Great Truths About Life...

  1. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:



    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:



    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

    3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.



    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD



    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down

    there.

    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking

    chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to

    ask you the questions.

    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.



    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:



    1) You believe in Santa Claus.

    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

    3) You are Santa Claus.

    4) You look like Santa Claus.



    SUCCESS:



    At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 20 success is . . . having sex.

    At age 35 success is . . . having money.

    At age 50 success is . . . having money.

    At age 60 success is . . . having sex.

    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   RN always
    I like the 4 stages of life about Santa Claus. That is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
  4. by   emily_mom
    My "down there" doc has this on his ceiling!

    Kristy
  5. by   PennyLane
    heeee :roll
  6. by   LasVegasRN
    Originally posted by emily_mom
    My "down there" doc has this on his ceiling!

    Kristy
    You mean, your front bun bun doc? :chuckle
  7. by   NurseDennie
    Front bun bun. Cute!!

    My hubby absolutely DOES look like Santa Claus. Not the white hair and all, but if he had on the suit, with a white wig - that would do it!!

    Love

    Dennie
  8. by   emily_mom
    Yes, my front bun bun doctor...which reminds me that I need to make an appt. Darn it Brian...what the hell am I going to read now?

    Kristy
  9. by   l.rae
    When l sneeze........l'm 80...
  10. by   ShandyLynnRN
    how cute!!

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