Bizzare

Calzonan RN · Feb 6, 2008

A long time ago I had a Daddy that was running between the labor room of his wife and the labor room of his girlfriend. The weird thing was that everybody seemed okay with the situation. Nothing amazes me anymore.

We had the same situation happen the other day. There was a couple in labor and their friend/roomate was there with them pregnant by the same daddy. She started having preterm labor (the women were due 6 wks apart) and ended up in a room across the hall from her friend. The dad was running between the two rooms. Apparently they'd all lived in LA, the dad and friend moved out here earlier, had a rendevous or two, then the girlfriend moved out here, and both ended up pg, but okay with it, or so it seemed. Unfortunately the 'friend' was in love with this 'winner', but we're the only ones she told. Sad.

Another bizarre story...We had a pt 16/17 yo who was in labor and had her mom, her mom's husband, her dad, her dad's new wife there with her during her labor. Anytime you'd ask the girl "Are you in any pain" or any question her mom would answer for her..."no, she's just having cramping" or whatever the appropriate answer was. I was charting at bedside and looked down to ask her a question, and she was sucking her thumb!!! Turns out she's a major thumb sucker because her teeth were all out of alignment because of it and she continued to do it the whole labor!! Everybody kept referring to her boyfriend (who nobody had really met, he lived in another state) as her baby's daddy, like that is something hiphop or whatever. :icon_roll It's become a fashion statement to have a baby that you can dress up like a doll and take around all your friends.

And finally...We had a patient who delivered at home. Problem is, she didn't know she was pregnant. I know this happens, but she was 26 living at home with her parents and no one knew she was pregnant!! She thought she was constipated.

I've only been a nurse for six weeks. I was an extern before, but all these cases have happened (plus some other weird ones) in the last six weeks. I just feel sorry for these little innocent babies thrust into such a wacky situation.

oregonchinamom · Feb 7, 2008

When I attended my 5-year HS reunion in 1986, a group of women, who were all married with young children, advised me that the best way to have kids is to go into bars and pick up men and never tell him he had a child, or if that's not my thing, go to a sperm bank and pick a guy out of the catalogue because your husband won't show any more interest in the child than that anonymous picture.
:icon_roll
Thing was, the worst thing any of them said about their husbands was that one of them accidentally threw an $85 pair of pants into the dryer and shrunk them.
The conversation sticks with me to this day, and to my knowledge, most of these couples are still married.
I told the "pickup story" to some OB nurses one time, and one of them said, "You do not get the cream of the crop of the gene pool when you do that." Other people have concurred with me that this is a great way to get raped, get AIDS, get a kid with alcoholism genes, etc. Yes, I know there are lots of men who would be willing to take these women's fatherless kids under their wing and raise them as if they are their own, but it usually doesn't work out that way.
The people who have told me over the years that it's better to have kids without a husband, or even any father in the picture, are usually the type who also see no problem with dating married men. Go figure.
Thing is, I have heard that being a single parent is MUCH easier than raising a child with a husband so many times, there must be some truth to it. I suppose it would be if he's an alcoholic who refuses to work, that kind of thing. Pretty much the only people who have told me that single parenthood is more difficult have been men whose wives died or abandoned them, and widows.
By the time I was a teenager, I had heard so many stories about women who married the scum of the earth and was left destitute with 2 or 3 kids (never figured it out after the first one) that I asked my mom if women had some kind of contest to see who could snag the most worthless man. We're not talking about couples who were incompatible; we're talking about guys who were drug addicts, went to prison, etc. and the women knew this about them before they ever went out with them. Oh, and then a year or two later Mr. Wonderful came along and the kids referred to their biodad as their "fake dad" or whatever.
I do remember how many kids changed their names in elementary school because their mom remarried and their stepdad adopted them, but this was in the early 1970s and I wonder now how much of this may have been "You have a new daddy so you don't need the old one any more."

