The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and suspected chorio). But when I see that a patient has a birth plan I cringe! Maybe it's because every couple I've encountered with a birth plan have turned out to be the biggest PITA's I've had to deal with as patients- this last couple...sheesh, the dad interrogated my every action as though he thought I was going to hog tie his newborn daughter and assult her with formula and vaccines.

Their birth plan read as though it was copied out of a book...one of those ever popular "the medical industry and hospitals are EVIL and nurses are bullies and will bully you to do everything you don't want to do!!" Why are nurses and hospitals getting demonized so much? Do they really think we went into nursing because we like to harm babies and mothers and pi** off patients?

Ok, back to the birth plan thing: I've read plans that state "We require a private room" (good thing we have private rooms). "We demand immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding initiation" (gee, I was looking forward to poking your baby and letting him/her starve). "We do not want ANYONE in our room during labor except our accupuncturist and chiropractor".

I suppose these "requests" are not totally unreasonable, maybe it's just the way the plan is worded, and the defensive vibe I get from the patients who copy them from a book or author them themselves.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I blame wine.

Seriously, I'm not educationally superior. I just expect a modicum of respect for research among healthcare professionals.

That said, where *was* that cut and pasted from? And really - your only response is to nitpick my grammar?

Specializes in OB/GYN, L&D, Postpartum Couplet Care.
I blame wine. Seriously I'm not educationally superior. I just expect a modicum of respect for research among healthcare professionals. That said, where *was* that cut and pasted from? And really - your only response is to nitpick my grammar?[/quote']

Yeah, that was ****** of me, eh? Sorry. Really. It's that some of your responses sounded so condescending that I put my nice away for a minute.

We're never going to agree on this subject so we should stop trying. I'm not trying to convince you, per se, anyway. I'm trying to give those who are on the fence about the subject some food for thought. I have both professional and personal experience with hospital vs home birth and my son's near-death birth experience made me an outspoken advocate for hospital births long before I became an L&D nurse (which only solidified my position). I see what goes on behind the scenes at the hospital and it isn't the conspiring to get a woman back to the OR like you are convinced of. I'll repeat myself by saying, the laboring mother is NOT out of control of her birthing experience at the hospital. You just have to do your research, choose the right facility and healthcare provider and be willing to ask for another nurse if the one you're assigned isn't supportive of your birth plan. Ok, the end (for me). The rest of you carry on :)

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I am not convinced of anything you seem to think.i have been an L&D nurse for 9 years, have both midwives and OBs with whom I'm very good friends. The hospital I work for is an amazing facility.

Nevertheless, I believe, based on the research, that home birth is a viable option for many women.

Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.
I have both professional and personal experience with hospital vs home birth and my son's near-death birth experience made me an outspoken advocate for hospital births long before I became an L&D nurse (which only solidified my position). I see what goes on behind the scenes at the hospital and it isn't the conspiring to get a woman back to the OR like you are convinced of. I'll repeat myself by saying, the laboring mother is NOT out of control of her birthing experience at the hospital. You just have to do your research, choose the right facility and healthcare provider and be willing to ask for another nurse if the one you're assigned isn't supportive of your birth plan. Ok, the end (for me). The rest of you carry on :)

It is clear SandiegocaliRN has had some very powerful childbirth experiences that supersede her ability to separate statistical information from anecdotal.

SandiegocaliRN, I am sure you work in a great facility that does give a S what birthing mamas want, but you are mistaken in assuming that women have a choice of facilities that suit their needs. Where I live there are NO hospital facilities that actively support women's choices, rather they have archaic policies such as no drinking or eating during labor, mandatory gowns, etc.

In my personal experience here, it was never an issue of "ask for another nurse" as they all followed the same protocol, had the same attitude, and were much more concerned with their experience than mine.

Plagiarization | Define Plagiarization at Dictionary.com

Yeah, that was ****** of me, eh? Sorry. Really. It's that some of your responses sounded so condescending that I put my nice away for a minute.

We're never going to agree on this subject so we should stop trying. I'm not trying to convince you, per se, anyway. I'm trying to give those who are on the fence about the subject some food for thought. I have both professional and personal experience with hospital vs home birth and my son's near-death birth experience made me an outspoken advocate for hospital births long before I became an L&D nurse (which only solidified my position). I see what goes on behind the scenes at the hospital and it isn't the conspiring to get a woman back to the OR like you are convinced of. I'll repeat myself by saying, the laboring mother is NOT out of control of her birthing experience at the hospital. You just have to do your research, choose the right facility and healthcare provider and be willing to ask for another nurse if the one you're assigned isn't supportive of your birth plan. Ok, the end (for me). The rest of you carry on :)

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

Mamagui does make a very good point. I used to work at a smaller community hospital where there were no other hospitals around for 100+ miles. There were no other options. It wasn't a matter of doing one's homework and choosing a good hospital. It was the only game in town. Further, the docs (just docs, CNMs were not given practice privileges there) had all been in private practice for many years, so there was quite a dearth of EBP. They did things because "that is what I was taught in medical school".

So women don't always have a choice, and some hospitals and physicians don't give a rat's behind about women's rights or preferences in childbirth.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

MODERATOR NOTE:

This thread is about unusual birth plans and not about the safety of home birth....please stick to topic.

If you wish to debate hone birth versus hospital birth please start another thread.

