Too Many Sad Days

  1. 1
    What a sad day August 21,2011 the day I messed my life up. I will begin my story with a short back ground of my nursing profession. I received my RN license 2004 which was the happiest day of my life. I was only on the floor for a short time and was asked to precept then before I knew it I was a charge nurse lead. I LOVED my job. Taking care of patients is my passion.

    I was under a excessive amount of emotional stress related to my family. I will not get into details but from Feb. 2011- May 2011 I almost lost my husband due to heart problems. Once he was stable from June 2011-Aug. 2011 a similar situation took place with my mother and her heart. during this entire time I continued to work and work overtime since the hospital was short staffed.

    Not realizing how stressed I was (nurses think they are super human) for some reason I took a lap top computer from a patient towards the end of my shift. I left went to meet my family at a restaurant and became aware of what I did. I returned it that same night. I was called into human resources the following day and terminated.

    The patient did not press charges, but State Board of Nursing put it to me. Suspension pending a psychological evaluation. I completed it and the psychologist stated I did not have a problem with stealing but with stress and how to handle it. Recommend I seek 12 sessions of counseling which I completed and continue to see her (just for my own personal reasons). I have been on probation for over one year and remain on until I work 12 months as an RN supervised.

    I have applied over 100-200 jobs and no bites. I have received the Daisy Award and multiple awards in regards to my passion, honesty, trustworthy and so on. This was a freak occurrence and I pay for it every day of my life. I am truly sorry for this happening to my license but in a way I am glad it happened because the counseling has opened my eyes to a whole improved me. I know trust is one of the ultimate requirements of being an RN and I am genuinely a honest person but paying dearly. Every day of my life since the incident I am heart broken by what I did. Not just as a RN but as a person. This catch 22 is driving me crazy. My investigator says I should be able to locate a job but I have had no luck. I am thinking about calling one of my congressmen and seeing if there is any thing he can do for me. We have a state board meeting this month and I plan on attending with reference letters, all my job applications and what ever else I can figure out that might help my case. It was not until recently that I could even say I stole something with out braking down. this has affected me terribly and I need an out.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my story and I am sure there are many out there that are going through a similar situation and my heart goes out to you.

    Sincerely,

    sweet.pea
    Last edit by Joe V on Sep 4, '13
    Joe V likes this.
  2. Poll: what can i do

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  3. 9 Comments so far...

  4. 0
    Did you actually steal the laptop, and then feel guilty and return it, or was it just an accident? It sounds like you're doing all the right things!
  5. 0
    Welcome to An! The largest online nursing community!

    I am so sorry you are going through this....the job market stinks for even the BEST candidate....((HUGS))
  6. 0
    Moved to the Criminal History forum for more targeted responses.
  7. 4
    Quote from sweet.pea
    What a sad day August 21,2011 the day I messed my life up. I will begin my story with a short back ground of my nursing profession. I received my RN license 2004 which was the happiest day of my life. I was only on the floor for a short time and was asked to precept then before I knew it I was a charge nurse lead. I LOVED my job. Taking care of patients is my passion.

    I was under a excessive amount of emotional stress related to my family. I will not get into details but from Feb. 2011- May 2011 I almost lost my husband due to heart problems. Once he was stable from June 2011-Aug. 2011 a similar situation took place with my mother and her heart. during this entire time I continued to work and work overtime since the hospital was short staffed.

    Not realizing how stressed I was (nurses think they are super human) for some reason I took a lap top computer from a patient towards the end of my shift. I left went to meet my family at a restaurant and became aware of what I did. I returned it that same night. I was called into human resources the following day and terminated.

    The patient did not press charges, but State Board of Nursing put it to me. Suspension pending a psychological evaluation. I completed it and the psychologist stated I did not have a problem with stealing but with stress and how to handle it. Recommend I seek 12 sessions of counseling which I completed and continue to see her (just for my own personal reasons). I have been on probation for over one year and remain on until I work 12 months as an RN supervised.

    I have applied over 100-200 jobs and no bites. I have received the Daisy Award and multiple awards in regards to my passion, honesty, trustworthy and so on. This was a freak occurrence and I pay for it every day of my life. I am truly sorry for this happening to my license but in a way I am glad it happened because the counseling has opened my eyes to a whole improved me. I know trust is one of the ultimate requirements of being an RN and I am genuinely a honest person but paying dearly. Every day of my life since the incident I am heart broken by what I did. Not just as a RN but as a person. This catch 22 is driving me crazy. My investigator says I should be able to locate a job but I have had no luck. I am thinking about calling one of my congressmen and seeing if there is any thing he can do for me. We have a state board meeting this month and I plan on attending with reference letters, all my job applications and what ever else I can figure out that might help my case. It was not until recently that I could even say I stole something with out braking down. this has affected me terribly and I need an out.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my story and I am sure there are many out there that are going through a similar situation and my heart goes out to you.

    Sincerely,

    sweet.pea
    Honestly, you seem to be focusing on your own feelings and not taking any real responsibility for the bad decision you made.
    "This was a freak occurrence..."
    "I am truly sorry for this happening to my license..."
    You almost make it sound like an earthquake or a flood instead of something you willfully did.
    Assuming this is genuine, what I would expect to see in a repentant person is an effort to reach out and help others. All you talk about in this post is helping and feeling sorry for yourself. You even talk about winning an award for honesty. I'm baffled.
    poppycat, HouTx, LL143KnB, and 1 other like this.
  8. 1
    I guess everyone deals with stress differently, but I don't understand taking patient's property. Was this an accident or did you consciously take the computer? I do wish you luck finding a job. From what I have read from other posters it is a catch 22 trying to get someone to hire you with stipulations on your license for the probationary period of supervision needed to clear them.
    LL143KnB likes this.
  9. 0
    Hello HisKids37,
    At the time it was like my mind could not take anymore and I guess I took it. I do not know if any one knows the remorse that I feel. I go every day with the guilt and it has been over 2 years and multiple counseling sessions. I do not think I will ever get over this. I am a honest, trustworthily and passionate about everyone and everything in life. Whether I can practice as a RN or not this will never leave my subconscious. I would love a second chance as an RN because I have learned so much about my self through counseling and I know how to deal with stress especially the situations that are uncontrollable. Thanks for responding sweet.pea
  10. 0
    Hello spurs21550,
    The problem was I was not aware that I was under stress until the incident took place. I have been able to assist several elderly in volunteering to clean their house or take them shopping which has made me feel like I am still contributing to my passion of caring for people.
  11. 0
    Hello [COLOR=#003366]Pangea Reunited[/COLOR],
    I have taken full responsibilities for every thing I do in life and I am sorry you have taken my post in the wrong context. I was trying to get my story across in as much detail as possible. To me it was like an earthquake or a flood because it was like I snapped and did not realize what I did until it was done. I am not asking for a pity party I was expressing my inner most feelings for the first time since the incident happened. I am repenting through volunteering with some elderly individuals I know. I am also volunteering with the Red Cross and Big Brother and Big Sister. I mentioned the daisy award because up until the incident I could say I was an honest person which I still am. Please don't judge me on my post I was just venting for the first time since the incident happened. I have come to this web site many times and read several posts and I have always been ashamed of what I did but this is my first step into recovering from my mistake and I have learned a great deal form it. One other thing I am not feeling sorry for my self I feel sorry for the person that I took the computer from because that individual put their trust in the nursing staff and I broke that trust. I hope this explains things better and you have a better understanding of what my post was all about.
  12. 0
    Hello Esmel12,
    Thank you for the inspirational quotes.


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