Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

When I was active duty in the USAF (many moons ago) we all pulled a rotation in the ER. We got the usual real injuries and the usual whackos....but on one chart or one of the whacko visits the MOD (medical officer of the day) was so frustrated with the numerous visits that he carved the shape of a turkey in the erasor tip of a pencil and stamped the man's chart with it (in the corner) after he did his usual discharge note. We all laughed but wondered if he would get in trouble for doing that. I don't think he ever did.

CARDIAC SURGEON CALLED DURING ONE WILD FULL MOON, PATIENTS SCREAMING, TUBES BEING PULLED OUT-ATIVAN I MG PO/IV/IM TO WHOOEVER NEEDS IT UNTIL THEY QUIET DOWN.

I just started corrections nursing No other nursing like it in the world!!!
Anyway, one genius (not) told me the Psychiatrist prescribed "Anthrax" for his nervious condition. When I explained the difference he paled and asked VERY seriously if the doc could have really made a mistake and given him the wrong rx.
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!!!!!!

About twenty years ago I was on night shift on an orthopedic unit in a university-affiliated hospital. The marginally legible physician handwriting on this particular service was legendary; to this day I can't satisfactorily answer the question as to why one would allow a person who can't write access to sharp instruments!

In any case, we had to review the day's orders on each patient's chart to determine whether they had been enacted. Imagine my shock to discover the order "Amputate between ears."

When the service rounded in the morning I approached the house officer in question to ask him to clarify the order. He turned a lovely shade of scarlet and muttered, "Ambulate between bars!"

We had a patient transfer to the ward, and the SHO had written the various details about the patient, and on a post-it note on the front he had wrote:
"PT'S SO -->proctalgia."
The note is now framed above the nurses station!! We all appreciated the warning

I swear to God that I have a file of "Stupid Orders" I've collected over the years but my all time favorite is....

"Patient is a full code unless there is no hope."

It was written by a Resident and I had a very long talk with him after he wrote it. I suggested that he not use the EMT parameters of "decapitation or decomposition" for determining if there was no hope!!

Another order, obviously written by a very tired Doctor, was...

"Give Tylenol ES 2 tabs PO for temp >200"

At that point, I don't think that Tylenol is the answer!!

This is the best laugh I have had in 2 days!! We had a MD write once: Please pull pt up in bed. For crying out loud, just come and get me and tell me the pt needs repositioned!!

Another favorite "dumb" order I have seen several residents write is: Call physician on call for declining condition, abnormal VS or critical labs.

This has to be one of my favorite all time threads!!

I think at the temp of 200, one should flip the pt over, and baste liberally

--Barbara

Mcdonalds Milkshake PRN, a very reasonable order I think

On inpatient order sheet:

CTBKLO
... of course I had to ask!

Coffin to bediside, keep lid open