Personal fertility issues a detriment in OB Nursing?

Baubo516, RN · Mar 28, 2014

* crickets *

It is times like these that I wish I could easily erase a post I have made on this forum! Oh well. Perhaps the silence is an answer in itself.

I guess everyone has personal issues, and as long as we don't bring them onto the unit with us, they shouldn't get in the way of us doing our jobs. :) I am in my 2nd (longer) OB rotation right now for school clinicals, and I just love working with the babies and new mothers. I have also loved taking care of adolescents with severe & profound disabilities at a residential care facility, taking care of retired nuns at a LTC for retired sisters, and caring for clients on a medical unit. (Surgical was my least favorite so far, but still ok.) I guess I will probably go to whatever unit will have me for my first job, as I can picture myself doing almost all of them.

But I really do love the brand new babies.

bell1962 · Mar 28, 2014

Hello

I don't think I could work in OB if I were unable to have children. It would be a reminder every day of what I want but couldn't have. Although I can see how for others it could work out, at least you would be around babies every day. I guess you could always try ir if that is where your heart lies and then if it proves too difficult transfer somewhere else.

RunBabyRN · Mar 28, 2014

This particular forum is slower than many of the others, so don't take the crickets personally. :)

I think it's hard to say how you'll really feel if you were working on the unit. Would you grow to resent the moms? Would you just be thrilled to be there? No one can know that but you. I think if your head is right with things, you could really enjoy it. I love cuddling babies and all that, but as I'm wrapping up my preceptorship in postpartum, there really isn't a lot of that. I probably hold a baby (like, actually hold, rather than picking up to examine or wrap or assist with breastfeeding) about once every two weeks. But there is a lot of patient education and helping them make the transition into motherhood. You may actually bring a unique perspective- some women have really struggled to get pregnant, and having a nurse that understands that struggle can be good. I know I've had my own struggles (not with fertility, but others regarding pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding), and I take them with me when caring for patients. I can relate to some of the highly emotional stuff some of them are going through, and I think I have empathy that someone who hasn't gone through it can't relate to.

I share your interest in hospice, and dislike for a surgical floor (just not my thing!). But moms and babies hold my heart, and have for 10+ years.

Do what works for you- nothing says that if you decide to go into mother/baby, that you'll be there forever. You always have the opportunity to apply for something else if it turns out to be too much.

Good luck!

Baubo516, RN · Mar 28, 2014

Thanks, bell1962 and RunBabyRun for your replies! I think you are right, RunBabyRun - I really won't know until I try it. My first goal is to get hired at this hospital - it is a Magnet hospital and I will have an ADN, not BSN, so getting hired may be a challenge in itself (even though I will have worked here as an aide for 3 years by the time I graduate.) And one of the things that drew me to nursing is the fact that if you don't like where you are, you can always go somewhere else and still be a nurse.

Thanks again for your replies.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Mar 28, 2014

One of my best OB classroom instructors, wrote textbooks, and was a phenomenal clinical instructor, had never had children of her own d/t infertility issues.

nocturnalnurse · Mar 28, 2014

We have multiple nurses and a few obstetricians who never had children if their own, some by choice some not, and all are excellent at their job. Everyone, even those who have kids, sometimes get frustrated with certain situations like the ones you describe. You will have to come to terms with that and not let your feelings effect your attitude at work or care for your patients. Everyone, despite their circumstance, deserves the best care. We as nurses need to reserve judgement of others. If you can do this, give OB a shot. I also truly hope you and your husband find answers and solutions to your fertility. Good luck.

Baubo516, RN · Mar 29, 2014

Thanks for your replies, Elvish and nocturnalnurse. I agree about not passing judgement on our patients - it is something I strive for in my work as an aide. I think that is pretty cool that one of Elvish's teachers was accomplished in this field even though she had experienced infertility. For some reason, I have had a lot of experience with babies - I guess it is because I was the oldest of 5 children and cared for my sisters and brother when they were babies, and my sisters have all had them, I have cared for their kids, as well. Babies love to fall asleep on me and I can usually calm a fussy baby. Usually.

Anyway... I am a nocturnal aide tonight... doing a 1:1 at work... I guess I should get off of the computer. Thanks for the replies, and for the well wishes!

