making a chart or SOMETHING that will help me be organized. I hear so many stories of the single mom who works full-time, goes to school full-time, cares for her kids and has a 4.0. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. :-(

Part of my problem is that 1) I feel guilty about leaving my kids with my mom to study, because she helps so much anyway and they tire her out; 2) When I study with the kids, they tend to interrupt a lot (they're 12, 8 and 7)--at least, the two younger ones do; 3) When they finish homework, the two younger ones eventually finish the day by bickering, so I end up referrining and counseling; 4) I feel guilty at leaving my kids because I miss them when I leave home to study at the library; 5) I'm one of those people who hates to ask (bother) others for help.

How do I get over these issues and how do I become more organized? I'm not looking to be a superstar mom, but I'm getting worried because my grades are suffering and the nursing progams I want to get into are competitive, even at the community college level.

Thanks for any advice.

[Aongroup1990, CNA]

Pamper yourself, give yourself a break once in a while. Don't rush life and enjoy these moments... Don't think of it as stressful. have some laughs. I am a mother, living on my own only 22 years of age. I am in school taking the general classes, aiming for a spot in the nursing program. Keep going, and always put school first. Or try to exercise to help you release some stress. Change comes in small amounts, but it takes time..

[Wrench Party]

I was never a big housecleaner anyway, so I've let the house slide into oblivion (I attend to 4 essential chores:

dishes, laundry, animal care, garbage/recycling and relatively clean bathroom). I try to keep my study organized enough so I can find stuff and study. Besides that, screw it. It's work, study, school, exercise, and sleep. I use school breaks to clean the house and re-organize until the next tidal wave (i.e. life at full blast) hits. My boyfriend is in there somewhere.

I use every downtime I have to study and do work: on the bus, at work if I can, time between classes, during meals, etc. My laptop

is an extension of my arm, I'm always working NCLEX questions on it.

That being said, I write everything out in my calendar for the semester as soon as I can, and highlight it. I love paper day planners I can carry with me, with weekly and monthly calendars.

[GiGcr]

Nobody would choose to do a tough program like nursing as a single mom of any number of kids if they didn't really want to change their future - you must be very strong. Single mom of 2 great little boys (2 and 3 1/2) here, and just finishing the BScN After Degree Program at UofA (Canada). When I started the program, my hubby was just starting to be really sick with mental illness, and I just found out I was pregnant with #2. My program goes year around for 2 years, so no breaks to speak of, except for the odd long weekend between semesters (not kidding).

I have a couple of coping strategies that were new to me, and I hope you find some for yourself too. Ask for help, and focus on the support that you get from your family, friends, church, school, fellow students, and strangers.

Give yourself some grace - if you are getting 4.0, what else are you giving up? Do you NEED that 4.0? Although my first BSc (Psych) wasn't stellar, I was a solid B+ or A- student, but... "C's are degrees". Having said that, when you stop with the pressure to perform to an unrealistic level (you aren't single and living with your mom and dad, right?) you might surprise yourself. I have been competitive enough in my marks to get my first choice for a preceptorship, and several scholarships. If a good friend of yours was doing what you intend to do, would you judge her if her house was untidy? If she served frozen meatballs instead of scratch-cooking? If her laundry piled up a bit? Give yourself the same grace.

Enjoy. Enjoy your kids and say "poo on the messy house, let's go to the park for a picnic". That's what they will remember, not that there was crumbs on the floor for a few days. Enjoy the learning - it's pretty cool that you will be doing what you plan to do. Try to see school as a(n) (expensive) form of escape-ism from the laundry, and a great adventure.

Don't be ashamed of tears. Your life will be hard but rich. Cry when you need to, and hug your kids and girlfriends lots. Someday you will be a better nurse for it.

Read your textbooks with the idea that you only have time for one reading - you'll pick up more than you would think with that motivation. And don't cheap out on the textbooks and think to save money with old editions - you won't need the stress of losing time finding stuff in different chapters and page numbers than your classmates.

Good luck with the rest, and the other posts have some great ideas for organization.

All the best!

[GiGcr]

Yes, all my nurse/mom/student friends are good at keeping me grounded. Stick to the friends that build on the positives, not complain about how hard life can be. If you wanted to, you could probably give seminars on how hard your life feels sometimes, but really, why?

[Patti_RN]

Most of us are parents, and we've juggled school and/ or work with family obligations. When people have difficulty doing so, it's usually because of not studying effectively. The best thing you can do is schedule separate time for studying, for being with your kids, and doing other things. Then stick to that plan. You're not doing your kids a favor, or your school work a favor by letting the other distract you. If you're sitting at your desk and turning every 5 minutes to talk to your kids, you're not really absorbing the information. If you're playing with the kids and you keep pulling out your flash cards, you're not giving the kids your undivided attention.

Figure out how much time you need, then devote a block of time to studying each day; if you have to, go to a library so you're not pulled in another direction. Don't take your phone (or at least put it on silent and put it out of sight). Don't check emails. Don't log onto Facebook. Devote the time to studying. And, be organized about it. Break down the work into chapters, or diseases, or systems and focus on ONE thing at a time before you go on. Take notes, write flashcards, or whatever you find to be helpful. Be systematic and organized. When time is up, go back home and spend time with your kids... and don't be tempted to read over your notes. This way, you'll devote yourself to your kids 100% and you'll feel less guilty when you have to study.

Think about it this way, when you finish school and you're actually working, you'll have to be away for 8+ hours each day. School can be a bit less of a time demand, but you still have to devote uninterrupted time to studying and classes. Deal with school like it's a job, not like it's an option.

[dsb_fam]

Okay, you need to have a "TEAM MEETING". Your children need to be on your team in order for school to work. This means that your family is going to work together to put you through school. I have five children(11, 9, 5, 4 and 4). I work part-time and babysit in my home the rest of the time. I am currently taking Nutrition and Microbiology(A in both, thus far). Here's the deal in my house. I have "team meetings" often and remind my kids (even the 4 year olds) what the game plan is. They all have to help mom to make it through school. This includes chores, quiet time while mom studies, and NO FIGHTING while I'm studying. You'll be surprised at how much they will help. Ask them for ideas on how they best work at school and ask them to help you implement those ideas(like a quiet study hour after dinner or the best pencils to use). If you involve them and they buy into THE TEAM, they will help you instead of fight against this. If this doesn't work, I would get tough....Like bummer, you can't behave during quiet study/read time? You must be tired, please go to your bed to read. Also, share your Team victories, I tell my children when I get an 'A' or I show them cool pictures of what I'm learning. Again, your kids want to be a part of everything you do and by making them a part of your school time, it will be win-win. (Background- I was a teacher for 10 years before deciding to pursue nursing).

One more thing - always try to plan one fun thing each week that the TEAM will do if you can get all your studying done. Of course you need their help. Make sure you follow through and it doesn't have to cost money. My kids love to take a hike or a family movie night.

[slevy1130]

#1. NO ONE gets a 4.0 in nursing school. You need to create a Master Calender and actually schedule time to study and family time. Your kids are old enough to understand you furthering your education and the temporary sacrifices the entire family will have to make. I am about to graduate and last year I had one starting college and one starting kindergarten as well as one in the middle! You will have to learn to ask for help you will need it!. You cant get through school with out a good support system. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!