Funny things patients say !

[TAM]

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

(Nurse asking admission questions) " So what brought you in today sir?"

(patient) " The ambulance"

Love it!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I had a patient with only one leg who kept trying to get out of bed without his prosthesis. Found him in a heap on his mat one more time. He goes, "Before you say anything maam, I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."

Oh! This reminds me once when I had a student RN with me one shift. She came rushing out the patient's bathroom and said "Mr Such-and-Such's leg has FALLEN OFF!" I raced in there with her hightailing me, and had to laugh. The patient, a VA guy I found out later, had slipped a little whilst trying to put on his prosthetic leg, complete with sock and shoe on, and the leg had fallen to the floor! I just laughed so hard, and so did he! The poor student was SO embarrased, but I have to say the prosthetic legs nowadays look very real!

(And he was trying to fit it under long shorts so the student had not seen the connections for the prosthetic).

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

In the ED, I walked an elderly patient to the bathroom. It was occupied, and in the two minutes we waited, the patient let loose and peed a river on the floor. She shook her head and said, "It happens every time." Wow.

Oh my God, I just spilled my hot tea everywhere reading this, I was laughing so hard!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

The firemen brought the 15 year old girl into the ER writhing in pain and clutching her abdomen. The parents were right behind them. The ER doc evaluated her and told the parents that she would be taken to the unit right away. One of the firemen followed to make sure she was all right. When he returned, he told the parents not to worry, that the baby would be here soon. The father shouted "What do you mean? She wasn't pregnant when you brought her in here!" I guess firemen do work fast!

I guess I'll have to watch out for those extremely fast firemen!

This thread is hysterical, best laugh I've had in ages!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I used to work as the Unit Coordinator of a VERY busy plastic and reconstructive, burns and breast surgery unit. Well I had the front office girl come into my office one day, saying a lady was at the desk, quite well dressed asking to see someone about 'plants'. I thought maybe she was a representative (I dealt with a lot of reps), who wanted to know if we wanted to rent plants for the office, & they come and water them. Our burns surgeon was behind the reception desk, doing some work on another computer at the time, and he was a real joker, quite a character.

I went out to see her, to tell her it has to go through medical administration and to go down there. I said "What sort of plants were you thinking of bringing?" Well she looked at me very strangely and replied "No, I want to get the plants done HERE." Well, me and this other worker just looked at each other, unsure how to respond.

Just then the burns surgeon walked over, stared at this woman's flat chest, looked at us, and then said "Oh you mean you want to get IMplants!" The woman finally nodded, and gave a great big smile.

I couldn't answer this woman right away, as I was too busy trying to hold onto the desk to stop me from falling on the floor with laughter.

[Ava.J]

I was once taking care of a little old lady with dementia, who was absolutely convinced that one of our male nurses on the unit was Frank Sinatra. (He looked nothing like him, just to clarify)

She'd hold onto his hand, gaze up at him adoringly and tell him how much she loved his records. Of course, by the time she was discharged, WE'D all taken to calling him Frank too, so we had a Frank AND Ava on the unit!

[sevensonnets]

A patient told me his grandma lived to be 112. Then he says, "I don't know what she died of." Well, honey, I do, and I didn't even know your grandma!

[Sifty]

I am a male nurse and work into the community. One elderly lady I went to see the other day for health status monitoring looked at me after I had come inside and introduced myself and said "If only I was 70 years younger", I didn't know what to say to that one :)

[Aeterna, BSN, RN]

Patient: Did you see Dr. Smith (name changed) today? He was hot!

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing* But you saw him yesterday too, didn't you? Didn't you think he was "hot" then?

Patient: But today he's wearing jeans!

Me: *bursts out laughing, finally*

Patient: What, you don't think so?

Me: *still laughing* He's...uh...a little old for me (note: he's at least 30 or 40 years older than me)

Funny thing was that her husband was sitting right next to her. I told him, "You have to watch your wife carefully!" and he replied, "Oh, I know!"

[NCRNMDM, ASN, RN]

We had a very sick patient one night in the ED who we were getting ready to transfer up to ICU. He was being admitted for spinal meningitis, and septicemia, and we were trying to explain his condition and situation to his wife. The nurses told her that he was being admitted with spinal meningitis, and went on to describe what it was. Later, as we were getting ready to leave the ED, I overheard the man's wife on the phone with a relative. The conversation went something like this, "You've got to get here as fast as you can! It's bad! The nurses told me that he has the screaming mighty Jesus, and he is being sent to the intensive care unit!" Needless to say, I almost died laughing.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

This isn't from a patient, but from her 5 yr. old grandson. I was making a home-health visit to change the dressing of this womans large, open post-hysterectomy wound. As I was removing the previous VERY bloody packing, her grandson siddled up beside me, trying to put on a pair of gloves. She said, "Are you going to help the nurse?" He was wide-eyed with excitement when he said with great enthusiasm, "I WANT TO PUT MY HANDS IN THE BLOOD!" :grn:

[No Stars In My Eyes]

. Just thought of another one! I was doing private-duty with a 97 year old guy who loved to go out riding in the car. We would take particular interest in personalized license plates . I pointed out one that said, "4CSONS" and remarked that the lady driver must be from Hendersonville (NC) My patient replied, "Either that, or none of her boys are on the honor-roll." WOW! Talk about a sharp mind!