Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

traumamomtx · Oct 28, 2005

I work trauma/medsurg but basically trauma so we get all the MVC's, GSW's, Stabs all the good stuff :rotfl: ....Anyway, I work the nightshift and I was walking past a pt's room one night and he had stuck his head through the siderail with an aspen collar on, 4 pt restraints, and couldn't get out. After everyone came to the room to see how he managed to do this we had to leave 1 by1 to LAUGH!!!!!! Needless to say it did take us a little while to figure out how to get his head back out of the railing.

farmerrl · Nov 2, 2005

We recently had a young man in our icu that went on a trip with some of his friends. They decided to catch a rattle snake. they took it home got a little toasty and decided it would be cool to play with the rattle snake. You can guess what happened. So when he got bitten he of course came to the hospital. He said he couldn't understand why this was happening to him and complained that it hurt really bad. I laughed for an entire night, everytime I walked by his room and thought about how stupid someone must be to play with a rattlesnake!:wink2:

farmerrl · Nov 2, 2005

Sue7573 said:

speaking of pt's farting. I have always held pride in the fact that I can hold my composure when something like that happens for the sake of the pt. One morning I was changing a really big man, that could not roll himself I was log rolling him and had his brief ready and moved in to make the change as fast as I could (for his comfort) I was leaning in to wash him up in the same motion I was log rolling him which put my face only inches away from his bottom by the time he got on his side. I know that he didn't mean too but he let one rip, and I felt the air on my face and It surprised me, and that particular gust was one of the foulest and before I knew I had said "wheeww oh my lawd, bud". He started laughing and pooting everytime he pooted he laughed harder and on the circle went till the two of us was crying from laughing so hard. He and I both apologized at the same time, and got our composure back. He will still get tickeled when he sees me in the hall or something.

That happens so often it really sucks when splatter happens though!:rotfl:

Sapphy, BSN, RN · Nov 12, 2005

OMG I just has one of these the other night!! The whole incident started out funny and just got worse from there. The RNT's were doing HS care on their pts and one of them sees me and calls down the hall and says Hey can you grab some gloves and the surgical glue?? Knowing what she meant I grabbed the surgi LUBE and headed down the hall. The pt's roommate says to me as I walk in, I don't know what you're doing in there with the surgical glue but leave me out of it lol... we got a good laugh out of it and I headed into the bathroom where this poor 93 yr old woman just cannot go. Well I got that all taken care of and left the RNT to finish cleaning her up. A few minutes later the RNT comes out and pulls me aside and says "all her stuff is hanging out could you come look." SO, I figured she had a prolapsed rectum and went to take a look. Well, I ama new grad and I have not seen everything yet... when I went and looked there was this large bulbous thing...from the back, it almost looked like her peri area was rupturing. So I immediately went and grabbed an older more experienced nurse. Ok so it turns out it was her uterus that was prolapsed... looked like she was giving birth lol.... The older nurse says but it was a nice pink color with no drainage or anything...the RNT busts out laughing... "That's because I scrubbed it!" OMG we laughed until we were in tears... this woman now has the world's cleanest uterus!!

And I still threaten the roommate with surgical GLUE regularly lolol

TreeSawRN · Nov 12, 2005

Dear Sapphy:

I remember the first time I saw a prolapsed uterus like that too. It's pretty scary. I thought the woman's "innerds" were gonna fall out and I wondered if I should be shoving something back in, or calling a doctor. :coollook:

I've seen some pretty scary hemorrhoids too. But that could probably start a whole new thread:rotfl:

TreeSawRN

HappyJaxRN · Nov 12, 2005

As a nurse, I would have to say one of my funniest moments was when I went in to check on one of my patients and he was talking to someone on the phone. He was encephlopathic (very confused) and highly aggitated. Someone had to sneak behind him and give him a shot of Haldol. He was swinging at us and putting the staff and himself in danger. BUT before that happened, he was on the phone. I was trying to talk to him. He wouldn't listen to me and finally handed me the phone and said, "THEY want to talk to you."

I looked at him and said, "Who is this?"

"I don't know who she is. She didn't tell me her name. I called the Police." He had a very straight face.

I took the phone in shock and said, "The police?"

The dispatcher asked me if I was his nurse and if he was okay. She said that the called 9-1-1 and told her that we were trying to kill him. I was in shock and didn't know what to say immediately but then told her that he was confused and that he's fine. I apologized for the call. I had to laugh at that one. I had always heard about pts calling the police...never thought it would happen to me! :chuckle

ds23 · Nov 23, 2005

i work in a ltc facility and i had this adorable resident, she was a tiny southern belle who loved her candy....well her son had brought her in a huge easter basket, she ate some before going to be that night and we put the rest in her dresser. low and behold when i was making rounds later that night she must have decided she wanted more candy and took her gown off to avoid having her personal alarm set off and there she stood as naked as can be by her dresser stuffing her face full of easter candy..it took everything i had not to laugh out loud in fear of scaring her.....

another time she and her roomate were sitting by the nurses station one evening and they both had sticks coming out of their mouths, i walked over to ask were they had found the suckers at, and they each pulled out a toothette with a priceless confused face and said "on the desk honey, but you know this sucker doesn't taste so good":rotfl: it was so cute......i guess you can be addicted to candy at any age

girlnurse83 · Nov 26, 2005

Sue7573 said:

From Administration Approved by Board of Directors
RE: New Policy Effective Immediately

DRESS CODE: You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAY: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early

BATHROOM BREAKS: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board unter the "Chronic offender's category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim-fast.

