Funny quotes from patients

Rapheal · Jun 22, 2004

"Would you please stop talking so loud!" From an 80 year old HOH woman without her hearing aides.

ham22 · Jun 23, 2004

i work in surgery. we had a 80 something little lady on our table for a local cystoscopy. i had prepped and draped her then the young good looking urologist sat between her legs which where in stirrups. then she raised up on her elbows and told him, "you'er the cutest thing i've had between my legs in years." we all about died laughing while he turned beet red and sputtered "thank you." :rotfl:

:roll that is the funniest thing i've heard in a looooooong time! thanks for the laugh! :rotfl: :rotfl:

RNtoJD · Jun 25, 2004

:roll that is the funniest thing i've heard in a looooooong time! thanks for the laugh! :rotfl: :rotfl:

ditto!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

DZcarrie · Jun 26, 2004

i had a very elderly man in a wheelchair tell me yesterday:

"you're a very nice looking lady. You would have to watch out if i was 12 years younger!"

realizing that it just may be a few years more than that, he corrected himself.

"12 years...no....more like 20!"

i'm 23. he's 85.

:chuckle

tshering dema · Jun 26, 2004

well, i dont have anything to say for myself but i loved the jokes you guys told .. let me guess and tell someother day .. i am new in here .love you all :coollook:

HyperRNRachel · Jun 26, 2004

I do not know if this is knee slapping funny but it is definitely cute. I had an 87 y/o male CVA, I was in his room with his nurse giving him meds. He looked at me and asked (kind of hard to understand d/t the stroke, but I made it out o.k.) how old did I think he was? I had read his chart and knew exactly how old he was, but I answered ..."well, I do not know how old you are BUT you look 67". His eyes lite up, and with the biggest smile possible, he says in a very flirtatious way.....I'm 68! I was very impressed that he still had his sense of humor. The other nurse asked him if he was flirting with me...he just smiled.

Helping a classmate change another patient's diaper, the lady asked us ..."aren't yall tired of me pissing" ? I love when patient have a good sense of humor.

LisaG21 · Jun 30, 2004

All of these stories are very funny! I loved the one with the eighty year old! That was the best. I recently had a patient do something that was funny now but at the time I was scared for my life lol

I was making the bed of a patient with end stage aids. Sex and the city was on the tv and one of the girls had said that her husband said that he wanted to have anal sex when she gets home. The two girls were talking about it because she ddin't understand where the subject came up at all of a sudden. All of a sudden the patient stood up and was like "HE WANTS TO PORK YOU GIRL IN THE BLACK DRESS F-ING WAKE UP HE WANTS TO PORK YOU IN YOUR ***! JUST BEND OVER SO HE CAN PORK YOUR ***" well let me remind you he was standing in front of the door and I was on the other side of the room. I almost peed myself but then 3 nurses came running cause they thought he was yelling at me lol it was scary then but now it is funny :rotfl:

Sarahstudent · Jun 30, 2004

Here is a funny one:

When my mother gave birth to me she had an episiotomy. A med student was busy suturing her, after what seemed like an eternity she popped her head up and said "What are you doing? Sewing a dress down there?"

Morbid don't you think?

The poor, poor mortified DR! I hope he's still practicing medicine.

Sarah

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jun 30, 2004

I was making the bed of a patient with end stage aids. Sex and the city was on the tv and one of the girls had said that her husband said that he wanted to have anal sex when she gets home. The two girls were talking about it because she ddin't understand where the subject came up at all of a sudden. All of a sudden the patient stood up and was like "HE WANTS TO PORK YOU GIRL IN THE BLACK DRESS F-ING WAKE UP HE WANTS TO PORK YOU IN YOUR ***! JUST BEND OVER SO HE CAN PORK YOUR ***" well let me remind you he was standing in front of the door and I was on the other side of the room. I almost peed myself but then 3 nurses came running cause they thought he was yelling at me lol it was scary then but now it is funny :rotfl:

Sometimes you just have to spell it out for people...shesh!

Repat · Jun 30, 2004

Here's a couple. An elderly man in the ER for altered LOC. He asks where he is, we tell him, and he says "d..., you fall asleep one place and wake up in another!". That's all he said for two days.

A patient stood up to pee, and his HR bottomed out. We get him back to bed, start a code, everyone runs in and does the necessary. As things calm down, he looks at me and says "I'm sure you don't want to hear this now, but that was the best p... I've had in years." The ER doc almost fell on the floor laughing.

trudlebug · Aug 2, 2004

This happened to a friend of mine while we were in clinicals:

Pt was admitted to med-surg, but they said he also had suicidal ideations. When she was doing her assessment, of course she asked if he had a plan. His reply was yes, he was telling the nurses he had chest pain so they would give him his nitro. He figured if he took enough, he would blow up!

mscsrjhm · Aug 2, 2004

My mother was in pre-op when the Doc was questioning her about allergies. He said "How did you find out you were allergic to formaldehyde?" Mom said "I had a reaction when they kids tried to embalm me".

I left the room.