ReneeRN0521 · Apr 7, 2014

Hello,

I am currently going through fertility treatments to try and conceive and have been a L&D nurse for 2 years. I won't lie some days it is really, really hard to be sympathetic and caring. Especially when people come in whining and complaining about being pregnant and that is all you want in the whole entire world. It is also very hard when you are taking care of the patients like the one you described or the mom who is having her 6th kid and either can't afford to take care of or doesn't have custody of the other 5. But on the other hand there are those absolutely wonderful families that you are so happy for and know that they will be wonderful parents, or the couple that battled with infertility and finally is getting to have their miracle baby...those days are WONDERFUL!!! It is all in how you approach the situation. I have had to learn how to be caring towards people that I don't always feel deserve it and I feel like I be a better nurse for that lesson. I do feel that you can be an OB nurse while dealing with infertility...it won't always be easy but the job is so rewarding that I feel that for me personally...it is worth it.

monkeybug · Apr 11, 2014

First of all, best wishes for you. I'll say a prayer for you. I worked in L&D all during my infertility escapades. I would go in for ultrasounds and blood draws before my 3-11 shifts. Looking back, I really think it would have been better for me to have been somewhere else. I don't know where, as I could never stand the thought of med surg. Maybe Walmart. It was tough, really, really tough. I dealt with a lot of anger and bitterness. Every time a teen mom would mouth off at me, or say something inappropriate about their baby, every time someone would come in high on crack and deliver, every time someone failed to appreciate the miracle they'd just been bestowed, I'd inwardly rage. Why them, and not me? Why did they get a baby when they were doing everything wrong, and I couldn't get pregnant, despite doing it all the "right" way? I was a walking tornado of anger. The other nurses that got pregnant on the unit tended to tiptoe around me, but I appreciated that they recognized my anguish. And my coworkers rejoiced with me when I got pregnant. My fertility specialist finally refused to proceed until I went to counseling, and I utilized our hospital's EAP. It really helped to talk about it. I should have done it long before I did, but my attitude towards counseling was "you're never going to make me happy that I'm barren!" (I tended towards the dramatic while hopped up on all those hormones.)

Most L&D nurses will, at some point in their career, question the choices of the universe, or God, or fate, when it comes to who gets to be a mom. We just see too many unpleasant things. When the nurse is also trying to conceive, it can escalate these feelings. I don't want to discourage you from a career choice, because quite possibly you are a much more logical, kind person than I, and therefore won't feel the way I did. It was 4 years of hell for me, though, going to work every day and going home to a room that was supposed to be a nursery but was instead empty. I'm sure I wasn't the best nurse through it all. I still got great patient comments on surveys, and I still even taught childbirth class through it all, but I was a very angry, unhappy person on the inside.

Baubo516, RN · Apr 11, 2014

monkeybug -

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am an emotional person, for sure, and I remember it being even worse when I was doing hormone injections. If you don't mind sharing, how old were you when you became pregnant? And did you do in vitro? I understand if you do not want to share on this forum. You could also send me a private message.

I tend to talk about my private business a lot - my deal is, I am about to turn 41 years old in May. We did 2 years of infertility treatment about 5 years ago. One year just using oral meds to stimulate my ovulation and also charting my temp. This did not work. Then, one year of doing injectables, lots of transvag ultrasounds to see if my eggs were maturing, and IUI 3 or 4 times. This did not work. Then we basically ran out of money.

For right now, I am just trying to get through nursing school. I was VERY emotional when going through my treatments, and every month when I did not become pregnant, I was SO sad. I was teaching at a Catholic school the time, and one day when we had a presentation about a person's personal experience with abortion, I had to go hide in an empty classroom and cry until I could get a hold of myself.

So, yeah, it might be an issue if I am going through treatment again while working with moms and babies. We'll see. I just had one clinical day in the NICU where I got to take care of two precious preemie twins, and I just loved it...

I don't graduate until December, and then I will just have to see what jobs are open anyway. I know I could also enjoy the medical floor (med and surg are separate at my hospital) or rehab/skilled, where I work now. I will have to pray and see what gives me the greatest peace.

Thanks again for sharing your experience. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you. I am so happy for you that you were able to become pregnant! I am not sure if that will ever be in the cards for me.