10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

  1. Very, very funny and true!

    If I may add one more:
    "Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)
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  2. 166 Comments

  3. by   susanmary
    Also -- "I need to check your groin" (incision.) Often gets my male patients laughing....
  4. by   kjmta57
    bend over as far as possible so we can check you out better.
  5. by   john privett
    1.i have to stick this up your rectum
    2.i need some of your urine
    3.i'm going to take some of your blood
    4.breathe this in and hold it
    5.you have to swallow it
    6.i'm going to tie you down, its for your own good
    7.we'll inject this into your body, and then take some pictures
    8.ma'am, i'm going to examine your breasts
    9.i'm going to rub this into your bottom
    10.i didnt like his heart rhythm, so i shocked him
  6. by   Athena
    Originally posted by john privett:
    1.i have to stick this up your rectum
    2.i need some of your urine
    3.i'm going to take some of your blood
    4.breathe this in and hold it
    5.you have to swallow it
    6.i'm going to tie you down, its for your own good
    7.we'll inject this into your body, and then take some pictures
    8.ma'am, i'm going to examine your breasts
    9.i'm going to rub this into your bottom
    10.i didnt like his heart rhythm, so i shocked him
    how about "the next time you have a bowel movement, don't flush so I can look at it."

  7. by   OLSKL
    I'm going to poke you now then you will start to feel better.
  8. by   kewlnurse
    Here, suck on this (while handing them a incentive spirometer)
  9. by   ballyk
    what about "wiggle your toes....little prick" just before an IM injection
  10. by   maikranz
    ohmigod!!!!!
  11. by   Gael McL
    Originally posted by john privett:
    1.i have to stick this up your rectum
    2.i need some of your urine
    3.i'm going to take some of your blood
    4.breathe this in and hold it
    5.you have to swallow it
    6.i'm going to tie you down, its for your own good
    7.we'll inject this into your body, and then take some pictures
    8.ma'am, i'm going to examine your breasts
    9.i'm going to rub this into your bottom
    10.i didnt like his heart rhythm, so i shocked him
    How about I have to stick this up your rectum and I want you to hold onto it for as long as you can stand it, the longer you hold it the better it works.


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  12. by   jamistlc
    <H3><BLINK>What about "I am going to stick my finger inside your rectum" for a rectal stim or digital removal of an impaction!</BLINK></H#>:EEK:

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  13. by   dskrn

    "Do you want to do it in the chair, or in the bed?"

    (Heard from behind a curtain as someone was getting ready to give a patient bath)

  14. by   Hum'nbird
    How bout, "Eat it all up, that's right, good girl."........... Or, "I know it tastes bad, just plug your nose when you swallow."........I love this one: "Just push this and I'll come when you need me.".........There are so many, what a funny post, john. Too funny Athena, lol! Who'd a thought we would become poop experts when we first decided to be a nurse.......eeeeeeeewwwww

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