I was a single mom by choice for 7 years, although I adopted instead of going to a bar. I married a wonderful man a bit over a year ago and in comparison, I would have to say that I think, for the most part, being a single parent is easier. Being the only decision maker meant that the buck stoped here, no arguing over what is the correct way, no way for the kids to triangulate the parents. If I said no, it meant no and I made all the (correct, of course ) decisions on how they should be raised. Having said that, having a positive father figure in their lives has added much joy to all of us!

magz53 · Feb 11, 2008

It is no small coincidence that when you look at the spot on the chart that says religion..........most times you will see "no affiliation". We live in an increasingly amoral society. I don't have the answers and I am not making blanket judgements against single moms........I was one myself at one point in my life. I didn't see any one of these 3 potential fathers really stepping up to the plate to assume responsiblity......it was more like winning a contest. The Medicaid burden in my state is billions of dollars......people move to NY as our system is so lenient. I admit I am tired in the evening of my career.......tired of working so THEY don't have to. Bottom line is the poor children. The cycle will be perpetuated for sure with no end in sight.

queenjean · Feb 12, 2008

:icon_roll

ruralnurs · Feb 13, 2008

I work in a small hospital and do the childbirth classes. I had one of our providers give me the names of two women and asked me to be sure they are not in the same class (I only do a few a year because we have so few babies). Seems that when the wife was out of state with first baby (born with us and diagnosed with transposition of the great vessels) getting major heart surgery, the husband was hanging out with a 16 year old. Now both are pregnant again and due in close proximity. The puke is not acknowledging the teenager's pregnancy and she is going through a huge depression, quit school, stay s in her room in the dark.

Some people could really use a bullet.......oh I mean a brain.

rph3664 · Feb 13, 2008

I work in a small hospital and do the childbirth classes. I had one of our providers give me the names of two women and asked me to be sure they are not in the same class (I only do a few a year because we have so few babies). Seems that when the wife was out of state with first baby (born with us and diagnosed with transposition of the great vessels) getting major heart surgery, the husband was hanging out with a 16 year old. Now both are pregnant again and due in close proximity. The puke is not acknowledging the teenager's pregnancy and she is going through a huge depression, quit school, stay s in her room in the dark.
Some people could really use a bullet.......oh I mean a brain.

How old is the sorry excuse for a father? If he's older than, say, 21, shouldn't he be on the sex offender registry?

broncopooh · Feb 13, 2008

Many years ago we had a mom (4th baby) who came in and said if Mrs. *** comes in don't let her know I'm here. She told us Mrs ***'s husband is the father of her baby. It was Mrs***'s 5th baby and she had a reputation for being quite onery. They were also seeing the same ob and the office had to make sure not to schedule them at the same time. They were due 2 weeks apart. The funny thing was....The father of both babies was the Schwans man. These were grown adults in their mid 30's who you would think would know better.

study2Bnurse · Feb 13, 2008

many years ago we had a mom (4th baby) who came in and said if mrs. *** comes in don't let her know i'm here. she told us mrs ***'s husband is the father of her baby. it was mrs***'s 5th baby and she had a reputation for being quite onery. they were also seeing the same ob and the office had to make sure not to schedule them at the same time. they were due 2 weeks apart. the funny thing was....the father of both babies was the schwans man. these were grown adults in their mid 30's who you would think would know better.

my goodness!! i guess the days of the "milk man" being the father are over!! how very modern, the schwans man!!

wow! all i can say is that i hope those babies were loved and cared for and had all that they needed in life.

:redbeathe:nurse::redbeathe

RNBelle · Feb 15, 2008

i had a girl in pp that didnt know who the daddy was. she would be on the phone with different people saying "looks like you". geez

magz53 · Feb 16, 2008

May I add to my own Bizzare thread ??? What is wrong with this picture ?? Professed lesbian pregnant by a 65 year old man ( Makes me want to sing the song "Viva Viagra" ) and both of them saying that they don't want this baby while she is in labor !!! No arrangements made for adopting out. They both seemed relatively intelligent, but that poor baby !!! Hundreds of desperate couples waiting for a child and what future awaits this baby ????? Some nights I come home and sleep eludes me. I agree with Worn Out on another thread, I have had it.