Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart? - page 60

To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply Darwin Consult and was signed by the... Read More

  1. by   martymoose
    just had this one the other day.. "do orthostatics"
    ummmmm, the pt is a double BKA
    with no prostheses.
  2. by   Code Brown RN
    First off, I've been lurking on this site for the better part of a year, and I've read every post on MOST threads in the humor section (yes, including the What Patients Have Taught Me- which took no fewer than 4 nights to do!) but the the "5mg IV Pork" order is the first post to literally make me laugh out loud. It was also what prompted me to sign up and actually post instead of read at your expense.

    This wasn't an order, but rather a transcription funny. The MD wrote the admitting DX as the standard short hand for hyperkalemia. The transcriber entered it into the computer as "K Plus Up Arrow." It took a few of us to actually figure out what this man was bing admitted with!

    I also had an order come through our computer system which read: "____, please call me back. I tried to contact you, but your phone was engaged. ___, MD."

    Dictated Progress Note: "I met with Mr. X this morning. This grey haired, blue eyed, ex- railroad worker has minimal complaints. Also, he is not pregnant."
  3. by   divinelove
    doc wrote order for apply lotion to arms and legs stat
  4. by   DedHedRN
    When I was a student I saw some beer in the refrigerator and thought that the night shift was getting a little crazy and having just a bit to much fun. It wasn't until later that I learned that it was for a detoxing patient.
  5. by   sunnycalifRN
    We had an ex-army doc who wrote orders for TV for the patient: Channel 5 at 9 a.m.
  6. by   gigglymo
    I had a pt who was supposed to be on intermittent suction - but the hospital didn't have enough suction machines for all the patients who needed them. The doc asked if I could hook the pt up to continuous suction, then stand there and periodically turn it on and off. Not kidding.
  7. by   mspretty
    Quote from nursem1
    JUst another RN story.....
    I did home care for 11 years and pt. education is a large part of being a visiting nurse. I heard that a new grad who was a RN had told a pt on ATB's to PREVENT A YEAST INFECTION BY SPREADING YOGURT ON HER VAGINA. (lol) (INstead of eating it to promote normal body flora. VERY ODD BUT TRUE.
    you don't spread it on you doush with it. So i have been told by some natural /holistic people.
  8. by   mspretty
    Quote from kenurse
    Many of you are showing your youth and inexperience. 3H enema used to be a very common order. In LTC, wine is often given to stimulate appetite on little 80 pound patients. I suppose you've never heard of using sugar or MOM to put on decubiti to promote healing, either. Gone are the days when the docs from the old school come in and turn off the ICU monitor and tell you to look at the patient and treat the patient, not the machine! And what happened to giving a backrub at bedtime to every patient??
    I also rember the slush enema for post op GI pt. Every pt. who did not pass gas got one. I also rember going from station to station getting stickers for sugery consents because they came in a pkg. Only one or two types of stickers was used and the other was sugery specific. that ment you quickly ran out of the ones you needed and had a bunch of the ones you did not need. I might be a little far back or my hospital was just slow to come up. Cause i also the metal ivs before the plastic cannula and having to make your own tubing for ivs. Peri care was every shift for every pt. That was also when you was a nurse because you love nursing cause pay was ok but not the greatest.
  9. by   talaxandra
    Quote from mspretty
    you don't spread it on you doush with it. So i have been told by some natural /holistic people.
    Yep - apparently the best method is to soak a (non-applicator) tampon in it for a few minutes then insert for an hour or so. Only don't, as one of my colleagues once did, use flavoured yoghurt, for two reasons: 1/it's high in sugar, which encourages bacterial growth, and lacks active culture, which is the point of the process, and 2/"the strawberries kept getting caught in my pubes"
  10. by   sparrowRN
    Nurse with long fingers to perfom digital fecal evacuation
  11. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from sparrowrn
    nurse with long fingers to perfom digital fecal evacuation

    eeeeeewwww! phew! mine aren't long enough... :d
  12. by   felineRN
    -Colace STAT... Trust me, it was non-emergent.

    -I love the MDs who order a Vanco loading dose stat and then put in orders for blood cultures an hour later...

    -We had an MD who kept putting in STAT urine C&S on a pt who was anuric w/ ESRD.

    And to the comment about back rubs at night...Call me a snot nosed twenty something, but just no. I'll hold your hand/stroke your hair/use calming words if you are in distress or in need of tlc, but back rubs I just don't do.
  13. by   carolmaccas66
    Quote from felineRN
    -Colace STAT... Trust me, it was non-emergent.

    -I love the MDs who order a Vanco loading dose stat and then put in orders for blood cultures an hour later...

    -We had an MD who kept putting in STAT urine C&S on a pt who was anuric w/ ESRD.

    And to the comment about back rubs at night...Call me a snot nosed twenty something, but just no. I'll hold your hand/stroke your hair/use calming words if you are in distress or in need of tlc, but back rubs I just don't do.
    Yes we are not all snot-nosed 20 something year olds! Thank God the days are gone when grandma's 'home remedies' were used in the hospital! I have seen too many people who were patients and some who were nurses, use home remedies and who have really damaged themselves. Knew an EN who was told to use straight kerosene on her son's head to get rid of head lice, well she kept tipping the whole lot on his head and burned his whole scalp off! No-one had told her to dilute it - very, very dangerous stuff. Using home remedies as well in a professional setting opens up all kinds of litigation nightmares. Home remedies are not something I would be doing in a hospital.
    And I'd like to know who has the time to do back rubs - if you had time for that in the old days, well all I can say is nursing must've been very different back then, cos now we just do NOT have the time, and I don't know if I would want to be doing them either. I don't ever touch anyone's skin without gloves either - too many scabies and lice on people I have seen in the past, especially in the remote communities.
    God knows what people have got on their skin - eeeww!

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