Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Amethyst19 · Nov 20, 2007

Greensister keep writing!!!! Love your stories!!! Hope you are published soon, till then I will be looking out for more of your stories.

Jessiedog, RN · Nov 21, 2007

peridotgirl said:

WOW!, interesting story., I hope the mother and her baby were okay after that incident. I know I would be scared if I saw the the same thing. I was wondering though as I read your story, what's NOF? I looked it up on the internet, but I still couldn't figure it out.

LOL! Sorry! Australian abbreviation!! N.O.F. is short for Neck Of Femur, meaning fractured neck of femur! :idea: This poor old man had two NOF's, one each side within 8 weeks, thus causing his confusion to worsen. We have a saying that if they're not confused when they arrive on the ward, they will be within 3 days. The shock of injury, tons of drugs needed, the trauma of surgery and the total disruption to any normal life routine these elderly people have developed, mean that some level of confusion is experienced in 70% of those treated for this injury.

Most of my funny stories revolve around working on this ward, with the mixture of paediatrics and orthopoedics.

Jessiedog, RN · Nov 21, 2007

Hi!! just thought of another one that brings tears to my eyes (both pain & laughter)

Came on 7am & got patient handover. One of ournew admissions, a 70 yer old man, was scheduled for surgery that morning, to remove a foreign body. Nothing unusual, until you examined what the 'foreign body' was: a bottle of "Morning Fresh" dishwashing detergent. (for those who don't know, it's a 1litre bottle, about the size of a plastic milk bottle, but without the skinny bit at the top!)

The place it needed to be removed from??? You got it - our gentleman's rectum. The story from ER was that he had been up a ladder washing the lights in his house, when he fell, and 'landed' on the bottle. Uh Huh. As you do. :rolleyes: The bottle was inserted so far that on XRay it protruded above the ilium, and he was in severe danger of a rupture of the rectum. There had been several unsuccessful attemps to remove it in ER, but the verdict was that he needed a general anaesthetic.

Surgery performed, the gent discharged himself 30 mins after returning to the ward. By this time he'd given up the pretense of 'falling' onto the bottle, and was more concerned with getting home before his family found out he'd been in hospital, and explanations were needed........

Daywalker · Nov 21, 2007

Jessiedog said:

Hi!! just thought of another one that brings tears to my eyes (both pain & laughter)
Came on 7am & got patient handover. One of ournew admissions, a 70 yer old man, was scheduled for surgery that morning, to remove a foreign body. Nothing unusual, until you examined what the 'foreign body' was: a bottle of "Morning Fresh" dishwashing detergent. (for those who don't know, it's a 1litre bottle, about the size of a plastic milk bottle, but without the skinny bit at the top!)

The place it needed to be removed from??? You got it - our gentleman's rectum. The story from ER was that he had been up a ladder washing the lights in his house, when he fell, and 'landed' on the bottle. Uh Huh. As you do. The bottle was inserted so far that on XRay it protruded above the ilium, and he was in severe danger of a rupture of the rectum. There had been several unsuccessful attemps to remove it in ER, but the verdict was that he needed a general anaesthetic.

Surgery performed, the gent discharged himself 30 mins after returning to the ward. By this time he'd given up the pretense of 'falling' onto the bottle, and was more concerned with getting home before his family found out he'd been in hospital, and explanations were needed........

I always wonder what these people are doing going around naked all the time, since it's not like these things can get in there through clothes. How dumb do they think we are ?? :nono:

nitenurse02 · Nov 23, 2007

okay one more.

one night after a horrible code (many things went wrong that time). we had a confused pt decide she was not going back to bed. she was leaving. i was working with two good friends that night kathy and brian. (brian had floated from another floor.) kathy and i were walking the confused lady up and down the hall. she was yelling and screaming and trying to walk into other rooms. we were closing doors and blocking doorways, at one such door we explained that she couldn't enter this room for there were two men in there trying to sleep. her response without missing a beat was "well, i like men!!" finally, brian was able to call the doc and we were again going up and down the hallway. this time after 1mg of ativan iv. needless to say, we were one on each side of her and she was doing ok. after a while, as the ativan really started to work, she was high-stepping trying to fight the medication. as we got to her room once again she didn't want to go to bed and we gave haldol im. she was still fighting us but the meds were really starting to overpower her. we had her near the bed and this time it was brian who was holding her up. she was facing him and was trying to push me away. as she reached up to touch the sleeve of his shirt i realized what was happening. brian didn't but motioned me to step back, so i decided to watch the show. sure enough, as soon as i was behind her, she attempted to undress the nice man in front of her. the look on brian's face was well worth it. at that point we put her in the bed and another dose of haldol was given. from then on we had to take turns to sit with her. constantly trying to keep her in bed. as one would get caught up on her stuff, we would switch. i ended up with the last watch. as one day nurse came in to give her med, she took it just fine (wouldn't for me 30 min earlier but oh well). as that nurse left she again tried to climb out of bed. she stated "i need to get my medicine." what medicine you ask (like i did)? "my pregnancy pill." she was 85 and well past the change. as the other day shift nurse came to give her the next pill (just ordered by doc), she tried to fight her off. after the pill was finally given, she sighed loudly and stated "i just wanted to take a nap!" i was glad when that night was finally over!!! :lol2:

