What are some of the most ridiculous things patients have asked of you?

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what are some of the most ridiculous or outrageous things patients have asked of you? i am nurse one of two nurses with 4 patients the other night in delivery. place was hopping. i answered the light of one of the other nurses patients, who was a very immature primip (married), whom we were certain, at some point, due to her clinical picture, was going to be a c/s. she wanted to make certain i knew how to detach her from the monitor and help her to the bathroom. no problem. however, not two minutes after i had left the room, she rang again and began yelling. her nurse was busy (did i mention we had 3 other patients in active labor?) so i went in, expecting some sort of major problem. she asked me to scratch her ass...in those words, exactly...i was taken aback and she had to have noticed my facial expression as she quickly countered that she couldn't reach and her husband, who was wide awake next to her, didn't want to do it....i am ashamed to say that i did put on some gloves and not too willingly scratched it, but when she insisted we start wiping her after trips to the bathroom, i just had to ask how she had managed to reach herself all the months leading up to her current admission. she was also ruptured so there was no way....she was a real trip....i have also had patients ask that we pop zits and in my cardiac unit days, some of the requests from patients are just too risque to repeat, but never had i had such wacky requests on a regular basis, until i transferred to ob...how about all of you?

babyRn you should have told her"Let me go check the MAR and see if it is time to scratch your a**!"

I once had an elderly lady ask me not to let the rude nurse in to her room anymore as she was not letting her sleep. When I ask her which rude nurse she was talking about she said the one wearing the pink jacket . She was talking about ME! I had removed my jacket and she didnt recognize me without it I guess. I promised her I wouldnt let her in anymore , that I would be her nurse from now on and she thanked me for it! Am i bad?

Specializes in M/S, Onc, PCU, ER, ICU, Nsg Sup., Neuro.

Way back when while still in nursing school and doing my OB-GYN rotation I had 2 questions asked by new expectant fathers in back to back weeks. The first guy asked me if him and his wife could still have sex during pregnancy and while I was explaining the answer he asked me if he did have sex, would he then hit the baby in the head with his member. I told him unless his equipment extended below his knee I didn't think so. The second guy on a similar vein asked if the baby would reach down and grab his member during sex, I almost answered only if he was "Gay" but didn't want to offend him or get into trouble. Also while doing postpartum care on a brand new mother I was teaching the parents about "sponge bathing " their baby and he started running out of the room telling his wife he had seen a sale at K-Mart on sponges. I had to catch him and explain sponge bath was only a term meaning no tub bath. I was also the hit of a breast-feeding class I taught by blowing up 2 balloons while holding the tips to make nipples and taping them under my lab coat, while bringing in a baby doll to demonstrate technique-being male it was the only way I was comfortable teaching the class. Have a good day all....Paul:D :roll :D

Why do guys always think "no Sex"....WTF??

But Paul, what does being gay have to do with it???

I worked with a RN who had a visitor, who was in a wheelchair but could get out of it and walk around, ask to use the bedside commode in the ICU, she explained she would have to use the visitor bathroom. The lady got mad and proceded to take a dump in her pants. She then told the nurse to clean her up, the nurse called a cab and sent her home. Her husband who was on a vent was not weanable, I think he just did not want off because of his wife.

Another time I got a call from a nurse I worked with telling me everyone was being mean to her, like i cared. She then told me she was on the psych floor and I should help her, so I kindly called the Super to let her know. It turned out the nurse was a patient, and I was the only person she felt she could trust. Everyone esle thinks I drove her nuts, I only worked with her a couple times.

I am an office nurse and some of the reasons why patients are late just crack me up, but this one just happened so I will share it.

The other day a lady comes in at 3:15 pm. She was suppose to have an appointment at 1:30pm. The crazy thing was that she was suppose to have a 1:30 appointment but it didn't get into the computer so the front office comes and asks if she can be seen. My first question was if her appointment was for 1:30 why was she there at 3:15?. oh she forgot. Well, my answer was no.

They go and tell the patient and come back and say she has been waiting for three months to get into see the doctor. They didn't know that she requested that we scheduled the appointment three months out because she was going to germany. My answer again was no.

It amazes me how people just think that they can come at any time and demand to be seen.

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

About three years ago, I was being prepared for a urethral stirrup. The nurse performing the procedure read the doctor's prders, "total prep"

Hospital protocol was to use an electric razor. I'm very goosy in my pubic area, so when the vibrating electric razor made contact, I began to howl and hoot, unable to control the laughter.:chuckle

I apologized to her while holding onto the stretcher railing:imbar and tried as hard as I could to not laugh, but to no avail.

When she completed the task, she told me it was a good thing she wasn't using a non electric razor.:rolleyes:

The rest of the staff enjoyed the show immensly.:roll :roll

Originally posted by john privett

I was once digitally disimpacting an elderly lady. After finding a baseball sized lower rectal obstruction and trying my darndest to dislodge said obstruction, it soon became appearant to me that I was going to need more than one digit to get the job done. Nonchalantly, I nudged in first one more digit and then a second and finally started getting the upper hand on the problem. My patient soon started yelling out my name, "Johnny, Johnny!" "Hold on." I reassured her, "I'm almost there." Suddenly she reached back and grabbed my arm in a death grip and asked, "Could you at least tell me that you love me Johnny?"

bwaaa haaaa haaa!!!!! :chuckle :roll

Originally posted by mother/babyRN

I just had a patient ( or actually, some lady) call and ask us if she was pregnant. We ask the appropriate questions and she asks if there is a way to tell who is the father. We keep giving info and asking questions and SHE hangs up because WE are too nosy...Hello! SHE called US!

This reminds me of a patient from Urgent Care. A supposed virgin, she had a positive hcg. She was something like 13 or 14, so when I went to tell her the results I was trying to be gentle. She was very upset, going on and on, and for some reason I asked her if she knew who the father was. She immediately stopped crying and said, "No. Who?"

So difficult not to laugh.:uhoh3:

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Hi Nurseizzy.

What a hilarious experience you had!:roll

How did you ever keep your cool?:chuckle Well now we know what that lady was used to. :eek:

Cheers!

ONe night, we had a pt in his late thirties, s/p MVA on the floor, whose nurse asked if he wated anything. He says "sure, a brunette" So his nurse thinks it would be funny if I walked into the room and said "So, you asked for a brunette." So, its 3am, I think it would be funny too, go back, drop the line, the guy gets a bit fl;ustered, we tell him its a joke and walk out. Just before shift change, the guy comes to the station and under his breath lets me know that he does have a private room and could use a massage, also, did I have a boyfriend?

Lets just say I haven't done anything like that again!! :imbar

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:chuckle Hi there Legsmalone,

It sounds like that little remark backfired on you bigtime.:imbar Did you get teased about it?

Years ago, a co-worker and I were teasing an elderly man who shuffled when he walked. We were sure he was unable to do very much, so we were joking around with him while taking care of another resident.

He yelled for us to turn around:imbar and to our great surprise, even though he couldn't walk very well, :eek: we saw there was nothing wrong with his U NO WHAT!;)

Originally posted by mother/babyRN

She asked me to scratch her ass...In those words, exactly...I was taken aback and she had to have noticed my facial expression as she quickly countered that she couldn't reach and her husband, who was wide awake next to her, didn't want to do it....I am ashamed to say that I did put on some gloves and not too willingly scratched it

LMAO!!!!!!!!!lachen003.gif

I just can't believe she asked you to do that! (and you did it! LOL!)

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