Has anyone had any trouble is their marriage?

AprilRNhere · Mar 6, 2008

I'm so sorry.

Marriage was really rough when I was in school. At one point I was even sending money to my mom to save for me to leave when I finished. I'm glad I didn't make any quick decisions though...because all went back to normal when I finished. Part of me is sad that we didn't handle the rough times better..but our marriage is happy now so I'm glad we stuck it out.

No matter what happens from here...I wish you the best. I knew a few ladies who almost failed nursing school due to family issues...just don't let it effect your school work. Use studying as an outlet and focus harder.

not2L84me · Mar 6, 2008

To April Here - You mentioned that some of your classmates almost didn't make it because of family issues. Can you share what they were and how they were resolved? This is ONE of my BIGGEST reasons for my being kicked out of the program. Your advice is appreciated. Thanks

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Mar 6, 2008

I just want you to know that I truly sympathize with your situations here. Nursing school is a huge commitment for you and your family, and even an understanding family will feel your emotional absence as you go through your studies.

When I started to feel like my husband had had it up to here with listening to me about school while I never acknowledged his contributions, we'd bicker and argue. Eventually, I got enough of a clue to be able to read him when he'd had enough and whether or not we had the money, we'd go spend the day together and recharge.

If nothing else, I would look up from my books and just tell him, "I love you!" The further I got into nursing school, the more I realized how much strain it put on the whole family. He told me later that he felt like a single parent because I asked for support but couldn't give much. Then, at the end, he was afraid that I'd meet a rich doc and run off with him. Sounds so ridiculous now, but the poor man was already feeling like he'd lost me to the local library.

I also made a "contract" with him and DS of sorts: That when I graduated, my family would get my life back. We planned and X'd off the graduation day just like everyone else, but we also planned a "Getting My Life Back" fun day by planning a day at a theme park, and we all went and had a blast. A lot of the students in our class had their SO's or their most supportive family member recognized at our pinning by having the SO put the pin on.

AprilRNhere · Mar 6, 2008

To April Here - You mentioned that some of your classmates almost didn't make it because of family issues. Can you share what they were and how they were resolved? This is ONE of my BIGGEST reasons for my being kicked out of the program. Your advice is appreciated. Thanks

How did they kick you out because of family problems? I don't know the details...just that there were alot of marrital issues...so a couple failed a semester. WHen they returned they just worked extra hard and focused.

beth66335, BSN, RN · Mar 6, 2008

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I have to say IMHO your husband is very selfish! I always support my husband in his endevours and he in mine. That is marriage, you want what the other person wants...to be possible. Being married isn't about possessing that person (and every minute of their time), but sharing your life together..and he obviously doesn't want to share anything!:angryfire I will pray for you, that this will not hinder your progress to your dream....and you will be strong! Hugs!!:heartbeat:heartbeat

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Mar 6, 2008

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I have to say IMHO your husband is very selfish! I always support my husband in his endevours and he in mine. That is marriage, you want what the other person wants...to be possible. Being married isn't about possessing that person (and every minute of their time), but sharing your life together..and he obviously doesn't want to share anything!:angryfire I will pray for you, that this will not hinder your progress to your dream....and you will be strong! Hugs!!:heartbeat:heartbeat

Ahh, but believe me, most family members have no idea what they're in for when they say they'll support someone through nursing school. There's really no other program like it -- except maybe Boot Camp or Med School.

It's understandable that after a couple of semesters when the pressure is really on and their loved one is either studying 24/7 or stressing over clinicals 24/7, they wish they never heard the word "nurse."

JMO.

:twocents:

Jules A, MSN · Mar 7, 2008

Ahh, but believe me, most family members have no idea what they're in for when they say they'll support someone through nursing school. There's really no other program like it -- except maybe Boot Camp or Med School.
It's understandable that after a couple of semesters when the pressure is really on and their loved one is either studying 24/7 or stressing over clinicals 24/7, they wish they never heard the word "nurse."
JMO.

I agree. Fortunately mine wasn't used to me giving him too much attention anyway, lol. It is hard, long and requires that everyone is on board. BTW my dog still gets treated like the King that he is, nursing school isn't bothering his quality of life at all, just mine.

To the OP, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this while trying to study etc. Hang in there and keep working toward your goal. Hugs, Jules

sweetpeanurse · Mar 7, 2008

I feel for you. My relationship is @ that point. I spend all my time in the books also. It has been worst this week since we started the OB rotation with a test over 3 chapters next week in OB.

He c/o never seeing me or even talking to me anymore. But I look @ it this way I have supported him in his job to get where he is. If he can't do the same then he can keep the kids until I get out of school because I have worked my tail off and I will do this with him or without him.

SnoozieQ · Mar 7, 2008

Let me start by saying that I am sorry for anyone having these problems. I too have similar issues. My husband and I hit a real rough patch before nursing school. I have wanted to be a nurse for about ten years. We hit this obstacle and I thought we were over. I decided right then and there, no more waiting for me. If we did split I would need a way to support myself and our two kids. I supported him through his career climbing so it was my turn. I took the NLN, did prereqs, and applied for the following fall. I got into the program and I will be graduating in May 08. We went to therapy together, and did some "work" but we are still together. Our marriage is not where I wish it were but I am hopeful that once school is over we can grow together. BTW he has not been very supportive while I am in school. He never wants to hear me talk about nursing. I am not sure if he is jealous or what. I do know that his idea of support is different than mine. He works hard, cooks, no one cleans lol, I cook too, do lots of laundry that never seems to get folded. I still do every child related thing. He has had to take time off from his job to be home early in the morning to put the kids on the school bus on the days that I have to leave before dawn to get to clinicals. This I am grateful for. My parents have been great support. Even my kids are proud of me. Although, they constantly interrupt me and bother me while I am studying. They don't get it. They should, they are 10 and 14. I remember saying "It's only two years, it seems like a long time now, but you wait, before we know it, it will be over" and it is. I know that if we don't get things back where they should be, I will be ok now. I will be sad, but I know that is temporary and I will survive. Who says there isn't something better out there just waiting for you? I know that we pretty much co-exist right now, and that we have to try to nurish our marriage. It is like a garden it won't grow with out fertilizer ... lol. Good luck all. Snoozie:wink2:

yoginurse2b · Mar 7, 2008

That must be hard for you. Nursing schools is already hard enough, and your husband made it harder for you. Yes, I think he's selfish and there's no reason why your significant other cannot support you in pursuing your dream.

Take care and be strong *hugs*

APBT mom, LPN, RN · Mar 7, 2008

Sure have about anything and everything. It's a weekly thing with us since being in school. He doesn't understand how hard it really is. Tells me why do you even bother going to class for five hours a day when you have to spend six more studying what you learned in class. I was taking other courses before and never studied or had this much work. I told him to get over it and that I'm done with him talking smack about me being in school. He's just as stressed out as I am right now because I quit my job to go to school and he's been the money maker for the last two years. Once schools over it'll get better because some of the stress will come off of him about worrying about bills.