Jessiedog, RN · Nov 24, 2007

Ha! Me again! Guess I've got too much time on my hands. Anyway....... It was the wee small hours of the morning, and I was on night shift, one of those very rare nights when we actually got to sit at the desk and have a meal instead of running frantically. I was feeling nice a relaxed, and not at all inclined to do any work. How many of you know that a quiet night shift can be almost as bad as a busy one?? At least if you're busy, the adrenaline keeps you awake. Anyway, a bell started ringing, and I glanced around at my colleagues. The looked blankly at me, and I knew it was up to me to answer. I was two steps away when it rang again, and again, and again. Obviously whoever was awake needed a nurse in a hurry, so I shook of the lethargy and trotted off along the hallway. On entering the two-bed room with the tell-tale light above the doorway, I glanced quickly around to check who was ringing, and whether there was any obvious problem. I could see none, so I shone my torch on the floor to give light without blinding the patients, and stepped up to the bed. "What can I do for you?" I asked. There was enough glow from my torch to see that the elderly lady was glaring at me indignantly. I kept my pleasant expression and waited for her reply. "This bed's WET" she stated loudly. Unsure whether she meant that she'd spilled a glass of water, or had been incontinent, I replied. "Oh, well, we'd better fix that. Do you think you could sit in the chair while I change it for you?" With a glare that told me how much I was imposing on her, she pulled back the blankets. My question as to the cause of the 'wet' was answered as the familiar smell of warm stale urine wafted up. I assisted Mary to the chair as she protested "I don't know who did it, but it's disgusting!!" Trying to hide a smile, I reassured her that it would soon be dry again. This did not pacify her. "It wasn't me!" she insisted. By now I knew that she had a certain amount of confusion, and did not argue for fear of escalating Mary's anger and distress. Placing my torch on the bedside table, shining against the roof I left the room, and came back with a linen skip and fresh linen. I was greeted by a "What took you so long?" and again refused to rise to the bait as I stepped around the other side of the bed to begin stripping it. to my surprise, there was somebody laying on the floor beside the bed. I quickly bent down, and discovered an elderly male, laying on his side, soundlessly clutching is left hip. Forgetting Mary for the moment, I called to alert my colleagues who were continuing to relax at the desk. Realising that this was not a job that could be done by torchlight, I turned on the room lights, and began to get a clearer picture of what had happened. This two-bed room was not a female room, as I had first thought; the female two-bed room was across the hall, and, on inspection, one of the beds was vacant. The male occupying one bed in this room, with his room-mate on the floor and the confused lady impatiently waiting for me to fix 'her' bed finally gave me the clue as to what happened. I escorted Mary back to her bed while my colleagues began a 'mop-up' excercise. On questioning, I found that Mary had gotten up to use the toilet. On returning to 'her' bed she discovered that there was somebody in it! Not at all impressed with this, she pushed and shoved until he rolled off the bed, and promptly jumped in herself. Her disgust was complete when she realised that the strange man had wet the bed, and she was sitting in it!! Finding the buzzer, she pressed it repeatedly for help. We got everyone settled, the bed cleaned, and the gentleman, Tom, re-established in his rightful bed. As procedure required, we called the RMO to assess him. An X-Ray showed that he had sustained a # neck of femur when he was ignominiously ousted! I was SO grateful that I would not have to explain to Tom's family about why they needed to sign a consent form for surgery to repair his fracture! (Well, you see, there was this confused lady, who needed to use the toilet, then she got lost and went to the wrong bed......)

Ms Kylee · Nov 29, 2007

My Grandmother worked Med Surg on the same unit for 40 odd years. She shared a lot of funny stories with me both about patients and while she was a student nurse and the things that went on in the nurse's home (Back then you had to live in the nurse's home near the hospital, you could live at home with your family).

One day one of the doctors came on the floor, looked at his patient's chart, closed it, and looked at Grandma. Then he opened the chart back up and pointed to her entry: "Patient is SOB". Then he closed the chart again and said to her "XXXXX, you know it and I know it, but did you have to chart that he was a Son of a *****".

ERnurse911 · Nov 29, 2007

I had an elderly lady in the ER one night and had to give her tylenol, I sat her up in bed and with a cup of water in my hand said, "Ms. Smith lets wet your whistle first", as her mouth was dry. She sipped the water and I placed the pills in her mouth. She began to fumble the pills in her mouth. I said, "Ms.Smith are you having trouble swallowing the pills?", she said no, "I CANT WHISTLE".

Grayeagle · Dec 2, 2007

Got an elderly gentleman very far into end stage Alzheimers. Rare to hear him say any coherent sentence, he's been declining steadily since I began working here.

Kneeling at his wheelchair, I had his crushed meds in applesauce for him, and he looked at my name tag ... read my name out loud, then asked what does 'LPN' stand for, Licensed Public Nuisance?'

Then he smiled.

I replied 'You're exactly right!' and just broke up laughing ..it was priceless.

-Frank

nikki_nurse · Dec 3, 2007

These are priceless. I've been reading them on and off for the past 4 days. It was a good break in between studying.

becca47 · Dec 4, 2007

I had just moved here to OKC area as an agency LPN. my first assignment was in a nursing home. I was told I needed to get a cath UA and the last 3 shifts was unable to get it. I went in the room with 2 assisting me because the pt is uncooperative and fights. So, thye were holding her legs apart as i was swabing with the betadine (you know the procedure) the patient said, "that was a good [word for female genitalia] til you gone and done that. I have never forgot that. That was in 1991.

Shantas · Dec 4, 2007

Today I had my first day of orientation in a psych hospital. We had this 8 yrs old boy, he was there beacause he had problems with anger management and he has tempertantrum, he was throwing chairs at home when he got mad.

So during a group the facilitator asked him.." Joe why did you come here?: He replies "I got mad and threw a chair". The facilitator ask "What could you have done differently when you got mad"....Joe goes..."well I threw a chair, parhaps I could have thrown a table instead"...... :lol2: