Funny things patients say ! - page 8

by TAM

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any... Read More


  1. 4
    Our patients are primarily psych, with a few of the requisite LOLs thrown in for added excitement. One woman has recently become fascinated with hanging out in my office door and talking to me/staring while I work. She basically speaks in neologisms and/or sounds, but the other day in the middle of one of her monologues, she stopped and said "But you don't want to put too much in the pancreas; if you do, it'll burst, and then you'll need glasses!" It was totally random. I lol'd hard.
  2. 5
    One of the aides asked me to check on a patient. When I went into the patients room she said, "I'm feeling short of breath and I didn't even get to the passion part yet (of her romance novel.)
  3. 7
    One pt (in a long term mental health facility) was complaining about the state of things and how no one loves her or appreciates her. A staff member asked her what would help. "Sex with a handsome sailor man, him on top, me on the bottom" was the immediate reply
  4. 2
    when i was working in a LTC facility over the summer, one of the residents i worked with was quite the smarty...she had a IDC but would ask about every 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. so i would get her up and take her...every 15 minutes...finally i asked her why she always had to go the bathroom when she had an IDC. she told me that she had to pass gas. when i tried to explain that she could do that in her chair and no one would know, she explained to me that she "couldn't sit on the bubble"!!!!!
    chaparra9037 and maelstrom143 like this.
  5. 6
    A 650 lb patient explained her obesity this way. "My Daddy had thyroids, and I do to."
  6. 4
    While in the stepdown one of my patient's IV pumps started beeping & displaying a "BAG NEAR EMPTY" warning.

    My patient said, "'Bag near empy.' What does that mean?"

    I replied, "That the bag is near empty."

    We both looked at each other like the other one had 3 heads. I still chuckle when I think about that.
    silverbat, Orange Tree, nrskirstie, and 1 other like this.
  7. 5
    I work in a dementia facility, and one of my residents asked "How much older than me are you?" (I'm 28, she's in her eighties). I answered that I wasn't sure, but I'm 28 now, how about you? She replied that she's 13 and 28 is really old. Very cute!
  8. 1
    An older guy that tends to yell at all the staff and refuses to eat and take his meds constantly... decided he likes me.. So when I feed him he eats his whole meal..except one thing...his ensure milkshake...when I told him hes "sooo close to finishing everything except his milkshake" his response was, "I dont like that shi*, it gives me the runs". I couldnt help but laugh...I said, "Yah... I dont like that either"
    maelstrom143 likes this.
  9. 5
    I work in an Assisted Living Facility, and was giving meds to one particularly sweet and gracious older lady. She wanted to know what pills I was giving her. She correctly ID'ed one by herself and pointed to the other one. "Now that one, I can never remember what it's for."

    It was Aricept/Donezepil! I told her that was exactly what it was for, and we both busted up laughing
  10. 25
    I had a patient with only one leg who kept trying to get out of bed without his prosthesis. Found him in a heap on his mat one more time. He goes, "Before you say anything maam, I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."
    maelstrom143, besaangel, sharpeimom, and 22 others like this.


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