essay, having trouble

dmaccnursing_student · Feb 1, 2008

Hey there! I am not an exceptional writer either, but I do have a few pointers.

Whenever I write an essay I have the same problem you do - the opening paragraph. The easiest way I believe is just taking your conclusion paragraph and just doing it backwards since your thesis should also be restated in your conclusion. Just reverse the final paragraph and put a hook at the begining and you should be golden :) Hope I helped a little...if you need help with anything feel free to send me a message. :up:

Btw, re-read your paper and revise it. It's a great paper so far...it just hasn't gone for the "wow" effect yet!

Annieee · Feb 2, 2008

I'm not great on writing essays either. But I'm taking Composition 1 this semester and I got an A on my first paper, probably because I was so passionate about it!

One thing I noticed is that you are so negative about the way that you write. This will affect your paper lots - you need to be confident!! In a paper, you need to act like you know what you're writing about.

(For example, you used the word 'I feel' in your paper. I would take that out, as it's apprehensive - you want to know what you're writing about.)

When writing a paper these are the things I keep in mind:

*Did you brainstorm before writing this essay? When I brainstorm, it helps my ideas flow together, and I can arrange the paragraph a lot easier.

*Am I being fluent and transitioning ideas from one paragraph to the next?

*Will my introduction statement pull the reader in? (Maybe use an intro about a shopping experience you had. You could also do a definition, provocative question or quote - there are many ways!)

*I think of my intro as upside down triangle - working on general interest material to your concrete assertations to your thesis!

*Remember, and intro is almost like a little summary of your essay - a lot like the conclusion. Make sure your thesis is clear and towards the end of the intro.

Anyways, sorry that I rambled, but I think you're doing a great job in your essay so far! I hope you get a grade you want - and if you need help with feedback or anything, you can always PM me! :)

Good luck!

BethT · Feb 2, 2008

thank you guys so much. your advice was very helpful! i am going to work on it again and take a more "positive" approach to it!!

sharona97, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2008

The bane of shopping in today's society has broken down into three seperate categories of shoppers..............

Didn't do all that well on comp I, meaning it was hard for me. But as other posters mentioned your summary directly impacts the beginning thesis statement, IMO.

Dream2BANurse · Feb 2, 2008

I just did this exact essay about 2 weeks ago only I classified shoppers as smart shopper, window shopper, and impulse shopper. I ended up getting an 80 because I had a few commas out of place, and my instructor said that in my last paragraph I needed more sentence variety since I started a few sentences in my window shopper paragraph with "A window shopper" but my instructor grades us hard. She did say that I had a good introduction though. I started it off with... Whenever I think of a day spent shopping,....and then I just kind of went from there and talked about things that you would commonly see going on and came up with a good sentence that would lead into my body paragraphs.

sorry I kinda rambled lol but good luck on your essay!

BethT · Feb 2, 2008

this is the whole essay

over the holidays i went to a department store to finish up last minute shopping and noticed there are three distinctive types of shoppers. the window shoppers are very interesting to watch. they will walk in and out of stores, sometimes more than once trying to decide on what to buy. those carrying several bags and they always seem to be having such a wonderful time as they power walk from store to store. then, i noticed those that are walking into each store like they know exactly what they are going for and they cannot wait to get back to the car! shopping can be a very unique experience depending on your personality.

a reluctant shopper is someone who really wants something, but knows they cannot afford it. maybe they have college debt or they need a car more than they do a new sound system. they go back and forth with whether or not it would be useful and beneficial to their life. is it worth it? will i use it? will i feel guilty if i buy it? is it worth the amount they are asking for this? this type of shopper is someone who will rationalize every item they purchase, making sure everything they buy will go to good use.

the recreational shopper gets a thrill out of just walking into a department store. it makes them feel happy and complete and purposeful. this could be a rich person or your average everyday person. the average person might just like to shop because it keeps them up to date with pop culture, they like a bargain, or just enjoy browsing and buying something new. maybe they do not even shop for themselves, they might buy for other. this type of shopper loves to treat themselves to nice things after they have had a bad day, or likes to reward them when they make a good test grade in school, or finish up a big project at work. on the other extreme, it could be a big movie star like paris hilton or britney spears who can spend a lot of money. they like to look stylish and chic and get a kick out of being innovative. maybe they buy just to buy because they can. they like investigating new stores and new styles. cost may be no big thing for them- it is just something to do.

finally, a relentless shopper is someone who does not see a point in buying things just to have them. most of the time, the relentless shopper will make a shopping list beforehand so they are not to buy more than what is on the their list. the relentless shopper could also be someone who simply does not like trying on clothes or shoes. perhaps they just prefer swimming, tennis or staying in and watching a movie then have to deal with the hustle and bustle of shopping. the relentless shopper just wants the essentials and nothing else. they do not look at shopping as a hobby, or something that can be done for fun.

there are many ways each type can enjoy shopping whether it is just going out to pick up some necessary items, or making a day of it. whether the shopper is reluctant, recreational or relentless, the reality of life is that shopping is a necessary part of modern existence and how you choose to approach that fact will influence how you feel at the end of a shopping experience.