Not Sure if L&D is where I want to be! Help Please

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 3, 2017

Hi, I am hoping to get some advice as I am very lost right now. I started working in L&D through a new grad program last April, so I am almost at my 1 year mark (6 month orientation, almost 6 months on my own). L&D is very fast paced, as many know, and at first I liked being thrown into the craziness going on. Now that I am coming on 1 year on the floor, I am still anxious before every shift, I am dreading going to work every day, and I am generally not enthused to be on this unit. I find myself lazy on my days off, sad and crying the day I have to go back with my mind going a million miles a minute trying to gauge whether its too early or whether L&D is just not for me. I am still on contract and now I feel like I have a duty to uphold, but at the same time I am miserable with not a great quality of life right now. Im wondering whether to as my manager if I could focus more on PP or wondering if I could ask to shadow in NICU and see if I enjoy it more. I am just SO lost and would love some advice. I appreciate you taking the time to read and help!

What you're experiencing used to be called "reality shock", and everyone goes through it. Anxious before every shift (I used to cry on my way to work, on my way home and in the bathroom at work). I dreaded going to work, couldn't accomplish anything on my day off and my mind wouldn't stop "twirling" on things like "Did I chart that pain medicine I gave?" and "I wonder what I missed tonight." Quality of life sucks until you reach the point where you're competent in your job. Competence usually takes about two years, although some start getting comfortable in their jobs about 1 year. I was a slow learner -- closer to two years than one.

You go to work and you're anxious and scared because you don't know if you can handle everything that could get thrown at you. Over time, you start to realize that you can handle THIS, and you can figure out THAT, and that some of the time you actually feel competent. You start feeling competent more of the time and anxious less of the time until one day, something just "clicks" and you realize that you GOT this. Quality of life improves, you're anxious only a small part of the time and you haven't cried for weeks. We all had to go through it. The only way to GET through it is to GO through it, and changing jobs merely slows down the process because you have to start all over again. I'd urge you to stay at your job rather than asking to shadow someplace else. It's not about enjoying your job right now; it's about developing the skills to become competent so that you CAN enjoy your work. You're still developing.

You were on orientation for six months, so really you've only been "the nurse" for about six months. You're probably right on track for becoming competent. Or you could be a late bloomer like me. Nothing wrong with that unless you lose patience and start job hopping.

I wish you the best. I have acute and vivid memories of my first year of nursing and wouldn't want to repeat it for anything!

lavenderskies, BSN · Mar 5, 2017

Ditto everything Ruby said. If I could talk to my new grad self this would be my advice. At work you are learning how to nurse. Your second job right now is learning how to take care of the nurse. This isn't the time to take on new responsibilities or other stressful things. This is the time to establish really really good self care. Focus on learning anxiety relieving/managing tips, good nutrition, improve your sleep habits, a regular check in with a counselor or mentor would be so awesome. Look at ways to improve your viewpoints. I wish I had done these things early on. :)

BSNbeauty, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2017

Labor and Delivery is not for every one and that is okay. Talk to your Nurse Manager to see if you can shadow on PP or NICU. Great thing about nursing is that everyone will eventually find their niche!

XXXX5 · May 9, 2017

Ruby- Wow! I so appreciate hearing that you too cried in the bathroom since I have been feeling like I am loosing it at times....Also I have never heard the term "slow learner" used in a neutral context... I think I am a slow learner too! And I am worried about this...I recently got off orientation and I am full of the anxiety you describe. How did your fellow nurses and manager deal with you being a "slow learner"? I am worried my need to have VE exams double checked by a senior nurse before calling a doctor or my inability to work as fast as others at this early point in the job will lead to others not wanting to assist me, think I should be fired and bully- I recently had a doctor say to me after a delivery and in front of a patient that he did not think the delivery went smoothly and that it better be different next time and blamed the use of a vacuum on "nurse inability to find the FHR". I know I am not as quick as a 5+ veteran nurse but I can get there with time and support or maybe I should look elsewhere too?

lavenderskies, BSN · May 10, 2017

I recently had a doctor say to me after a delivery and in front of a patient that he did not think the delivery went smoothly and that it better be different next time and blamed the use of a vacuum on "nurse inability to find the FHR". I know I am not as quick as a 5+ veteran nurse but I can get there with time and support or maybe I should look elsewhere too?

That's a nasty move by the provider and clearly was trying to make a less than optimal delivery look like someone's fault other than their own.

An intervention like a vacuum is not the fault of the nurse even if you couldn't find heart tones. A provider is perfectly capable to handhold the transducer....or apply an FSE.

XXXX5 · May 10, 2017

Mom was pushing and about to deliver.....

That's a nasty move by the provider and clearly was trying to make a less than optimal delivery look like someone's fault other than their own.
An intervention like a vacuum is not the fault of the nurse even if you couldn't find heart tones. A provider is perfectly capable to handhold the transducer....or apply an FSE.

Chelle6283 · May 10, 2017

I was just curious if you stayed in L&D or if you decided to move on?

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 10, 2017

Ruby- Wow! I so appreciate hearing that you too cried in the bathroom since I have been feeling like I am loosing it at times....Also I have never heard the term "slow learner" used in a neutral context... I think I am a slow learner too! And I am worried about this...I recently got off orientation and I am full of the anxiety you describe. How did your fellow nurses and manager deal with you being a "slow learner"? I am worried my need to have VE exams double checked by a senior nurse before calling a doctor or my inability to work as fast as others at this early point in the job will lead to others not wanting to assist me, think I should be fired and bully- I recently had a doctor say to me after a delivery and in front of a patient that he did not think the delivery went smoothly and that it better be different next time and blamed the use of a vacuum on "nurse inability to find the FHR". I know I am not as quick as a 5+ veteran nurse but I can get there with time and support or maybe I should look elsewhere too?

"Slow learner" doesn't mean "non-learner". Some of my colleagues were patient with me and some weren't. My manager was supportive, and that helped. The rest of them came around when I eventually became competent. As far as bullies -- if you won't be a victim, they'll move on to someone else, so don't be a victim. But as far as that goes, you can stand up for yourself without going too far. I've seen a lot of new grads become bullies themselves because they're so worried about being bullied. Don't do that! Just assume that everyone has perfectly pleasant and reasonable motives and treat them accordingly. If you aren't looking for bullies, you probably won't find any.

As far as unpleasant providers go -- just take it in your stride. Next time you can't find FHT, ask them to show you their special tips. You're allowed to ask questions.

Please don't look for a new job until you've put in at least a year. You'd be surprised what a difference a year makes in quality of life and on-the-job learning, and when you look back on it, a year is just a tiny speck of time.