Flea Bites

Nurses Humor

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After having lived in FL for nearly 40 years, I moved to the mountains, and began working in an ER that served several surrounding counties. In triage one night, I was asking the usual questions-past hx, medications, surgeries, hospitalizations, of a 30'ish-looking woman. This woman appeared bedraggled, had no teeth, and a barefoot child with a runny nose (no kidding). When we got to hospitalizations, she said that she had been hospitalized the previous year for flea bites. Looking at her appearance, I could see how it might have been possible. I then asked, why were you hospitalized? Were there that many bites, or did they get infected? The woman looked at me as though I'd lost my mind, and said, "not FLEA bites! You know, flea bites, like you get in your laig." Then the light dawned, and I realized she was trying to tell me that she had been hospitalized for phlebitis!

Another funny-a lot of folks up here are allergic to "pillacillin-" again, no joke!:eek:

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People certainly do have their own "medical language"! One evening we had a phone call from a lady 32 weeks pregnant. She was having lots of groin cramps, frequent urination and fatigue (pregnancy!) and wanted to have the baby NOW. She told us to call her doctor to meet her at the hospital so he could "seduce" her!!!!!!

A few nights later we received a call from a patient full term who was not having contractions yet but sure that she was leaking "atomic fluid".:eek:

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Atomic fluid?! What a "blast!" LOL!

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Specializes in ER, Hospice, CCU, PCU.

Had a call to the ER the other night at about 0100 from what sounded to be a Little Old Man. He wanted to know "Do youall have any of them little blue pills to get it to stand up?"

True story.:rolleyes:

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What kind of answer did you all give the little old man?:confused:

This should be good...:D

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What about the guy who was tired of his wife being pregnant and wanted us to "produce" her labor with "that there dioxin" so she can get busy and have some "contraptions"!!!!

I guess it takes all kinds.

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Specializes in ER, Hospice, CCU, PCU.

We told him it was way past his bedtime and that he should take 2 ASA and call his doctor in the morning.;)

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Chuckle, chuckle!

In another vein, and this is the truth, i swear it: when I had only been in the ER for a few mos., I got a phone call one afternoon from a man who said that his son had been trying to have sex with their female dog, and he didn't know what to do. I suggested he call the SO, or Animal Control. The ER Doc was about to roll in the floor, he was laughing so hard-he said that the guy was probably getting turned on, talking to me about it.:(

The rest of the true story...a few weeks later, a mid 30's male filthy dirty, wearing only a pair of shorts, was brought in by the SO in restraints. They wanted a mental health referral for him. Seems the guy was chasing his male dog all over the backyard, trying to have oral sex with him. The man's wife and children couldn't get him to leave the dog alone, so she called the SO! Guess who had to be his nurse, because I was the newest kid on the block?:( :confused: :eek: :( :o

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I haven't personally experienced this one, but I read where a man came in to the ER and kept saying he took peanut butter balls...turns out the guy meant he was on phenobarbital :rolleyes:

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A lot of people around here have Ol'timers. I have even heard nurses call Alzhiemers Old timers! And they really think that is the name of the illness!!! LOL:)

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