Funny things that pts say - page 12

Sometimes sweet innocence can make your whole day...... I once had a pt who had really bad gas as I was helping her into the tub and she stated to me "no need to turn on the jets today honey,... Read More

  1. by   Bill E. Rubin
    Had a pt with permanent brain damage from his most recent ETOH binge (i.e. "wet brain") who was given depakote sprinkles for seizure prophylaxis. I gave it to him mixed with applesauce. After giving him the rest of his PO meds, I told him that I was next going to give "your depakote sprinkles; you know, the medication that I give you with your applesauce."

    He replied with a bewildered look on his face, "I don't understand. What's... rapplesauce?"
  2. by   kat von b
    A conversation I had upon assessing one of my patients the other day at clinical

    Me: When was the last time you had a BM?
    Pt: I don't know
    Me: Ok, have you had one since you were admitted?
    Pt: No, I only have natural BM's twice a year.....my husband usually gives me COFFEE enemas......

  3. by   getoverit
    One of our patients is currently on a heparin gtt. A few hours ago he was learning about the actions of heparin when he said:
    "Well, shouldn't you switch the IV to my other arm pretty soon or else the blood in this arm will get too thin?"
  4. by   SaraO'Hara
    Giving a patient prn pain meds - she looked up and said "You have a pretty mouth!"

    The PT (from Ukraine) had no idea why I busted up and asked if I should get my banjo.
  5. by   belle87RN
    I love the patients that come to the ER thinking the have "amonia"

    One time a patient came in complaining of pain in his "wing muscle" I said to him "you mean your shoulder?", "No my wing muscle, right here." he said as he pointed to his shoulder blade. I went into the ED to hand the chart to the nurses laughing, it was really funny!

    And one time I had an older gentleman say to me, "You have a pretty smile, are those your real teeth?" It was really funny!
  6. by   Nurse Nay Nay
    Once had a pt who was NPO for a procedure. He kept asking for water because he said his mouth was dry. I explained to him for the 100th time that he could not have anything to drink because he was going for a procedure. He states " **** they even gave Jesus water when He was on the cross." All I could do was laugh. I ended up giving him some ice chips to rub across his lips and that pacified him.
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Jan 7, '10 : Reason: TOS
  7. by   LPNfurever
    One of my pleasantly confused elderly patients had DC'd her foley catheter one evening on her way to the bathroom; just ripped the sucker right out. Fortunately she had no ill effects of doing so. When I came on the next morning she was sitting in a completely saturated bed and was dumbfounded about it. "Why am I sitting in a wet bed?" I explained that she didnt have a catheter anymore and told her that when she needed to use the toilet from now on to urinate. She looked at as serious as could be and said "Well I want that decaptiator put back in". LOL i about died. Later that afternoon PT was walking her and she asked me again "I want my decapitator!" The PT lady and I stifled laughs and managed to keep a straight face.

    I almost for got this one....Another confused lady was in her wheelchair asking for her baby. Now this woman rarely talks, so I get her "baby" which is a life like doll that makes noises and blinks its eyes. I was going to put some cream under her breasts and started to lift up her shirt and she says "Oh, honey Im not going to feed it." LOLOL.
    Last edit by LPNfurever on Jan 12, '10
  8. by   tencat
    I had to share this one. I was visiting with a patient who is a lol 88 years old. She had a well-worn bible sitting in her lap and had been reading. She's deaf and has a touch of dementia. So I ask her what book she's reading. She says "I'm reading the book of Ecstasy." I did a double take and said a bit louder, "WHAT are you reading????" She says at the top of her lungs, "The book of Ecstasy! Where Moses leads the Jews out of Egypt?" Oh. Silly me.....forgot about THAT book.
  9. by   ktwlpn
    I read an obituary today that stated the deceased had been a thirteen year survivor of "prostrate cancer" I am guessing that the current economic crisis has hit the local paper-they must have laid off the proof readers.
  10. by   GHGoonette
    Quote from ktwlpn
    I read an obituary today that stated the deceased had been a thirteen year survivor of "prostrate cancer" I am guessing that the current economic crisis has hit the local paper-they must have laid off the proof readers.
    This reminds me of my husband's aunt-she used to insist on "educating" me while I was pregnant with my daughter. I had a very hard time trying to keep a straight face when she described cutting the "umbiblical" cord...
  11. by   JoytoWorld
    I was feeding breakfast spoon by spoonful to a tiny, frail, elderly lady who had a smidgin' of dementia.
    She lightly pushed the tray table away indicating she had enough to eat;
    then in her sweet birdlike voice, she said:

    "Thank you Dearie, now turn the tray around and I'll feed you".

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