Critique my cover letter! (seriously, rip this baby apart) - page 3

by woahmelly

6,946 Unique Views | 28 Comments

Here's my cover letter that I will be sending to a new grad program. Should I add in anything regarding experiences or use their vision statement or mission at all? It's a 200ish bed christian based not for profit facility so I... Read More


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    There is nothing wrong with offering advice and examples, as it has been pointed out that there are hundreds of resume writing services available. It should not need to be said that the OP needs to take some of the advice presented here and still compose their own piece. If they decide to copy verbatim, that's of their own doing.
    woahmelly likes this.
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    Instead of getting caught up in peripheral issues, we should be ripping apart the cover letter instead. That cover letter better shine shine shine! When I was completing nursing school I applied for a Graduate Nurse Internship type program at a very prestigious hospital. Half of my cohort of 38 applied and we all had degrees in outside fields, some of us even had PhDs in biology and were lawyers. Anyway, only 1 person in my entire cohort was offered a position in this program so I keep asking myself: who are they looking for--the holy reincarnation of Clara or Florence?

    Point is, your cover letter is only only the beginning. The worst is yet to come.

    Read Brenner's theory on novice to expert and put some of her stuff in your letter and interview. That may help.

    Have faith though because getting into these special new grad internship type programs are way harder than getting a regular nursing job, so don't be discouraged.
    woahmelly likes this.
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    Woah. Um, thanks everyone. I wasn't expecting this big or impassioned of a response.

    This isn't the only new grad program I'm applying for. It's all but nigh on impossible to get an RN position without a formal new grad program in my state. I was always planning on rewriting it in my own style and utilizing tips I gained here. I appreciate it. The last job I applied for was a PCT positon (and before that, retail) so a cover letter was not even necessary. I'm starting from scratch.

    Again, I appreciate all of the constructive criticism. I'm glad that this post is proving helpful to others. When I re-write it I'll be sure to post it again.
    Last edit by woahmelly on Mar 29, '12 : Reason: spelling is hard
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    replied wrong.
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    Quote from Patti_RN
    WHOA everybody!!! Yes, you're trying to help, but when a person applies to a grad program (or even an undergrad program, or any other academic, professional, or even volunteer position) the whole point of a cover letter and essay is for the applicant to write HIS OR HER OWN LETTER!

    It is not OK to edit, to give feedback, or otherwise comment on a person's writing that is to be submitted to help a committee select an applicant. Very general suggestions may be acceptable, but nothing applicant specific (a general rule of thumb is to give the same type of advice the applicant could get from a 'how to' book). The whole point of these essays is

    I've been on the other side of the business world and have hired and managed employees. We trust that the words, phrases, grammar, and message of letters and essays is the work of the applicant, not the writing or edits of their mother, friend, colleague or neighbor.

    I applaud you, woahmelly, for seeking advice and wanting to make a great impression. And, I applaud all those who want to help. But, this really should be YOUR work.

    This was always intended as an exercise in advice. I would never, never consider any revisions or advice someone offered me as the only way to write this. I posted because I honestly have no idea how to write an effective cover letter and the community here at allnurses is full of experienced, intelligent, mindful people of who I would be honored to take their advice. Nor would I ever consider plagiarizing someone else's words.

    I appreciate your concern and return it with my honesty and integrity.
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    Coming in after several replies, and I haven't read them all so my opinion isn't skewed, LOL. My thought is that the letter seems to cover a lot of what your resume probably does, in regards to your certifications, qualifications and such. What are you saying differently here that your resume doesn't? That's just my 2 pennies =)
    woahmelly likes this.
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    It would be really cute, and at the same time really uncute if your potential hiring manager has read this thread.

    But, . . .there is some awesome advice.
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    I'm not even in nursing school yet (waiting for my decision letter), but this thread has some awesome advice. I'll be bookmarking this one!
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    Well this is rather off subject and somewhat relevant, at the least it will make you say "What?".

    As a newly graduated LVN I decided to put a resume on Monster. Okay, no big deal there right? Wrong! My resume was written without the letter B. My keyboard was broken and rather than waiting to buy a new one, I eagerly posted a very creatively written resume. You might think this was a very bad thing to have done but I received quite a few responses to that resume. I even received a telephone interview from a recruiter who was intrigued and amused by it. Sometimes even a badly written resume can get a positive response. Just so you know, I would not do that again.
    woahmelly likes this.


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