My state (Michigan) also requires eye drops -- mandatory, even if you don't want them.

No, I delivered in Michigan and I declined the erythromycin

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
To be honest, the whole point of this thread makes me sick. To laugh at women and their birth experiences. It's not a laughing matter, and these women are very valid in their feelings. I think if nurses want to laugh at their patients maybe they need not to be a nurse in the first place. We need people who care, not people who obviously don't belong in this specialty if they are going to further drive up the c/s rate because they laugh at mom's requests. Maybe its not the mothers who aren't educated, but the nurses.

I can promise you that laughing at a birth plan with things like "ask me before you circumcise my child" has NOTHING to do with the C-section rate. The decision to proceed to the OR is made by the baby, the doctor, the mother, or some combination of the three. This forum is supposed to be a safe place to vent and laugh. And I don't know any nurse with more than 2 years of experience without a gallows sense of humor. It's the only way to survive. I could either snicker inwardly at the ignorance, or I could bang my head against the wall and then quit. I adored intelligent questions and input when I was a labor nurse. I wanted patients who cared about themselves and their babies. What I didn't need was someone who got a canned birth plan off the internet and then went no further. They read somewhere about how the nurses and doctors were going to try to kill them and their babies, and they believed it. Did they go to the free childbirth class offered by the hospital (that I usually taught)? Of course not, that would take time and effort, and involve acquiring knowledge. Much easier to assume things and print something they found on a blog.

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
This attitude is a prime example of why hospital births can be so awful. In a hospital, giving birth is focused on what is convenient for the OB/Nurse/ hospital. Continuous fetal monitoring has not been proven by the evidence to lead to better outcomes for mom or baby- and as this nurse has pointed out, it allows him/her to "do their job," which has nothing to do with evidence based practice. It basically takes mom out of the equation, and along with her goes her personal health choices. A birth plan is designed to protect the integrity of her choices.

If you are a nurse, I'm sure that at some point you've practiced some defensive nursing. We all know the risk of lawsuit, and in OB it's worse than anywhere else. I've seen a crunchy couple that refused monitoring and interventions have a bad outcome, and then turn to the nurse and doctor and say "But why didn't you tell me? YOU are the professional!" So it's all fine and good to say that it should be perfectly fine for the baby to go unmonitored because mama doesn't want to cooperate for whatever reason, comfort, idealism, etc., but how do you explain to a lawyer, jury, and now grieving mom that you missed those repetitive lates because the you were trying to make the patient happy. I believe home birth should be an option for low risk women who don't want to be monitored. But when you come to the hospital to deliver, you should expect monitoring. Yes, I know the statistics don't show that monitoring does much but increase the rate of C-sections, but I know for a fact it will be used against the nurse and doctor in a lawsuit. Every little gap in tracing will be pointed out to the jury and the nurse will be questioned about why the baby wasn't being monitored. It's like going to the ER with chest pain and refusing an EKG. Why even go? Stay home, and then you can be as comfortable as you want, and if something goes wrong you have only yourself to blame.

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
I've only been an LVN for 4 years & being an LVN not able to work in L&D. I'm pregnant with my first child & it just boggles my mind what mothers/parents request from reading this post. I don't have a birth plan, per say. But I do know what I do & don't want. I am flexible & know my baby's health comes first rather than any plan. Especially when things can go from great to horrible in the blink of an eye. I just wish I could have one of you L&D nurses as my own when I deliver.

The hospital where I delivered and worked for years did use LPNs in L&D! They were scrub techs primarily, but could also recover patients. We adored our LPNs!

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
Shoulder dystocia? Maybe if women weren't stuck flat in bed with an epidural and pitocin, they'd be able to get up and move to prevent that. Not only that, but hands and knees is very very crucial to getting out of that situation, which oh by the way, can't really happen all that great when she's paralyzed from the waist down.

Shoulder Dystocia - Spinning Babies

BTW, you've probably seen too many bad things because you're probably in a hospital that is part of the 1 in 3 c/s epidemic. No wonder you're scared. birth isn't a medical emergency. If I ever have another I can't wait to have it in the comfort of my own home, surrounded by knowledgeable supportive people with the right qualifications to remedy that very slim chance of something going awry.

The very fact that Ina May has a maneuver named after her proves that dystocias can happen anywhere, even at home. I support the right of women to deliver at home, safely and legally. But we have come so far in medical advancements that we have forgotten that birth can kill mothers and babies. I've got several antique obstetrics textbooks that describe what it was like before C-sections were an option, when birth primarily occurred in one's home. Hooks to decapitate and remove dead babies, how to break a symphasis pubis to assist with the delivery of a huge baby (and how to construct a sling bed for the woman to lay in for weeks on end while she recovered). Yes, absolutely, there are way too many cesareans in this country, but sometimes they can save lives. The inventors of forceps were lauded because they saved lives. The guy that came up with a way to repair fistulas following birth revolutionized life for many women who were basically homebound forever after they delivered because of the odor and embarrassment from unrepaired fistulas. Birth seems so safe and benign now because few of us (outside L&D nurses) know anyone that died in childbirth. Yes, there is too much Pitocin. Maybe there are too many epidurals, but I bet the women who were burned at the stake for even having the audacity to ask for pain relief in labor would think we were nuts for even debating it (on that note, I highly recommend Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank, it's a very informative read).

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