Thankyou for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insiuations, allegations, accuasations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Management

Loved it!! Especially the part about the bathroom breaks:chuckle :chuckle

HappyJaxRN · Nov 26, 2005

I was taking care of this little skinny guy. He was a hoot. I was flushing his corpak (type of NG tube - but it surpasses his stomach and connects to his small intestines). Anyway, we're supposed to flush it Q4H with 60ml of sterile water. I had to do it more frequently because the line was slowly occluding making it impossible to use.

I wasn't a nurse but maybe about a couple of months when this happened. I was confident in what I was doing. I had to use a smaller cc syringe for more pressure because this dern thing wasn't budging when I went to flush it. I had to go and get some pepsi (any soda will do) and used that to flush the line.

I filled the 12cc syringe with pepsi, opened the port, put the syringe in and pushed the plunger down as the pepsi was fighting to flush the line. But because I didn't have my finger over the other port (the one you normally use for flushing), the pepsi followed the path of least resistance and flew out the other port. It was with so much force that the pepsi flew out, it was in a ball and it smacked clear across the room onto the wall (about 3 feet away). I didn't react externally.

The patient goes, "Whoa! Did you see that!"

I was like, "See what? I didn't see anything." :chuckle

It was really funny. The patient was laughing about it...I was telling some people about it. Needless to say, the line was completely occluded and he needed a new corpak.

bettystlouis · Dec 1, 2005

this is funny now but,not then.one night in icu there were 6 pt. and 3 nurses working. first nurse was having a difficult time with the pt.o2 sat. even tho he was on a vent and resp. had been called to check out the vent. vent was ok pt.quite for awhile, then vent alarms sounded. pt. extbated self.er dr. onsean reentubating when my pt.extubated himself. er dr.reintubating pt. when the third nurse pt coded. er dr.stated he worked harded in 2 hours than he had all night in er .moral of story where would you rather work?

Soon-to-be-NurseJess · Dec 2, 2005

During one of my clinical rotations in the critical care unit, a patient came in with a police escort. He had ingested some illegal substance and alcohol and had been acting very sporadically and violently for several hours before passing out. He arrives still konked out after ER has figured out what he had ingested (I don't quite remember) and with a very high BAC. The nurses inform the police officers that if he is to be arrested when he is in a alert state, they have to stay there. We are informed he has several charges against him and they have been looking for him for sometime before this.

Before shifts ends, this man awakens in restraints, and tells the police officers in his room he needs to use the restroom. We ask that one officer stay in his room while he goes, he can pull a curtain etc. The man refuses so the police officers decide that since the windows can't be opened and they'll be right outside the door, its ok to let him stay in there alone.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

We wait and wait for him to get done...waiting...waiting..and finally one of the officers decides to check on him...and low and behold...HE'S GONE...

2 of the ceiling tiles are missing...the nurses are looking at the officers like 'we told you so' and I'm trying to find the number for security to let them know we have a drunken, drugged up, convict in the ceiling SOMEWHERE

Before I find the number, we all hear a great crash

Our guy has fallen thru the ceiling....2 rooms down....right on top of a 86 yr old woman recovering from a massive MI!!!!!!!!!!!!! (she suffered no injury...she just called him a c*cks*cker)

and the funniest thing is he thinks he's gotten somewhere so he tries to take off running out of the unit and slams into the doors knocking him out cold again...

onconurseRT · Dec 3, 2005

:rotfl: I may have posted this at a previous time, but it is just a reminder to me of why I work in oncology. As a nursing student, I started my semester of OB--- 16 full weeks of pregnancy and babies at a hospital. No offense to anyone at all, but I dreaded this rotation. I went into a patients room and was "assisting" in a lady partsl delivery. The entire OB subject is very weak for me, so I did not know very much and still do not claim to know a whole lot. This young lady and young man-- (17-18 years old) were the "couple" and after this young lady had been pushing what seemed like, FOREVER, the MD states very loud to everyone in the room--- "We are going to have to take the baby the other way... and he gets up and darts out of the room (headed to the section area)..." The male-- with the look of COMPLETE terror turns to me and says "How is he gonna take it out of her butt?" He really thought that the MD was going to delivery that baby out of his girlfriends butt (he thought the butt was the alternative route)! :uhoh21: :no: :no:

I left the room and never attended another lady partsl delivery again.

I did C-sections for 16 long weeks.