bricklayer's accident report - very funny!

  1. > This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
    newsletter
    > of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
    >
    > This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award
    > for sure...
    >
    > Dear Sir,
    >
    > I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
    Block
    > 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my
    > accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
    > details will be sufficient:
    >
    > I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
    alone
    > on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found
    I
    > had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be
    > slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I
    > decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to
    > the side of the building on the sixth floor.
    >
    > Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
    > out and loaded the bricks into it.
    >
    > Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow
    > descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
    form
    > that I weigh 135lbs.
    >
    > Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
    > presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
    > proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of
    > the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an
    > equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor
    abrasions
    > the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
    >
    > Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
    > fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
    > Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
    to
    > hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now
    > beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the
    barrel
    > of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid
    > of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I
    > refer you again to my weight.
    >
    > As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
    > building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
    > This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe
    > lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change
    > slightly.
    >
    > The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
    injuries
    > when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae
    > were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on
    > the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and
    > presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty
    > barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken
    > legs.
    >
    > I hope this answers your inquiry.
    •  
  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   mustangsheba
    Only a Brit could say it so well, I think! I love it.
  4. by   lpnandloveit1
    what wonderful language!!!!!!! Until now the best incident report was from a kitchen aide while I was charge nurse in an LTC. "I stoke my hand in a boekt and cut my fanger." I swear this was the entire narritive.
  5. by   donmurray
    That reminds me, just last week, I read an incident form from a colleague, which ran;
    "Whilst assisting washing and dressing Mr. K......, with Nurse Smith, who has a history of aggressive behaviour....We've all been there, I'm sure!
    Don
  6. by   wsiab
    Bricklayer's Lament by the Cory Brothers
  7. by   lpnandloveit1
    Don't care who wrote it, performed it etc. I still love it.
  8. by   donmurray
    Anyone heard of Gerard Hoffnung? Wit and raconteur, he first told this story to the Oxford Union, around the late 1950's. Other such tales include Letters from Tyrolean Landlords("there is a French Widow in every bedroom.......affording delightful prospects..") Similar to Victor Borge, or Peter Ustinov.
  9. by   cwood2b
    That was too funny...I am still laughing!!!
  10. by   rowbucks
    this is just too funny. i know a couple of people who would be that stupid.
  11. by   misti_z
    TOOOOO Funny.
  12. by   Y2KRN
    Love it! LMAO

    Y2KRN
  13. by   smileystudent
    this story made my night. i can't stop laughing. thanks i need this.:roll :roll
  14. by   nekhismom
    :roll
    Thought it was great!! Amazing wording!! :roll

close
bricklayer's accident report  -  very funny!