Funny things patients say ! - page 4
While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More
Feb 22, '02I work in a psychiatric hospital with intellectual hand. ppl. One night I was in my office doing paperwork when a patient came in and showed me the phone saying "emergency pls....emergency!" When I asked him what was wrong he answered he had a terrible pain to a theeth. Well he just doesn't have any theeth!
Feb 24, '02There was a guy that was juuuuuussssttt barely hanging on. I'd been in his room a LOT, trying to head of the code I was expecting to have to call on him any time now.
Administering blood. Got the first unit in, had just switched over to NS to flush the lines, and was turning very quickly to step back and out to the hall to order the second unit. Right leg moved out - okay, no problem..... Left leg -- ooops, a no-show. Sciatic a$$ lock (i've described this in various posts).
Another nurse came running into the room saying "What HAPPENED?" and there I was on the floor, trying very hard to come to terms with the fact that my face had been on the floor. I was definitely FDGB.
The patient, lucid for the first time since I'd known him, casually gestures to me on the floor and states: "She fell on her face. I think she hurt herself pretty bad, too. She hit Hard!"
Mar 16, '02The firemen brought the 15 year old girl into the ER writhing in pain and clutching her abdomen. The parents were right behind them. The ER doc evaluated her and told the parents that she would be taken to the unit right away. One of the firemen followed to make sure she was all right. When he returned, he told the parents not to worry, that the baby would be here soon. The father shouted "What do you mean? She wasn't pregnant when you brought her in here!" I guess firemen do work fast!
Mar 18, '02How about the old fella who came to visit a friend in the LTC place I work. Said," That Old-timers disease is a terrible thing"..of course meaning Alzheimer's... his way makes more sense to me.
Mar 19, '02in our ward we had Mrs M, a slightly confused lady(84) sharing a room with another lady of a similar age (Mrs Y).
Mrs Y was troubled by nausea every morning for about 3 days, and we were trying to identify the cause when Mrs M spoke up loudly and very seriously "Are you sure you're not pregnant?"
I couldn't help myself i lol she was sooooo serious:stone :roll
Mar 19, '02Young male in with head injury due to fall down steps. As handing him a urinal and asking him to give a sample he looks under his blanket and says "I'm having a serious shrinkage problem here!" I replied, "That shouldn't interfere with you giving a sample". Needless to say, he had a strong odor of ETOH on his breath!!
Mar 19, '02I worked in a progressive care unit too (step down telemetry) and was doing rounds when I came to an elderly lady who seemed fine, UNTIL I asked what had brought her in.."I was minding my own business in the backyard when a plane came by and straffed me in the head.." Needless to say she had a psych consult...And, not too long after that during a float to the emergency room I had a woman tell me she took latex and rabbit pills (turned out to be lasix and verapamil). Now that I am on OB, there are too many to mention in one post. I do, however, notice that a lot of patients ask for an "epidermal" instead of an epidural...
Mar 20, '02I haven't thought of this in ages!
Had to take my asthmatic husband to the ER, slow night, just him and a burn patient.
Seems this guy was hanging signs around town for a weight loss supplement he was hawking. Einstien hammered one to an electric pole and... *ZAP*! Blew out power to a city block and gave himself a nice electrical burn.
Well he got dosed up with morphine and was waiting for transfer to a burn unit at another hospital, his wife arrived and was talking to his nurse at the nurses station. Poor nurse made the mistake of asking about this weight loss supplement!
Well, she's giving him a sales pitch and hubby, all gorky, is on the stretcher yelling, "It's great! Great stuff! Gotta try it!" the whole time!
The wife asks, "Can I give you my card?" The nurse, not missing a beat says, "No thanks, I'll just look for your signs. "
Mar 28, '02asked why a patient at OR suddenly changed his mind about the operation:
patient:well, i heard the nurse said,"dont worry its a very simple procedure,you can do it"
nurse:that's correct,then why did you refused to be operated on?
patient: you see, the nurse is talking to the surgeon not to me!!!!
Apr 5, '02One lady told us the only rx she was on was "peanut butter balls"??? Turns out she was on Phenobarbital!
This is gross, I warn you.....Late night pelvic exam in the ED for complaint of pelvic pain x2wks...Told pt we were going to do a pelvic exam, and collect cultures...she asked cultures of what?...We told her of the vaginal d/c, to which she replied....I brought you my panties, there is plenty in there!!! (YUK!!!)
Apr 12, '02Setting was a small psych unit - locked. One young goodlooking, very nervous MD came in to admit an elderly 85ish, very well taken -care- of woman that had, I think, a personality disorder and was delusional as well. She had the Gloria Swanson hairdo, wore these gauzy, sheer gowns and had regular "fainting" spells. Very dramatic. Well, this doc was one of the first to get his own key to the unit, this is how uptight he was about the resident population!
Anyway, he ( I was in the room) had just started the breast exam when the lady rolled her eyes, swooned, and said in a really good Mae West voice, "I haven't had this much fun since my honeymoon!" OMIGOD, I've never seen a doc move as fast in my life! He literally ran out of the unit. :roll
I still chuckle when I think of this! Gotta love psych!
Apr 14, '02I am a nurse in LTC on a dementia unit-last week a co-worker and I were comparing the number of messes we got into during the shift...I was telling her about my morning during which I stepped into a pile of poo-and needed a tongue depressor to get it all out of the treads on my shoe.One of our ladies happened to be walking behind me and overheard our conversation-she said" That's why I don't like dogs in the house".....Ps-Sue-When I picture you with your feet on the dashboard I imagine you must be parked somewhere....lol