Sorry, but there really aren't any shortcuts to becoming a nurse.
You said that you have never attended college, so I would advise you to go ahead and enroll in some pre-requisite classes at your local Community College and see how it goes. You will need to develop study skills and discipline that you didn't need in high school. If it turns out OK, then you can move ahead. If you discover that more school is not for you, then you should explore alternatives.
I don't know about your part of the country, but in my area, the skilled trades are in very high demand - electrician, HVAC, welder, etc. My brother in law is a specialty welder and makes >$100k per year. This education is also available at community colleges. The end result will be a career that can also meet all your goals. Many have built-in apprentice programs so you begin to earn $ before you even graduate. Plus, you won't have to work nights & holidays while being exposed to potentially deadly diseases on a regular basis. The initial salary may not be as high as a new grad nurse, but over time, the salary increases will just continue to rise while nurses top out after about 5 years. In order to reach higher salary levels in nursing, you would have to continue your formal education - to include graduate school.
Best of luck to you in your decision.