Critique my Cover Letter Please

  1. 0
    hello all!

    I would like to in advance thank you for giving me your honest feedback. Here is my rough draft of my cover letter. Personally i think it might be too much technical information without showing much of my personality. Also i didn't know where i should insert my goal of pursing my BSN in fall 2013. The cover letter will include just the body of the letter.


    Cover Letter:

    I am writing to express my interest in a Staff Nurse position at (Hospital). I am looking for a permanent position within the hospital. I will graduate on December 10th, 2012 and expect to take the NCLEX-RN in January 2013. I learned about the position through (source).
    I have experience in nursing as a nursing assistant and having this experience has influenced and will further influenced my career as nurse. Having the skills of providing basic care for assigned patients has enhanced my time management, and prioritization skills.As well as developing my assessment skills. I also have experience in customer service and being able to adequately help resolve problems. I believe this previous experience will directly benefit the unit as well as the patients.
    I did my clinical practicum at Hospital Name Medical Intensive Care Unit for 6 weeks and at Hospital Name General Surgery Floor for 6 weeks. On both units I became increasingly independent in managing the care of my preceptorís assigned patients. This experience help prepare me in my future role as a nurse. In both settings my preceptors have complimented me on my bedside manner, being emotionallysupportive to patients, and my ability to handle their patient assignments.
    Thank you for taking the time to review and consider my application, I will contact you in the next two weeks to see if you require any additional information regarding my qualifications.
    Last edit by newbieRN724 on Dec 4, '12 : Reason: Fixed format
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  3. 2 Comments so far...

  4. 0
    Quote from studentnurse724
    hello all!

    I would like to in advance thank you for giving me your honest feedback. Here is my rough draft of my cover letter. Personally i think it might be too much technical information without showing much of my personality. Also i didn't know where i should insert my goal of pursing my BSN in fall 2013. The cover letter will include just the body of the letter.


    Cover Letter:

    I am writing to express my interest in a Staff Nurse position at (Hospital). I am looking for a permanent position within the hospital. I will graduate on December 10th, 2012 and expect to take the NCLEX-RN in January 2013. I learned about the position through (source).
    I have experience in nursing as a nursing assistant and having this 1 experience has influenced and will further influenced my career as nurse.2 Having the skills of providing basic care for assigned patients has enhanced my time management, and prioritization skills.3As well as developing my assessment skills. I also have experience in customer service and being able to adequately help resolve problems. I believe this previous experience will directly benefit the unit as well as the patients.
    I 4 did my clinical practicum at Hospital Name Medical Intensive Care Unit for 6 weeks and at Hospital Name General Surgery Floor for 6 weeks. On both units I became increasingly independent in managing the care of my preceptorís assigned patients. This experience 5 help prepare me in my future role as a nurse. In both settings my preceptors have complimented me on my bedside manner, being 6 emotionallysupportive to patients, and my ability to handle their patient assignments.
    Thank you for taking the time to review and consider my application, I will contact you in the next two weeks to see if you require any additional information regarding my qualifications.
    Looks good, but at #1 I'd change experience to opportunity. #2 and #3 can be combined into one sentence "Having the skills of providing basic care for assigned patients has enhanced my time management and prioritization skills, as well as developing my assessment skills. #4 change did to performed. #5 This experience HELPED. #6 space between emotionally and supportive.
    And make sure you put a professional closing (thank you or sincerely) followed by a comma then space 4 times and type your name and title. The space between the closing and your name is provided for your signature if you're handing out hard copies.
  5. 0
    Thank you for your feedback!!!!! I will definitely make those changes!


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