Curtain Rods

  1. After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary.


    His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.

    She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

    On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

    On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

    When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

    When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

    Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

    Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house... The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and they decided to move.

    A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

    Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

    The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

    Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...


    ..including the curtain rods
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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   eltrip
    Thanks for reminding me of this, Fran! It's a funny one!

    Gee, ever wonder if they looked at the curtain rods? (Before they put them up in the new place, that is.) :chuckle
  4. by   spunkygirl
    That is soooo perfect.
  5. by   jnette
    sniggle, sniggle.......... :chuckle

    Welcome BACK Franners ! You must be feeling BETTER ! :kiss
  6. by   gwenith


    Okay on the subject of revenge here are a couple of classics from Wendy Harmer's book "Love Gone Wrong"

    1) Jilted girl still had the key to her ex's flat so while he and the new love were away she got into his flat - very up market flat with skylight - and spinkled alfalpha seeds all over his lounge suite and carpet - lightly misted the seeds with water turned up the air conditioning and left - when he arrived home there was a half inch green growth over everything

    2) Guy - while Ex was away on trip got into flat and had ALL her clothes altered - to one size smaller - NASTY!!!

    3) Boyfriend absolutely adored his car - in fact that was the reason for the breakup. Can you imagine how he felt then, when on looking out of his window he saw that the disgruntled ex had gone around the yard picking up all the rubbish and glueing it to the car!!!
  7. by   suzy253
    I love it. Thanks Fran!
  8. by   ExquisiteRevelation
    That hilarious!
  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from jnette
    sniggle, sniggle.......... :chuckle

    Welcome BACK Franners ! You must be feeling BETTER ! :kiss
    Not yet Jnette. I had to let you all know I'm still alive, so I decided to put a couple posts up while I was at it. I'm now getting a cough I have to nurse.
  10. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from gwenith


    Okay on the subject of revenge here are a couple of classics from Wendy Harmer's book "Love Gone Wrong"

    1) Jilted girl still had the key to her ex's flat so while he and the new love were away she got into his flat - very up market flat with skylight - and spinkled alfalpha seeds all over his lounge suite and carpet - lightly misted the seeds with water turned up the air conditioning and left - when he arrived home there was a half inch green growth over everything

    2) Guy - while Ex was away on trip got into flat and had ALL her clothes altered - to one size smaller - NASTY!!!

    3) Boyfriend absolutely adored his car - in fact that was the reason for the breakup. Can you imagine how he felt then, when on looking out of his window he saw that the disgruntled ex had gone around the yard picking up all the rubbish and glueing it to the car!!!
    Gwenith,
    That third one is hilarious. I have a friend who tied a bunch of tin cans under the back of her co-worker's car. The co-worker said he got stopped after having a couple beers at the local tavern (pub) then proceeded on his way toward home, when he was stopped by a policemen. He said he had some explaining to do, admitting ignorance about how the noise got there. He's a nurse too, so he said he was really afraid he would have to take a breathalyzer test, but didn't.

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