You Know You're a Nurse When...

I hear that's a good way to get out of a ticket!

I used to do this, except in the AZ heat it put a kink in my stethascope!!
Got to love our sun
Andy

A nurse is someone who can sit at the dinner table and discuss the wound they were dressing or the results of the enema they gave that day and have no idea why her/his family is turning green!

My husband asked me why it is that I can talk about all types of gross stuff during dinner, but can't stand movies where people are shot or murdered....?? It's just different!!

Geez, seems like I have only scratched the surface on this topic lol!!!! Keep 'em coming lol.

Nick

A parent who is a nurse will hear her child cry out in pain & ask the following questions:

Is there blood? Can you see the bone? If yes go to:

How much?

If no: You'll live then.

These are great!

You might be a nurse if:
1. you can't never remember the last time you pee'd.
2. You can eat a salad while balancing a coffee while you walk.
3. You don't answer the phone until after you've ascertained that it is not work calling to ask you to come it after just pulling a double.
4. If said call is picked up, you often cave in and work.
5. you unconsciously assess your friends and family.
6. you only go to the doctor if you're half dead, and usually tell him what med and test you need .

I don't know if anyone can relate, but this is ME

We encourage people to cough up luggies and to pee!
We act as if we have hit the lottery if we see urine from a foley and blood from an IV site.
We can eat while discussing urine, stool, GI Bleed smells, ostomy sites, rectal tubes, etc.
NOTHING short of cardiac arrest, is a true emergency.

These are some of hte favs from the ER that I work at:

-Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal
-You like to spend the holidays with your friends at work.
-You believe that a good tape job will fix anything.
-Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change.
-You believe in a serial spraying of Prozac.
-You encourage an obxious patient to sign himself out so you don't have to deal with him.
-Your diet consists of foods that have gone through more processing than most computers.
-You say to yourself "Great veins" as you pass by perfect strangers.
-You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...doing it right."
-You believe that "stupid" should be a diagnosis.
-You think caffiene should come in IV form.
-You enjoy restraining someone, and it is not for sex.
-Your bladder expands to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
-Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
-You get an irrestiable urge to wolf down your food in less than 3 minutes, even when you are at a nice restaurant.
-You have referred to subcutaneous emphysema air as "Rice Krispies".
-You've held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and remarked "There's only going to be a little pain-this will only hurt for a second."
-You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.
-Your life motto is "If it is wet, sticky and not yours, don't touch it."
-You've sworn that you are going to have "No Code" tattoed to your chest.
-Your family members have a fever of 105, a dismemberment of a limb and active vleeding before you give them any sympathy.
-You believe every patient needs TLC: thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine
-You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light
-You have a tendency to laugh at your patients "big" problem
-Your sense of humor seems more "warped" each year
-You think pizza, cookies, and a coke make a balanced meal
-You believe that saying "It can't get worse: causes it to get worse just to show you it can (Same lines of never say "quiet, not busy or, God forbid, SLOW")
-You have ever wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder (And considered it your break)
-You have a recurring nightmare of being hit & run over by the portable x-ray machine
-You have ever had a patient say, "I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant! I can't be having a baby!" (While looking at their ultrasound showing them to be 39.4 weeks pregnant and having a contraction!!)
-You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level (we call it 'alco-lotto at our emerg)
-You believe the ER waiting room should have a Valium salt lick
-You know it's a full moon without looking at the sky
-You have ever had to deal with someone who thinks being constipated for 4 hrs is an emergency
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley....
-You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious
-You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.....
-You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse
-Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you
-You can intubate your friends at parties
-You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own
-You live by the motto, " to be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
-You've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe
-You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help
-Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal
-You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during break, sitting up and not be embarrsased when you wake up
-You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off